Chapter 22
TWENTY-TWO
‘Well, she said it was cosy, and she wasn’t wrong,’ Tam said as they walked into the bedroom and almost fell over the bed. ‘Not much room. But there is a TV.’
He sat down on the bed and flicked on the television.
Sorrel stood in the doorway, feeling awkward. All there was in front of her was Tam, a huge bed, and the rain pounding at the window. Thunder growled over their heads.
‘You coming in?’ He glanced at her. ‘I’ll put the kettle on.’
‘Okay.’ She closed the door behind her. Lightning flashed.
Tam stood in the small area at the foot of the bed where there was a narrow table holding a mini kettle, two mugs, a glass jar of biscuits, a milk jug and a bowl of sugar. He dropped a tea bag in each mug and whistled under his breath.
The room was decorated with a modern eye, but still with a nod to traditional Scottish décor.
The stone walls were painted white: Sorrel ran her hands appreciatively over the uneven texture of the stone under the paint.
A dramatic photo of Ben Nevis at sunrise hung on the wall.
The bed was indeed large, probably a super king size.
It was dressed with spotless white cotton linen with thick pillows and fluffy cream cushions.
She peeked in the bathroom: as the owner had said, a large, claw-footed white bath stood proudly in the centre of a black-and-white tiled floor.
Brass mouldings glowed – the taps, the shower attachment over the bath, a large, heated towel rail.
Thick, soft-looking mauve towels hung on the rail, and there was another stack of towels on a stool in the corner.
‘It’s lovely, though I wouldn’t have put a bed this size in this room.’ Sorrel picked up a hand-knitted cream and mauve blanket from the foot of the bed and wrapped it around her. The temperature had plummeted and, even though the room was cosy, she couldn’t seem to get warm.
‘Agreed. I like the bath, though.’ Tam handed her a mug of tea, and placed the jar of biscuits on the bed between them. ‘You should persuade your mum and dad to overhaul the bathrooms at the Inn. They could have something like that. People would like it.’
‘Hm. You’re right. It’s romantic.’ Sorrel looked at the bath, and then at Tam, and blushed. ‘I mean… I don’t mean, with you… the bath. The bath is romantic. Aesthetically.’
‘It’s okay. I know what you meant.’ Tam sat on the bed next to her.
There was a silence.
‘Still hailing,’ Sorrel said, to fill the quiet. They sat and listened to the sound of the hail on the window.
‘Yep. It’s awful out there.’ Tam looked out of the window. ‘I really couldn’t have driven in it.’
‘I know,’ Sorrel replied. Are we really talking about the weather?
‘Well, I didn’t want you to think I’d purposefully trapped you here. To seduce you or something.’ He shot her a look under his soft lashes.
‘Oh. No. I know.’ Sorrel focused on the TV for a moment. Tam had put on a rerun of an American soap from the 1990s.
God forbid that Tam should have any thoughts about being intimate with the supposed love of his life, in a romantic bedroom with a bloody claw-footed bath, while a storm raged outside.
Sorrel felt suddenly cross at him saying that.
Was it so unthinkable that Tam would want to romance her?
Was he not attracted to her at all any more?
Could he be friendly and mildly flirty with everyone else, but recoil at the thought of being romantic with her?
There was a silence between them as the sound of the familiar Nineties soap dialogue filled the room.
‘So, are you and Briony seeing each other?’ Sorrel asked, abruptly. It had been on her mind all day, in the truck, at the store, and on the way home, but she hadn’t found a way to broach the subject. She’d been warring with her instincts: it wasn’t any of her business. Tam wasn’t hers any more.
But I still have feelings for him, she thought. I hate it, but I do.
‘What?’ He did a double take. ‘Briony?’
‘Briony Mathers. Yes.’ She couldn’t help herself.
‘No. We’re just friends.’ Tam looked surprised at the sudden change of topic. ‘Why do you ask that?’
‘You seemed very close at the coffee shop earlier.’ Sorrel shrugged. ‘You’re close to her son. I just thought…’
‘No. I’m not seeing Briony.’ He frowned. ‘We were friends from way back, like you were. We all were, right?’
Sorrel nodded.
‘Right. I mean, she had a hard time when Brian died. I tried to support her. Be there for Alex. He’s a great little guy. She was there for me, when everything happened with Beth.’
‘Oh.’ Why am I like this? she berated herself. ‘I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a bit all over the place at the moment.’
‘I know. You’re going through a lot. Listen… I know this is weird. All of this.’ Tam indicated the room around them. ‘But I wanted to talk to you.’ He cleared his throat. The thunder continued to rage outside.
‘I… I was going to ask you something, that night, but I couldn’t find the courage,’ Tam blurted out.
She looked up in alarm. ‘What night?’
‘The night you left.’ He looked uncomfortable.
‘Oh.’
‘Yeah.’ He ran his hand through his hair. ‘This is hard to say. Damn.’ He stood up and went to the window, looking out at the rain.
‘I was going to ask you to marry me,’ he said, after a minute.
‘I found that stone heart in the river a few days before, and I took it as a sign. I’d been thinking about asking you for a long time, but, you know what they say.
That river’s enchanted. It was always our lucky place.
I felt like it was the faeries saying, yes, do it,’ he sighed.
‘I almost did, and then I lost my nerve. You said you had to go home, your feet were cold, and I let the moment slip. I’ve thought about that night so many times.
Thought about what would have happened if I’d asked you. Would you have stayed?’
‘Oh, my god.’ Sorrel got off the bed and stood in the doorway to the bathroom. ‘What are you saying? Why are you telling me this?’ She looked at him, completely bewildered.
‘Sorrel. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.’ Tam leaned forward and reached for her. ‘Look. It was a long time ago. We’re different people now.’
‘Yes, but… Tam. You can’t just drop a bomb like that and then say, Oh, I shouldn’t have said anything.’
‘No, I suppose not. But how else was I supposed to say it?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t know, Tam!’
‘I just told you that I was going to propose to you. Shouldn’t you be… I don’t know. Happy? Flattered?’ He stared at her, confused.
‘Yes! I should!’ Sorrel went into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She gripped the sink and burst into tears.
It was so deeply unfair that she couldn’t stand it.
She hadn’t just lost her family that night. She’d lost Tam, and a whole future. And now, Tam didn’t understand, because she’d never been able to tell him why she’d left. Because she’d been ashamed.
She’d been so ashamed of what she’d found out that night when she’d got home. When she’d floated in the front door of the Inn, feeling full up with joy because life was perfect. She was in love. She was young. She had all of her life ahead of her.
What would have happened if he’d asked you to marry him? Would you have stayed?
I don’t know. Yes. Maybe.
But it didn’t matter now. That future – that timeline – had been taken away from her. She didn’t get to marry Tam Blackwood. She found Simon instead, and Tam found Beth. And they’d lived different lives than the ones they’d thought they would, that night under the bridge.
Her future with Tam had been taken away from her by her parents in a moment she could never forget, or forgive.
But what did this mean for her and Tam now? Where did they go from here? Where was it possible to go, after so long apart?