Chapter 17 Ash
ASH
MAY PRESENT DAY
You are quite pretty, sweetheart.
I wake with a gasp. Glancing around the room, my shoulders finally relax. Just a nightmare.
For a moment, I don’t remember last night, but all at once, everything comes flooding back.
I’m still in my clothes. Rubbing my eyes, black mascara smudges onto my fingers. How did I end up in my bed? I remember Gabe dragging me out of the bar, but that’s about it.
Damn it, he must have carried me inside. Of all the men in the world, why did it have to be him? It’s not enough that he broke my heart, but it seems I’m destined to embarrass myself in front of him for eternity.
I slide out of bed, move to the dresser, and strip off my smoke-infused clothes before throwing on a T-shirt and wiping the leftover makeup from my face.
I get all of two steps out of my room before almost falling over my own feet when I see what’s on the couch.
The man who haunts every one of my dreams is stretched out, fully clothed, with an arm tucked under his head.
I walk over to where his sweatshirt’s draped over the back of the couch and throw it at him.
“Get the fuck out,” I bark.
Startling awake, he sits up, rubs his eyes, and squints at me.
“Good morning to you too, sunshine.” Noticing my bare legs, he lifts a brow.
“No. It’s not a good morning. A man I hate is on my couch. Get out,” I repeat, trotting to the kitchen. If I have any chance of surviving today, I need coffee immediately.
“You know, a thank you would be nice,” he yells from the living room.
“Thanks for the ride. You’re welcome for the accommodation. Get. Out.”
He appears in the doorway, leaning on his shoulder. “We could have coffee.”
“Or we could not. I’d prefer it if I never saw you again,” I bite, avoiding his eyes. I don’t want to see if it hurts him. I just want him to disappear.
“Ouch. Okay. Well, I’ll go then,” he says, but he doesn’t move.
“You do that. I need to get busy on the house, and I can’t do that if I’m occupied throwing you out.”
When I glance back, he’s gone. I move to the doorway of the kitchen, watching as he grabs his shit.
Before reaching the door, his eyes meet mine for the first time this morning. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Throwing up a hand with a fake smile plastered to my face, I add, “I always am.”
I retreat to the kitchen.
Fuck him. I appreciate that he didn’t let me do something I’d regret last night, but I don’t owe him shit. He’s an asshole and a liar, and I want him as far away from me as possible. The door closes, and I let out a deep breath.
I need something in my stomach and a shower before I can do anything else today.
Just as I finish drying my hair, Nik calls to ask if I could give her a ride to the shop.
As we drive through town, I can feel the stress evaporate from my body.
It’s crazy how one day can take a place you loved and turn it into a nightmare.
As I pass places that hold some of the most joyful times of my life, I can only think about the last few moments I spent here.
That day broke my heart in a way it could never be repaired.
Of all the horrible things I’ve experienced, it was that one day that changed me irrevocably.
Even the heartbreak with Casey can’t compare to the damage the beautiful boy from Ravens Ridge did to me.
He dropped my heart off a cliff, and I can never get it back.
We pull up outside the garage, and I park in a spot facing the building. My heart plummets. A familiar redhead stands out front with the guys. Wrapped around her waist are the arms of the man who ruined my life.
“Is he still fucking her?”
Nik follows my line of sight.
“No, you know how they are. I don’t know why they don’t just get married and get it over with. She’s the only one that can put up with his dumbass.” The second the words leave her mouth, she winces. “Shit. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”
“It’s fine. I don’t give a shit what he does,” I say, but I can’t pull my eyes off them.
Her mouth twists into a sad smile. “Are you okay?”
I finally snap out of it. “Yeah. Totally fine. Just tired.”
The nightmares had all but stopped before I came back. I guess it’s just being here, but they’ve been keeping me up more nights than not.
“Okay. Thanks for the ride.” She climbs out of the car.
When I lift my gaze again to the couple, his eyes meet mine. The bright smile instantly fades, his arms dropping from her waist. I avert my eyes as my phone rings.
“Shit,” I mutter under my breath. Casey has called half a dozen times over the last week, but I always ignore him.
He’s supposed to talk to Jess if he needs something pertaining to Maggie, and she’ll get ahold of me.
Something about all of this shit with Gran has my pending divorce weighing on me less and less.
It all still sucks, but I have my own shit to deal with.
“Hello?”
“Ashton, I’ve been calling all week. Where are you?”
“I told you, I’m out of town. Is Maggie okay?”
“Yeah, she’s fine. I called because I wanted to talk to you.”
My brows crease. In the weeks since we split, he’s not once asked to talk. “Talk about what?”
“About us.” He says it like it was silly of me to ask. Like I should already know.
“Uh… Casey, we’re separated. There is no us.”
He exhales loudly. “I know. That’s what I wanted to talk about. Baby, I screwed up.”
I almost choke on my own saliva.
He continues by saying, “I got caught up in the moment. It was a mistake.”
“A mistake?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what I was thinking. I thought this is what I wanted, but I miss you.”
“And what about Rachel?”
“We broke up.”
Something nags at the back of my mind.
“Did she break up with you, or did you break up with her?”
He doesn’t answer right away, and my stomach sinks.
“Why’s it matter?”
I scoff, rolling my eyes. I’ve spent weeks dreaming about this call, but not like this.
I don’t want to be his second choice. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering if he really wants to be with me or if I’m just the one he falls back on.
Maybe a few weeks ago this would have been enough, but not now.
“I’m sorry, Casey. I’m not interested in being your back up plan.”
“That’s not what this is.”
“Is it not? You chose her. The only reason you think it’s a mistake now is because she dumped you. I can’t do that to myself. And frankly, I have enough shit on my plate without this drama.”
“You’re not hearing me. It was a mistake. It doesn’t matter who broke up with who. I want my wife back.”
“Well, I’m sorry. I don’t want to be your wife anymore.”
“Where are you? Can we sit down and talk?” He’s getting aggravated, but I don’t care. If anything, this conversation is making me see just how much I don’t want to work things out with him.
“No. I don’t want to talk. And I told you I’m out of town dealing with some family shit.”
“Okay, but where?” His tone’s sharper this time.
“If you have to know, I’m in Ravens Ridge. I’m selling Gran’s house.”
“Huh,” he says like he’s figured out the answer to a riddle.
“What?”
“That’s it, isn’t it? You’re finally getting your big chance to win him back. Is that your plan? To run off into the sunset with him?”
My mouth pops open because I cannot believe we’re having this conversation. I laugh. “Have you lost your mind? I told you what happened with him. How can you even say that?”
“I mean, it looks suspicious.”
“No, it doesn’t. Gran died just before you dumped me. Great timing, by the way. Now, I have to clean out her house. That’s all it is.”
“You’re really gonna do this to me, and to Mag—”
“No, Casey. You did this. You cheated, and you chose her over us. You made this bed.”
“Yeah, and who suffers for it?”
“Why don’t you let me worry about Maggie,” I spit.
“I’m her father!” he shouts.
I stop, closing my eyes and sucking in a sharp breath before I say something I don’t mean. “If you cared about us, you wouldn’t have cheated in the first place. So, please for fuck’s sake, let it be.” Every word leaves me feeling more exasperated.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think—”
“No. It seems you don’t think about anyone but you. Do you know how devastated she is every time you don’t show up when you say you will?” I shake my head as a few stray tears sneak their way out of my lashes. I’m so sick of crying.
“Ashton, baby, please let me fix this.”
With that, my heart cracks open. “I don’t think it’s something you can fix. I need time. I need to figure out my own shit, and I can’t do that and fix our marriage at the same time. If you want to fix things, fix them with Maggie. She’s the one that matters.”
“So, you’re giving up on us?”
I exhale, letting my head fall back on the headrest. “Sure. If that’s what you want to call it.”
The line goes dead, and I look up to see Gabe still staring at me before I pull out of the parking lot.