Chapter 36 - Gabe
GABE
AUGUST PRESENT DAY
Why is all the Jack gone? I toss the empty bottle in the trash before picking up the Jim Beam beside the kitchen sink.
Also, empty.
There’s no way I drank that much.
I open all the cabinets, scanning the contents before slamming them shut when I come up short. Groaning, I rub my hands down my face, then slide to the floor.
Fuck me.
I sniff, then wrinkle my nose.
More booze, or a shower?
Really, it should probably be both. I don’t know how many days it’s been since I did. I’ve just been locked up here, drinking my rage away. No shower needed for that.
But the crushing pain that wracks my sober body is unbearable, so more booze is a necessity.
After a quick shower, I grab my keys and head out for task number two.
I’m coming out of the gas station when I run smack into Ash.
“Oh,” she says, stumbling back, her phone still in her hand. Her wide eyes lift to mine. “Gabriel—”
Fuck me. Why is she here? The universe must really have it out for me because I’m nowhere near ready for this shit.
She’s looking at me with puppy-dog eyes, and I hate it.
I’m not doing this today.
With my head down, I brush past her, moving as quickly as I can to my truck.
“Gabriel, please.”
Keep going.
“Please, stop!”
Those words bring me to a halt. We’ve done this before. I walk away; she chases me down. It all ends the same, doesn’t it?
A few days ago, I thought we were meant to be. But I had it all wrong. All we’re good at is hurting each other.
She grabs my arm. I don’t turn, just look down at her fingers on my bare forearm.
“Gabriel. I’m sorry—”
“So, it’s true?” I ask, clenching my jaw.
“What?”
“The kid, Ash.” Spinning on her, I yank my arm away. “She’s mine, right?” It comes out sharper than I’d like.
Her eyes soften. Pity. Not regret.
“Why?” My voice cracks.
She takes a step back. “I—”
“You what? You just hid my own kid from me for six years, then forgot to mention it all goddamn summer?”
“It’s not like that.”
“No?”
She shakes her head, tears forming in her eyes. “I tried to tell you, but you ignored all my calls, and then I thought—”
“She’s my fucking kid!” I ball my fists.
She rears back, the tears retreating and her brows furrowing. “I was trying to keep her safe.”
“You can’t possibly think I’d—"
“What was I supposed to think! You broke up with me in a fucking text message! You made me think I was crazy for believing you loved me! You called me pathetic! Even then, I tried!” Her voice comes out shrill and her neck flushes. “You fucking blocked me!”
“Could’ve called Shane. You took years from me! Years! And you let someone else raise her!”
“No.” She shakes her head. “You made your choice the day you left us.”
Has she lost her goddamn mind?
“Us? I didn’t know!”
A crowd starts to form, watching this tiny woman scream at the big bad wolf.
“Ugh!” she shrieks, stomping her foot. “Are you even listening to me at all!”
“Enough!” Lily barrels toward me.
Where the hell’d she come from?
Ash rolls her eyes. Hard. “Don’t worry, you can have him back when I’m done.”
Lily blinks, her brows lifting. “Ash, that’s—”
She turns her ire back on me.
“You’re done talking. Now you get to shut up and listen. You did this to yourself! Do you really think just because you showed up at my house and said sorry, you’re suddenly the good guy here?” she shouts, her fists clenched at her sides.
Fuck.
Her face turns a bright red, her eyes steel.
“I loved you!” she shouts, stepping toward me with that finger raised again. “I never once blamed you for what happened! But how dare you act like this is all my fault!”
Lily steps between us, pulling her phone from her pocket. “I’m calling Shane! Stop it!”
“Good. Call him! I’ve got some shit to say to that motherfucker too! Might as well air it all out!” Holding out my arms, I step back from her.
“You don’t get to blame him. You did this!
” She lunges, but Lily catches her by the arm.
“You have no fucking clue what I’ve been through!
How horrible it was! How bad I wished I’d just died that night!
” Her voice breaks and she shoves Lily off her and clumsily bats her hair from her face. “Don’t fucking touch me!”
She gets right in my face. “You had your whole fucking club to get you through it. Hell, you even still have my brother. I had no one! I grieved alone! I healed alone! And I made my fucking decision alone!”
My chest heaves, but I can’t find the words to say. Every nerve in my body feels exposed, and the eyes watching us feel like they’re burning my flesh from my bones.
There’s no air left. My throat tightens.
“I can’t do this,” I mutter, tearing open the door and climbing in my truck before looking at Lily. “Tell Shane he knows where he can find me.”
I need to get the hell out of here. I can’t do this. Not right now and definitely not in front of half the damn town at a gas station.
I’ve not felt whole since the day Ash left, but this is a brand-new type of empty because there’s no solution that fixes this.
I’m silent on the way back to the shop, not exploding until I finally put it in park. Then a guttural scream leaves my throat, and I slam my hands on the steering wheel. Over and over and over.
Letting my head fall back on the seat when I’m done, I grip the wheel until my knuckles blanch, and my chest heaves as I catch my breath.
I’d give anything to talk to my dad right now.
That might sound strange considering he was one of the people telling me to send her away in the first place, but he’d know what I’m supposed to do now.
He’d tell me how to make this right. He wasn’t perfect, and I had mixed emotions about him when he died, but he tried to be a good dad. And in a lot of ways, he was.
Once I’ve half-ass collected myself, I go inside and find a spot at the clubhouse bar to throw myself a pity party.
I open the top of a cheap bottle of whiskey and pour a glass. Fuck her for doing this.
I pour another. Fuck this club for taking her from me in the first goddamn place.
And another. Fuck me for letting her go.
Another.
The door swings open and blood roars in my ears.
And fuck Shane for not telling me.
“Gabe—”
Charging toward him, I shove his shoulders. “Did you know?”
“Gabe, listen.” He throws his hands up.
Pinning him to the wall, all I see is red. “Did you fucking know!”
My hands shake. I’m ready to rip his head from his body. The look on his face says it all, but I want to hear him say it.
“Yeah, I knew,” he says softly, looking down.
Scoffing, I shove him before running my hands through my hair.
“You have to understand—”
“Understand? You want me to understand that I have a fucking kid no one told me about?” Spit flies from my mouth as I shove him back again. “You’re supposed to be my best friend!”
I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that the life I dreamt of with Ash was happening all this time without me knowing. Or the fact that now I know and can’t have it.
“I know.” He closes his eyes tightly.
“Yeah, you know.” I shake my head, trying to collect my thoughts. “Six years, Shane. Six fucking years you’ve all been lying to me.”
“She was broken, man. Like, really fucking broken because of you.” He points his finger at me, and I swear to God it takes everything I have not to reach out and break it.
“Yeah, and why is that, huh?” Answering my own question, I shout, “It’s because no one fucking told me!”
“Okay.” He nods. “And why do you think we didn’t tell you?”
“I don’t know!”
Am I losing my mind? Because it feels like he’s not hearing himself. After all the shit he’s done, he’s really going to act like my actions were so unforgivable. I have a kid! No excuses can justify him hiding that from me.
“Because we were all trying to look out for that little girl! All any of us wanted was to keep her safe!”
“Yeah? You don’t think I would’ve felt the same way?”
That’s all anyone keeps saying. Like that wouldn’t have been my number one priority. I was petrified after what happened to Ash. I wouldn’t put my kid in a position to be hurt, but what’s it say about me that they all think I would’ve?
He shakes his head.
I add, “I didn’t ask about her because you told me not to. Meanwhile, you lied to my face every goddamn day!”
My hands tremble, and I think if it was possible, smoke would be billowing from my ears. I stomp toward the bar before throwing over my shoulder, “You’re fired, and you’re done with the club. Get out.”
“She’s my fucking sister!” he screams, his voice coming out strangled this time.
“Gabe! My baby sister! You can’t expect me to choose you.
I’m supposed to protect her! That’s my job, and I let her get hurt!
None of this would have happened if you’d just stayed away from her!
” He deflates, his arms dropping to his sides.
“Why couldn’t you just stay away from her? ”
“Because I loved her!”
“Yeah, and that almost got her killed!” he says, approaching me. “Is that what you want for Maggie too?”
I swing.
He stumbles back, covering his mouth as blood trickles down his chin. I close in on him, my fist landing on his cheek this time, knocking him to the floor.
I climb on top of him and rear back again.
JT grabs my wrist and yanks me backward.
I flail. “You’re a fucking piece of shit.”
“Yeah, I am, but I think you need to look in a mirror because so are you,” he snarls, wiping blood from his mouth as he stands.
“Well, if I wasn’t before, you all made sure I was when you made me a fucking deadbeat, didn’t you?” I try to lunge, but JT doesn’t let me free.
“Yeah, blame us all you want, man, but you played your part in this shit storm too,” he says.
“Fuck you!” I scream.
“Enough!” JT booms, flinging me away from Shane.
I shrug him off, storming toward the bar.
“Get him the fuck out of my club,” I growl over my shoulder.
Pulling another bottle from behind the bar, I pour one more glass of whiskey. Shane walks behind me as I glare at him until he’s out the door.