Chapter 10 #3
She couldn’t be mad at Victor. Even if his visit to Dean’s office was the impetus behind him breaking things off, all her brother had done was bring about the inevitable sooner. In some ways, she should be thanking him. How much more would she be hurting if they’d allowed things to continue longer?
“This isn’t your fault,” she said.
Victor grimaced. “Feels like it is. Belle’s going to kick my ass. She told me to keep my nose out of it.”
“So, of course, you made a beeline for Dean’s office.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah.”
“You didn’t make his decision, Vic. He did.” Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. She promised herself that she’d cry all of this out here, where she had her beloved brother to comfort her, and then she was putting the tears away.
Victor wrapped his arm around her shoulders, letting her lean her head against him, the two of them sitting without talking as she quietly cried.
Once she managed to compose herself, she lifted her face to Victor’s. “Promise me you won’t kill him.”
Victor scoffed darkly. “Nope. Not promising that.”
“Vic,” she said, giving him a pointed look.
“He made you cry.”
“If I’m going to start dating again, getting hurt is a risk I’ll have to take.”
“Are you going to? Start dating again?” he added, to clarify.
Vivian considered that question. When she’d started this thing with Dean, she’d viewed that night in Boston as a one-off. After all, she was a woman and she had needs. Five years was a long time to go without any intimacy or affection. No kisses or cuddles or sweet words.
When things continued, however, she remembered how nice it was to have someone to talk to. To spend time with.
“Yeah,” she said. “I think I am.”
“Good.” Victor smiled, but the lines by his eyes and mouth and the tightness in his tone didn’t sell the lie.
“You’re not happy about that,” she said drolly.
Victor huffed out a laugh. “I know I should be. No. I am happy. You deserve to find love again. I want that for you. I just wish you could skip straight to that part without having to go on a bunch of first dates with assholes who don’t deserve you.”
Deserve.
That was the same word Dean had used.
Had he said the same thing to Victor? Is that why her brother used it just now?
Given how badly she’d misread what she thought was happening between her and Dean, she wasn’t even sure if he’d meant that, or if he’d simply said it as a way of making her feel less shitty.
She didn’t have enough dating experience to judge if he was just using one of the standard rom-com breakup lines on her.
It’s not you, it’s me.
I need to work on myself.
We should just be friends.
You deserve better.
Vivian was certain she would replay that damn breakup conversation at Pat’s Pub over a thousand times, analyzing every word and expression. Not that she expected to ever be able to truly make sense of what went wrong.
“Want to stay here tonight? I can call Belle, tell her to bring Pip over. We can make a big pot of soup and all veg in front of the TV. Pip’s been begging me to watch Moana 2.”
Vivian considered the invitation seriously. Part of her just wanted to go home, crawl into bed, and hold the mother of all pity parties. Not that she could. While Pip’s fever had broken, her daughter still had a nasty head cold.
She shook her head. “Pip’s sick. She’ll want to sleep in her own bed.”
“Then we’ll all hang at your house. Belle and I can sleep in her old room.”
Vivian appreciated the offer. “You hate staying there. Hate sharing a full-sized bed instead of the gigantic king in your room.”
“I don’t give a shit about that, Viv. I don’t want you to be alone,” Victor said.
She gave him a watery smile. “Good. Because I don’t want to be alone. I’m tired of… I’m lonely, Vic. I thought after Phil, I’d never want anyone else. I was fully prepared to mourn him for the rest of my life because he was my person. I didn’t expect, didn’t realize there could be…”
Victor’s expression softened. “You cared about Dean.”
She didn’t hesitate, didn’t bother to lie. Instead, she nodded. “I…yeah. It all felt so easy, so right, and for a little while, I was imagining a different future. I liked it.”
“The more you say, the more I want to drive to his house and beat the—”
“Stop.” Vivian put her hand on her brother’s arm, forcing him to calm down. “I let myself get carried away, see things that obviously weren’t there.”
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you were the issue.”
She frowned. “What’s that mean?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m talking out of turn. All I know is, he’s carrying around some serious baggage. And until he sorts out his own shit…maybe you guys should just go back to being friendly acquaintances.”
Victor scowled, clearly confused when Vivian started laughing. Because her brother had just hit her with all the rom-com breakup excuses.
Is this what they taught the boys in middle school physical education back when they used to separate the genders for sex ed?
“Viv?” Victor prompted, wondering at her sudden mirth.
“It’s not me, it’s him. I get it,” she joked.
Victor rolled his eyes when he realized what he’d said.
Then she decided to dig deeper, because it was obvious Victor hadn’t shared everything from his conversation with Dean. Typical man. Always leaving out key points.
“What baggage?” she asked.
“What?”
“You said Dean was carrying around baggage,” she reminded him.
“Oh yeah. The guy’s still beating himself up for not being there for McKenna. I get the impression he thinks that takes him out of contention for future relationships.”
Vivian leaned back, letting those words soak in.
Unfortunately, Victor didn’t give her long to chew them over. He rose from the couch, offering a hand to help her up as well. “Give me your keys. I’ll drive us to your place. We can get soup delivered from Panera Bread for dinner. Pip likes chicken noodle soup when she’s sick.”
“Can I get one of those big kitchen sink cookies?” she asked, trying to push her sadness aside for now.
Victor was offering her a distraction from her heartache, and for tonight, she was going to take it, going to latch on to it with both hands.
There would be plenty of time for devastation tomorrow, and the next day, and…
Victor nodded. “Sure.”
“Do I have to share it?” she asked, channeling her inner Pip.
Victor laughed. “Nope.”
“Can I get a French baguette too?”
“All for yourself?” he clarified.
She raised her eyebrows in a “what do you think” way.
Victor opened the front door as they stepped out onto the front porch. “Got it. Yes. You can have all the bread and cookies you want.”
“I wish Panera delivered ice cream too,” she murmured under her breath.
Victor chuckled, then locked the door behind him, tucking her underneath his arm again as she snuggled against him. “I’ll run out for Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie later.”
Aw. He always remembered her favorites. “You’re the best big brother ever.”
Victor placed a soft kiss on the top of her head when they reached the car. “Love you, Viv.”
While Vivian had never—ever—doubted her brother’s unwavering love for her, he wasn’t the type to use those three little words very often, so her eyes instantly filled with tears once more.
“Love you too,” she said, climbing into the passenger’s seat. While she didn’t feel better, she didn’t feel alone.
And for right now…that would have to be enough.