Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
‘Sorrel. Let me in, please.’ Tam knocked on the door. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.’
Sorrel picked up a mauve flannel from a pile of four by the immaculate white porcelain sink and wiped her face with it. She took a deep breath, went to the door and unlocked it.
‘Sorrel. Please, don’t cry.’ Tam reached for her and took her in his arms. She breathed in the comforting smell of his sweater, and the smell that was just him: manly, woody, fresh.
The tears wouldn’t stop. It was too hard to say: the explanation for everything. But she had to. Tam had to know.
‘I’m sorry.’ She sobbed into his warm sweatshirt. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘You have nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart.’ Tam hugged her tight. ‘I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s in the past. I didn’t want to upset you.’
‘It’s not you.’ Sorrel snuffled into Tam’s chest. ‘I… there’s things I need to tell you. It’s hard, though.’
‘I’m here, baby.’ His voice softened even more; Sorrel blinked as he murmured the pet name. It had been a long time since Tam Blackwood had called her baby. She felt herself melt a little in his arms. ‘Come here. Sit down.’
They sat on the bed together, side by side. There was nowhere else to go.
‘The night we went to the river,’ Sorrel began. ‘It was magical. I went home so happy that night. I didn’t know you were thinking of proposing… I just… it was lovely. Life felt so perfect.’ She took his big hand in hers and ran her thumb over the back of it.
‘It was perfect,’ he said, quietly. ‘I can see that now, even more. I should have proposed. I was just nervous. I thought I had more time.’
‘I know.’ She sighed.
Haltingly, she began her story. About walking in on Angus and Catriona’s conversation. About realising that it was about her. About the truth dawning on her, and the horror she’d felt. The urge to run.
Tam shook his head. ‘Oh, my god. I’m so sorry, baby. You could have come to stay with me. Mum and Dad adored you.’ He stroked her hair.
‘I know. But I was so angry. And I was young. I just wanted to get off the island. Get away from everyone. And then, once I was gone, I didn’t know how to come back.
It felt too big a step to take. I’d be mortified to come back after such a dramatic exit, you know?
’ Sorrel sighed. ‘I drifted for a while. I went to London. Then I met Simon. We started the business after we’d been seeing each other about a year.
I was kind of committed to a new life after that. ’
She took a breath and told him about her biological father turning up, and about all of her sisters arguing about it. About Bluebell, and how upset she was about everything.
‘I missed you so much, Sorrel. I get it. It was a really tough thing to learn about yourself. But you could have called. Emailed. Something.’ Tam’s long-lashed gaze met hers: she was heartbroken to see the pain in his deep hazel eyes.
‘I understand why Bluebell feels the way she does. It was really tough without you. And it’ll be tough on her now, having to adjust.’
‘I know. I just wish she’d talk to me… and I’m so sorry, Tam.
I… I didn’t know what to say to you,’ she said, haltingly.
‘I felt like a fraud. That the girl you knew was someone else, and I… I didn’t know who I was.
I just thought I’d be a disappointment, so I stayed away.
I thought, in some kind of twisted way, I was doing you a favour. ’
‘You weren’t.’ Tam took her chin gently in his hand and tilted her head up to face his. ‘I missed you for every single day of the ten years you were gone. Even with Beth, bless her heart. I loved her. But it… it was different to you and me.’ He paused. ‘You broke my heart.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Sorrel whispered. ‘I’m so sorry, Tam.’
‘For the record, I don’t care who your dad is. I don’t care if you’re not a Balhennie. I don’t care about anything but you. I loved you then, Sorrel. And I love you now.’ Tam bent his head to hers. ‘Nothing has changed. I still want you.’
‘I want you too,’ she breathed.