Chapter 31 #2
My heart thumps with the rhythm of the rain. “No. You dumped me in a text while I was lying in a hospital bed. Don’t you think we should talk about that?”
He flinches but immediately covers it, leaving me wondering if I even saw it at all. My hair’s soaked, a few strands sticking to my face.
“None of it matters.”
It matters to me. All of it matters to me.
“Why?”
He lets out an exasperated exhale. “I’m just not feeling it, alright?”
What the hell does that even mean?
“You were feeling it just fine before I was shot.”
He shrugs and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, and now I’m not, okay? Just go home.”
When he finally meets my gaze, his expression’s cold. Gone is the boy I knew. No sign of the kindness I’ve gotten used to this summer. Only indifference. He’s not my Gabriel; I don’t know this man.
“So what? We’re just done?”
“Ash—”
“No. Fuck that! I love you.” I step forward.
He can’t just decide when we’re done. I know what we felt this summer. It can’t just be over like this.
I try grabbing him again, but he pushes me away.
“I don’t know what you want me to say; I don’t want you here.”
I rear back like he’s slapped me. Shaking my head, my words come out choked. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yeah, Ash. I do.”
The world stops spinning around me, or maybe it speeds up. I’m not sure. All I know is, I can’t breathe. Or think, for that matter.
“No. No! You’re lying.”
This isn’t happening. Now I’m sure this is a dream—no, a nightmare, because my Gabriel wouldn’t do this. He loves me.
“It’s done.” He scoffs, starting to walk away.
Grabbing his arm, my voice cracks as I say, “Please don’t do this.”
He sighs, bringing his eyes back to me. “I’m not doing anything. Summer’s almost over, anyways.”
“So?” My brows pinch. “What, this was just some fling for you?”
I know it wasn’t.
He’s mine. I don’t know why he’s doing this, but I know we weren’t just a fling!
“Yeah.” His eyes drop to the ground, and for a second, I think he’s going to change his mind. The man I know flickers under the surface for a moment.
“No, it wasn’t,” I snarl, my lip curling.
Then he’s gone again. Back to that damn indifference. “I’m sorry if you thought it was more than that.”
I stare blankly at him for a second before shouting, “I didn’t think it was more than that. It was more! And you know it!”
“I’m not dealing with this fucking drama. Just go home.”
When he starts to walk away again, I chase after him, gritting my teeth from the pain. My heart pounds against my ribs like it’s trying to get out, and maybe it is because it belongs with him.
“Gabriel!” I grab his arm, then slap his chest with a wet smack before shoving him backward.
He stumbles back a few steps, before continuing toward his truck, his jaw ticing. “Ash, stop.”
The sound of the rain hitting the pavement is so loud. Why is it so loud! I can’t even hear myself think. It’s just the goddamn rain and my thundering heart.
As he reaches his truck, I let out a scream, bending at the waist. Am I losing my mind? I can hear how out of control I sound, but it’s like I can’t stop it. It’s all happening too fast.
I charge toward him, ripping him back by the arm until his back is against the truck.
“Don’t you dare leave. Say you love me!” I choke as I say, “Tell me you fucking love me!”
His face is cold when he speaks, words rolling off his tongue without a trace of emotion. “It wasn’t real. I don’t love you. I never loved you, Ash.”
“No!” Raising a hand, I try to slap him.
“Stop!” He grabs my wrist. “Just fucking stop. It’s pathetic.”
Everything crashes down around me as anger rages in my veins, but it can’t exceed the crippling pain. My skin pulses like there’s something under the surface about to explode. I’m a tea kettle, and if he walks away from me, I’m going to blow.
Tearing my wrist from him, I say, “Pathetic? You know what’s pathetic? That you can’t admit you love me too. I don’t know why you’re pretending you don’t!”
“Because I don’t! Why don’t you fucking get it? You were a great fuck. That’s it. Just go!”
I stumble back a step, pointing at him. “Fuck you! You’re a liar!”
“Yeah, and you’re a fucking child.” He climbs into his truck.
No.
No.
I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of it. Please come back.
I race to stop him, wishing I hadn’t let my anger get the better of me. Wishing I’d been able to reason with him. “Please, don’t go! Gabriel! Please!”
But he slams the door and pulls away before I reach him.
My hand smacks into the side of his truck as it passes.
The pain erupts over my skin and down my leg.
My chest caves in. It’s like I’m burning alive.
Dropping to my knees, the hard concrete grounding my pain.
Gravel crunches under his truck tires as he gets farther and farther away, and I bury my face in my hands and let the weight of his words drown me.
Gentle arms wrap around me as my shoulders shake, and Gran’s soft voice filters through my cries. “You’re gonna be alright.”
“I love him,” I choke out.
“I know, but you deserve so much more than this.”
I sob harder. I don’t care what I deserve. I don’t even care about the horrible things he said. I want him to come back.
I feel like I’ve been stranded in the middle of a desert.
He was the only person who’s ever truly seen me.
Truly loved me. He made me feel special and worthy.
Now, I feel empty, and abandoned, and alone.
His last words slowly soak in, and I feel like every bone in my body is cracking open.
I’m raw, equally exposed and invisible, if that makes any sense.
I sit in the parking lot for what feels like an eternity, sobbing and secretly hoping he’ll come back for me.
But he never does.