Chapter 35 - Gabe
GABE
AUGUST PRESENT DAY
Ash left, again.
My heart feels like it’s been ripped open from the inside, again.
And I don’t know that I can handle it this time.
I’m struggling to keep myself from regretting everything.
I’ve spent the last two days trying to convince myself I could let her go.
The problem is, I still haven’t fully accomplished it. On one hand, maybe she finally got the closure she needed, and she’ll never think of this town again.
I should be able to live with that. It’s what’s best for her.
On the other hand, I don’t know what I want without her. Scratch that. I know exactly what I want.
Only her.
I don’t think I ever got past what happened, but I found a way to convince myself that I did the right thing and learned to live with it. Maybe I would’ve if Ash hadn’t come back. But I knew the second I found her keys in the garage, it’d break me to let her go a second time.
I’ve gotten as far as the truck a handful of times since she left, only to talk myself out of going after her. Then I saw that picture I took from her room.
I can’t live like this.
For the first time in years, my mind is crystal clear.
I know exactly what I want. I want the girl I’ve spent afternoons with under the magnolia tree and shared secrets with on the roof. I want a life where we’re safe and happy and she tells me when I’m being an asshole and I get to listen to her ramble about whatever pops into her head.
I want years with her, not just summers. With my heart thumping wildly in my chest, I put on my shoes and walk out of the apartment. Pulling out my phone, I call JT.
“Hey, man.”
“Hey, can you open the shop tomorrow? I’m gonna be out of town.”
“Sure. Where you going?”
“To Ash’s.”
“You’re going after her?” he asks excitedly.
“Yeah. Enough fucking around. I love her.”
“Yeah, I know.” I can hear him smiling through the phone. “Good for you. You deserve to be happy, man. So does she.”
“Oh, one more thing, can you get her address from Shane?
“Uh, sure. I’ll try”
“Don’t tell him it’s for me. He’ll freak out, and I’m not ready to deal with that shit,” I say.
“I’ve got you.”
This time, I make it all the way to my truck and climb in. Turning the key, there’s no voice talking me out of it this time.
I have to try.
My hands sweat and my knees bounce the entire two hours to Raleigh. This is what I should’ve done six years ago.
My dad was wrong. Brenda was wrong.
I was wrong.
Nothing matters without Ash.
She’s the sun. It’s cold and dark outside her orbit, and I don’t want to live there anymore. I miss her warmth and her laugh.
She’s mine, and I’m not letting her get away again.
I find Ash’s car parked by the curb in a picture-perfect neighborhood. Nice houses line the street. There are kids riding bikes on the sidewalk. This is the life I was trying to give her when I sent her away, but it didn’t keep her from hurting right along with me, did it?
Walking up to the porch, there’s a swing and a tiny Minnie Mouse folding chair.
A half-empty cup of coffee sits on a glass-top table.
My eyes meet the storm door in front of me, and I ring the doorbell before hearing the chimes from inside the house.
I suck in a breath as the moment comes into focus. The wait is finally over.
Hopefully.
I guess she could send me away, but I don’t think so.
We aren’t over. We never were.
Footsteps thunder on the other side before I finally hear the click of the lock.
This is it. I’m about to get my girl back. Warmth spreads across my chest, and electricity surges through my veins.
As the dark wood door swings open, a little girl wearing a princess dress, a pink sock on one tiny foot, and a purple sock on the other stares up at me.
Whose kid is that?
I look at the number on the house again before taking in the wild blonde curls, half pulled up on top of her head with frizzy ringlets falling around her face like she’s been rolling around on the floor.
Her wide grin falls, and her big blue eyes lose a bit of their shine.
“It’s not him, Mommy!”
Mommy?
Clattering rings out from deep within the house, and Ash shouts, “Who is it, then?”
Her lips twist, and her shoulders slump as she looks back at me with those eyes.
What color were her ex’s eyes?
My heart thumps in my ears, and my chest squeezes.
This isn’t real.
“How old are you?” I manage to croak out.
Her brows pinch, but then she grins big and holds up an open hand. “Five.”
All the air whooshes from my lungs.
His eyes weren’t blue.
I step back, sweat collecting on my brow. It didn’t feel this hot before.
“I think he’s sick! He looks green!”
“What? Close the door, Mag—”
I can see Ash out of the corner of my eye, but I can’t tear them away from the little girl.
“Gabriel…”
She’s staring back at me with those eyes.
My fucking eyes.
Ash steps in front of her.
“What’reyoudoinghere?” It comes out as one long word, and it’s all the confirmation I need.
That’s my daughter.