Chapter 10 #2
“That was a different situation,” Vivian said, aware that Dean and Ellie hadn’t been in a relationship. McKenna was the result of a summer romance that had always had an expiration date attached to it.
“Is it? I’m still in the game, always leaving or packing to leave. Or thinking about the next game or trade deadline. Always watching game tape at home at night. I live and breathe the sport.”
Vivian wanted to argue, but Dean was on a roll.
“Hockey has always come first, Viv. Always.”
“When you have a career that you love—like we do—it’s normal to think about it during the off-hours.
” Vivian was guilty of doing the same, reading results at home after hours, considering avenues her patients could take as they dealt with medical issues, sometimes researching until the wee hours if necessary.
Jesus, she just left her child for months to travel to Africa so that she could finish her book.
“I like to think our dedication is what makes us both successful at our careers. People like us can’t just turn it off. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I’m not a good bet,” he said quietly. “I’m forty-four years old and set in my ways.”
“So this is about age?” she asked. “You think I’m too young?”
“No,” he replied, quickly enough that she knew age wasn’t really the issue. Or at least, not her age.
“Why are you doing this, Dean?”
“Because it’s the right thing.”
“Breaking this off before we’ve really even given it a chance is the right thing?” Vivian thought he’d understood her desire to wait a little while before announcing their relationship to their friends and families and Pip, but maybe he hadn’t.
One thing was clear. He wasn’t going to change his mind. Studying him, all she could see was resolve and the rigid set of his shoulders.
“It’ll hurt less now,” he said. “Before emotions get involved.”
It took everything she had not to scoff, because if he thought her emotions weren’t already hella involved, then he was a witless wonder. And now, her sadness and confusion were tinged with something else. Anger.
She had a lot of fucking emotions when it came to Dean, and the fact that he was sitting here, acting like this didn’t hurt, pissed her off.
She’d been imagining a future with this man, wondering what Christmas might look like if he was there to cut the Barbie dolls out of that impossible packaging, or how much fun summer vacations taken as a family would be.
She’d even started considering how dinnertime might change into something a lot less casual than her and Pip eating at the coffee table in front of the television every night, watching Bluey and Wild Kratts.
“It sounds like there’s nothing I can say to change your mind.” Vivian needed to get the hell out of here before she dissolved into a puddle of tears.
“I’m sorry, Vivian.”
Vivian.
Not Viv. Not sunshine.
She nodded, watching as he rose. If she opened her mouth, she was afraid she’d beg him to stay, to rethink this.
Dean opened his wallet, tossing down more than enough money for their two unfinished drinks. Padraig was getting one hell of a tip.
He hesitated by the table, and for a moment, she thought perhaps he’d reconsidered.
If so, he thought better of it. Instead, he nodded once in farewell, then turned and walked out of the pub.
She watched him disappear into the afternoon. Only after she saw him climb into his car and drive away did she realize she’d been holding herself perfectly still. As if moving would make this real.
Across the room, someone laughed. Padraig leaned on the counter, talking to his pretty wife, Emmy, who was typing away on her laptop. Riley, the cook, delivered two shepherd’s pies to the people at the table next to Vivian’s, swearing they were her best ever.
Life continued with astonishing indifference while hers seemed to collapse. She lowered her head into her hands. She’d survived losing her parents. She’d found a way to move on after Phil’s death, building a life for her and Pip from the ashes.
But somehow, this hurt in a way she hadn’t expected.
Dean thought she deserved someone better, not seeming to realize just how much their time together had meant to her. He’d helped her turn a corner that she’d spent five years viewing as a stone wall, one she’d never be able to break through.
She’d never asked him to be perfect. She had only wanted him to be with her…to stay.
Vivian didn’t realize where she was going until she’d driven straight past her own house. Home meant being “on.” Pip was still sick and there was no way Vivian could hide her current devastation from Belle, who knew her too well.
Instead, she continued toward Victor’s house.
Belle would look after Pip until Vivian managed to pull herself together.
If…she managed.
She’d just put the car in park and turned it off when Victor opened the front door, stepping out onto the porch. He was clearly curious why she was there. While it wasn’t unusual for her to visit, she almost always called first. Plus, he knew Pip was sick.
She climbed the stairs, fighting back the tears. Victor took one look at her face and his expression changed from curiosity to concern.
“Fuck,” he said, stepping aside so Vivian could walk into the house.
The second the door closed behind them, the tears fell, stealing whatever words she’d planned to say. Victor wrapped his arms around her, tucking her tight against him. Her big brother gave great hugs. Almost as good as…
She choked on a fresh round of sobs as Dean’s name flashed through her head.
Victor didn’t rush her, didn’t ask her what was wrong. He just held her while she cried out all the pain, one hand rubbing slow circles across her back. She didn’t know how much time had passed before the tears finally eased and she was able to catch her breath once more.
“He broke up with you.”
Vivian frowned, confused. “How do you—”
“Belle pieced it together. I confronted him earlier today at work.”
Suddenly, she was seeing that conversation at the pub with Dean in an entirely different light. “What the hell did you do? What did you say to him?”
She was no stranger to her brother’s over-the-top overprotectiveness. He took his position as big brother seriously. Too fucking seriously.
Victor sighed, then motioned toward the living room. “Why don’t we go sit down?”
She remained where she was, her arms folded tightly across her chest.
Victor raked a hand through his long dark hair, a low grumble resonating in his chest. “Goddammit, Viv. I didn’t say anything bad.”
She laughed mirthlessly. “Sure you didn’t. Twenty bucks says you stormed into his office with both guns blazing.”
“I might have slammed the door,” Victor admitted.
Vivian scowled, but before she could continue berating him, Victor held his hands up in a defensive gesture. “All I did was ask him what his intentions were.”
She rolled her eyes. “Jesus Christ, Vic. What is this? The Stone Age?”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Dammit, Viv. I’m not going to apologize for that. You’re my sister and he’s my fucking coach. Do you know what kind of position this puts me in?”
“Puts you in?”
Victor grumbled under his breath. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong. Obviously, you’re two consenting adults, it’s just…”
Whenever Victor talked himself into a corner—like he just had—he simply shut up, fully aware that anything else he said would only dig him deeper into a hole he couldn’t get out of.
Silence stretched between them until Victor let out a long, slow breath. “Can we please just go sit in the living room and discuss this?”
Vivian nodded her assent, fighting to calm down as she followed her big brother into the living room. They sank down on opposite sides of the couch, then both turned, so that they were facing each other.
“What did Dean say when you asked him that?”
Victor rested his arm on the back of the couch. “He said you wanted to keep it a secret. Said you were protecting Pip.”
“She’s only five, and I’ve never introduced a man into her life. Hell, I’ve never even gone out on a date. You and Belle had to explain the concept to her this summer, when Belle signed up for online dating.”
Victor, the jealous bastard, growled. “Don’t remind me about Belle and those fucking apps. Those were some dark days.”
Vivian snorted softly, then sobered quickly. Her brother had been as devoted to his bachelorhood as Dean was to his own.
“Pip knows Dean. She likes him a lot. He even taught her how to ride a bike. I just thought it made sense for us to take things slowly, to make sure this thing was headed somewhere before I added Pip to the equation.”
Victor frowned. “You were going to add Pip to the equation?”
Vivian didn’t have a clue where that question had come from, because it made no sense. “Of course I was! I just didn’t want to introduce him to Pip as a potential boyfriend until we were sure this relationship was going somewhere.”
“And you said that to Dean?”
Had she said that? Had she needed to?
“I guess I thought it was obvious why we were going slow and keeping things private. What other reason would there have been?”
“I don’t think Dean thought you two were working toward something. Sounded to me like he believed this was a casual thing that would eventually run its course.”
The thought of that made Vivian’s stomach clench…and she suddenly thought she’d misread everything between her and Dean. “Oh.”
Victor knew her as well as anyone in her life. Something in her tone and in her expression had him reacting immediately. He reached for her, tugging her across the couch and into his arms. She sank into his hug.
“I’m sorry, Viv. This is all my fault. I told Dean if he wasn’t serious about this relationship, he needed to end things. To be honest, I didn’t think he would.”
She sat back, his arms falling away. “You didn’t?”
“There was something about the way he talked about you.” Victor’s eyes met hers. “It sounded like he cared about you. I thought…” He shrugged, backing away from that corner he’d talked his way into again.