Chapter 20 Ash
ASH
MAY PRESENT DAY
I’ve been on edge since my dad showed up, feeling like he might pop up at any moment. Gran used to send me out to the lake when something was bothering me, and I swear today it’s calling my name.
Grabbing my book, I practically float out the backdoor. The weather-worn wood deck creaks under my steps as I prance across it and down the three steps. The summer breeze whips through my hair and freshly cut grass sticks to my sandals on my jog to the edge of her open backyard.
I cross the gravel road that wraps around the lake before barreling toward my little slice of paradise.
It’s mostly flat green grass, but there are a few trees surrounding the water and a long dock that we used to fish off of when I was a kid.
A few feet from the water stands the most beautiful magnolia tree.
After kicking off my sandals, I flop down in the grass under it. The second my body hits the ground, I groan. God, I’ve missed this. Gran used to say the lake was magic. I don’t know if it’s fixing anything, but it’s definitely what I needed.
Staring up at the blooms floating across the bright blue sky, I inhale the smell of the water and lean up on my elbows to take it all in.
The trees are probably a little taller, and I’m sure there are new fish in the lake, but it all seems the same from here.
My heart sinks. This will be my last summer here.
My conflicting emotions about Ravens Ridge don’t negate the fact that I have beautiful memories here, and I’m going to miss this place—I’m going to miss Gran.
I pull out a Jane Austen novel and lie back, using it to block the sun.
When I was a teenager, I used to spend hours out here, reading and staring up at the clouds.
The sounds of the water rippling in the background with the occasional plunk of a fish jumping is the perfect soundtrack for laying in the summer sun.
It’s like everything else disappears, and it’s just me and Mr. Darcy—or in today’s case, Emma.
I can feel Gran out here. Like she’s all around me. Maybe she’s the wind that blows a stray curl across my face or the magnolia blossom that falls and lands on my forehead. I’ve been so caught up in the grief of her not being here, but what I wasn’t seeing is that she is.
Just as Harriet realizes her love for Mr. Knightley, a rumbling from behind me has my heart taking off. I sit up, turning to look at the road. My chest grows tight when I see him.
Gabe hops off his bike, taking off his helmet and shaking out his hair before placing it on the seat.
The sun hits the blond strands, lighting him up to look almost ethereal.
It’s cruel really. Then he slips off his leather cut, draping it next to the helmet.
I’ve seen him do exactly that a dozen times, but this time it fills me with apprehension instead of anticipation.
Finally, he notices me and stops. For a second, we stare at each other. An invisible wave of pain and unspoken words—and words I wish had been left unspoken—cascade between us. My scalp prickles under his gaze.
Just when I think he’s going to jump back on his bike, he waves and takes the first step toward me. His boots leave the grass pressed into the earth with each stride.
“Sorry. I didn’t even think about you coming out here. I’ll leave. It just didn’t feel right to not at least say hello,” he says.
“It’s okay. I believe I told you we’d share custody, though.” I offer him a smile. “Technically, this is my time.”
He lets out a half-laugh. “Yeah. Well, I’ve been using your shares for a while now.” Sitting beside me, he takes a deep breath. “How’s it going with the house?”
“Fine.” I shrug. “There’s a lot of stuff.”
I don’t know if it’s the magic of the lake or the exhaustion of the last few months finally kicking in, but I don’t have the energy to fight with him.
“I bet. People tend to accumulate a lot of shit over a lifetime.”
“Yeah…” I look down at my hands not saying anything for a beat. There’s something I’ve been wishing I could say but haven’t because we’ve been at each other’s throats every time I’ve seen him.
Finally, I just say it. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about your dad. He was a really great guy.”
“He was. Thanks. It’s kind of weird now. You think you’ll get used to life without someone eventually, but I don’t know if I ever will. Things weren’t great between us before he passed. I was going through my own shit, and…” He shakes his head. “I just wish I could go back, I guess.”
My eyes take in his profile. Nik called and told me when Jon died. I wanted to reach out, but I knew he wouldn’t answer.
He sighs. “Anyway, I’m alright. I still have my mom, and lord knows she’s up my ass enough for the both of them.”
Knowing Colette, I’m sure she is.
I nudge him with my elbow. “I’m sorry for being such a bitch before. I’m just having a hard time right now, I guess.”
“It’s okay. You haven’t given me anything I don’t deserve.”
“That’s probably true, but I’m still sorry. And for the record, I do appreciate you getting me out of that bar the other night. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
He lifts a shoulder and matter-of-factly says, “No problem. I’ll always have your back.”
When our eyes meet, my words get stuck behind my teeth. For a moment, I recognize the man sitting beside me. But that’s not right. That man doesn’t exist, and pretending he does will just end with disappointment.
“That’s not true,” I whisper.
He rolls his lips under, holding back whatever he wants to say. A second ticks by, then two before he says, “Ash—”
I clear my throat and stand. “Anyway, I guess I need to get back in there. I have a lot to do.”
Whatever he’s about to say, I don’t want to hear it. If it’s an apology he wants to give, I don’t want it. And if he’s just going to repeat what he said back then, I don’t need to hear that either.
“Yeah, you better.” He turns back to the water. “I’m sure your husband’s ready for you to come home.”
His words have my legs turning to Jell-O, and my heart begins to pound against my chest. It’s not like I was trying to hide that. I mean, Nik and Shane were at my wedding, I knew he’d probably heard, but something about that comment doesn’t sit right.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” he asks, not bothering to look away from the water.
“Act like you know anything about me.”
He finally turns back to look at me, and something shifts. Whatever he was feeling before is gone. He quirks a brow. “Don’t I?”
“No. You don’t. I’m not the girl I was when I left. You made sure of that, didn’t you?”
His face falls before his nostrils flair and he stands, moving closer.
“What’s he think of that tattoo on your ass?” he asks with a cocky smirk.
There he is. The man underneath the facade. The one who says things just to cut me.
I lift my chin, trying to conceal just how much he’s still able to get under my skin. “I had it removed.”
He scoffs. “Yeah, I bet you did.”
Shrugging, I say, “It’d be pretty pathetic to keep it since it was just a stupid summer fling, don’t you think?”
Bullseye.
Pain flashes in his eyes. Good. I hope it hurts like a bitch. No one deserves it more than him.
Spinning on my heel, I keep my shoulders straight all the way back to the house, not reacting until I slam the door to my bedroom.
I’m still stewing long past dinner time. I flop down on Gran’s couch, flipping on the TV. He has a lot of nerve showing up here to play that Jekyll and Hyde shit. You’d think he’d get tired of messing with my head after a while.
A thud comes from outside the front door.
“What the hell,” I mutter under my breath, sitting straight up.
When I hear it again, my heart lurches. Before I can spiral into a panic, I recognize Shane’s voice through the door.
“Motherfucker,” he mumbles.
Relief washes over me, and my shoulders relax. I jog over and rip it open. “What are you—”
Everything stops.
He’s stumbling around on the porch with dirty clothes, greasy hair, and pronounced dark circles.
“Oh my god. Are you okay?”
He shakes his head, shuffling inside.
Reaching up, I grab his face. “Shane, what the—You’re burning up.”
He heaves, and I race to the kitchen, dumping the groceries I bought earlier on the counter. I shove the bag at him just in time for his stomach to empty.
“It’s okay. Get it out,” I soothe, running a hand in circles on his warm back.
When I’m pretty sure the vomiting has paused long enough to move, I grab his arm and guide him to the couch. “Come on. Sit down.”
As he does, his eyelids get heavy and his head bobs.
Tapping the side of his face, I shout, “Shane. Hey!”
“Hmm.” He cracks an eye.
“Hey. Are you okay? What should I do? Should I take you somewhere?”
I’ve seen him high before, but not like this. He shakes his head, heaving again.
“Shit.” Grabbing the bag, I lean him forward, but most of it lands on the floor before he flops back on the couch. His eyes close one last time, and his breathing slows.
“Shane. Open your eyes. Tell me you’re okay!”
He doesn’t respond this time, and my heart thumps wildly in my chest.
I need to do something.
Think, Ash. Think.
I guide him down to his side and run my fingers through his hair.
What the hell.
Grabbing my phone, I squeeze my eyes shut. Shane lays lifeless as fear plows into me. I need help or I’m going to lose my brother.
Nik—No.
He’ll kill me if I let her see him like this.
JT.
Pulling his phone from his right pocket, I try turning it on, but when the screen lights up, it says two percent.
Shit.
Racing to my room, I rip my charger from the wall before returning to the living room. With shaky hands, I plug it in and scroll through his contacts before hitting the call button with my heart in my throat.
His voicemail picks up. Hey, it’s JT. You can leave a message, but I probably won’t listen to it. Beep.
“Goddamn it,” I mutter under my breath, knowing what I need to do.
I scroll through his contacts until I get to him, then press call.
“What the fuck, man. Where are you?” The gravelly voice shouts from the other end.
“Gabriel? I—”
My voice cracks, a sob breaking free before I finish the sentence. His name rolls off my tongue like a prayer.
Despite what’s happened, I knew he’d answer. He wouldn’t let anything happen to Shane, and if anyone can handle a crisis, it’s Gabriel Abbott.
“Ash? Hey, what’s wrong? Where’s Shane?” The concern lacing his voice has me trembling.
“He’s here. He just showed up, and I—I don’t know what to do. It’s bad. Please help me.” My words become more panicked as tears race down my cheeks.
“Okay. I’m on my way. Is he conscious?”
“He was, but he’s not now.”
This is the nightmare I’ve been dreading for years, and I’m not ready to lose him. He’s been there for me when every other man in my life has let me down. He’s my partner in crime, my sounding board, my shoulder to cry on, and my best friend.
“Yeah. I’ll be there in a minute. Get him on his side in case he pukes.”
Too late for that.
“O-okay.”
I turn the phone on speaker, stretching the charger across the room to lay it on the coffee table, so I can crawl over to the couch and grab Shane’s hand.
“Gabriel?”
“Yeah?”
“Please don’t hang up.”
I press a kiss to Shane’s forehead and brush the hair from his face. “Please be okay. Please. I need you,” I whisper so only Shane can hear me.
“I won’t. I’m pulling out now. Everything’s gonna be fine. Is he on his side?” The turn signal clicks in the background.
“Yeah.” I sniff.
“Okay, good. That’s good. You’ve got this.”
“I can’t lose him,” I sob, dropping my forehead to his arm.
“I know. I’m so sorry, Ash. When’s the last time you heard from him?”
“Um…”
He was here a week ago, when everything happened with my dad. Nik called this weekend asking if I’d seen him, but I figured he was just avoiding me because he felt guilty.
“I guess a week ago. God, where’s he been this whole time? He looks terrible.”
“A week-long binge will do that to you,” he mumbles.