Chapter 34
GABE
The night of the shooting.
“Abbot, Micheals, Taylor.” The guard unlocks the holding cell.
Shane jumps up, storming out like his ass is on fire.
He hasn’t said a word to me the whole time we’ve been here.
His sister was in my apartment, and now she may be dead.
I’ve spent my share of time in jail, but this has by far felt like the longest. Part of me dreads leaving, though.
What if when we get out, they tell us she’s gone.
At least in here, I can still hold out hope.
After getting our shit, we head to the parking lot. Shane puts a few yards between us before pulling out his phone. JT goes to him.
My mother wraps her arms around my neck, sniffling. “Oh, honey! God, I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Ash?” The voice that comes out of me doesn’t sound like my own.
She pulls back. I don’t like that look on her face. “Last I heard, she was still in surgery.”
Relief and dread swirl and tangle in my gut. She’s alive, but for how long?
“Is she gonna be okay?”
She shakes her head, like she doesn’t want to answer. “I don’t know.”
My vision blurs. “Akers?”
She blinks. Her chin quivers. I don’t need her to shake her head again to know.
“Fuck.” Turning my back to her, I wipe my face with my shirt.
My dad approaches and squeezes my shoulder. When I spin around, he pulls me to him. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
We’ve lost club members before, but this is different.
I’ve known Akers damn near my whole life.
I was there when he finally learned to ride his bike because Theo told him he couldn’t come with us to the corner store until he could.
When we snuck him into our grad night because even though he was a year younger than us, he spent most of his time with our class instead of his own.
The night we thought we were going to jail for egging our teacher’s house, Akers was the first to get caught because he panicked instead of running.
Luckily, one of the other kids had a dad on the police force and got us off the hook.
Now I’ll never see him again. Eighteen years of memories over in one moment. And I did nothing to stop it.
Maybe if I’d—
JT’s voice breaks through my spiral. “She’s still in surgery. Shane’s heading over there now.”
My mother rushes over to Shane. When she reaches for him, he brushes her off, putting up his walls. She says something to him, crossing her hands over her heart. Throwing his hands up, he responds, then stops, watches her as she speaks. After a few moments, he puts his hands on his head.
His chest heaves once.
Twice.
He collapses into her.
“Take me to the hospital,” I demand.
“Gabe—”
“Dad! I’ll walk if I have to, but you’ll have to put me in the fucking ground to keep me from going.”
He thinks about it for a beat before nodding.
“You coming?” I ask JT.
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
My mom drives Shane separately.
When we walk into the waiting room, he spots me, his eyes widen, and he charges. “What are you doing here?”
“Fuck, Shane! I’m sorry.” Tears pool in my eyes.
He pins me to the wall, getting right in my face. “Be glad she’s still breathing because if she wasn’t, you wouldn’t be either.”
“I didn’t want this to happen.” I shove him off. “I love her!”
Pointing in my face, he shouts, “I told you this was a bad idea! I told you to leave her the fuck alone!”
My voice cracks when I speak again. “I didn’t mean for her to get hurt.”
“Yeah. Well, she wouldn’t have almost bled to death if she hadn’t been in your fucking apartment, would she?”
My chest feels like it’s on fire.
“Hey!” My dad steps between us. “Enough. This isn’t about either of you right now. You can fight this out later.”
“There’s nothing to fight out. He’s dead to me,” Shane spits, walking away.
I can see it on my dad’s face. He doesn’t think Shane’s wrong. This is my fault. I loved her, and it almost got her killed… it still might.
Pressing my thumb and index finger into my eyes, my words leave my lips through a sob. “I thought I could keep her out of it.”
“I know.” I’ve never seen my dad cry. Not one time. But he has tears in his eyes.
“I fuck—” Groaning, I swipe my hand over my face as it crumples. “I fucked up.”
He presses his lips together and claps my back before walking away and leaving me to stand in the waiting room with tears in my eyes and my heart in my throat.
Eventually, I settle into a chair on the farthest corner of the room away from Shane.
We sit in the waiting room for what feels like an eternity before Ash’s mom comes out to get Shane, glaring daggers at me the entire time.
He’s gone for all of about twenty minutes before he reappears, grabs his things, and storms off. Over the next few hours, the crowd dwindles until it’s just me.
Eventually, Gran comes out.
I stand. “Is she okay?”
She nods. “She’ll be fine. You should go home. Get some rest.”
“No. I want to see her first.”
She sighs, a sad smile gracing her lips. “You can’t.”
My brows pinch. “What?”
“Her mother’s not gonna let you see her. You might as well go home. You two can talk when they let her go.”
“No. I need to see her.” I try to push past her. “I have to know she’s okay.”
She puts a hand on my chest. “I’m sorry. Not tonight.”
A pat to my chest, then she walks away, leaving me standing there desperate to put my eyes on the only person I give a shit about right now.
I don’t know how much time passes when her mother finds me passed out in a chair. She kicks my boot with her black heel, startling me awake.
I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees, rubbing my eyes.
“Go home.”
“No.”
“You’ve done enough. She’s done here. Hanging around like this is only making things worse.”
“That’s not up to you. If Ash wants me to leave, let her tell me that herself.”
“What is wrong with you? She almost died because of your stupid club. Is that what you want for her?”
“No. I—”
“This town is a death trap. You can’t protect her from that. If you love her at all, you should be able to see that. The best thing you can do for her is let her go.”
She doesn’t say another word before walking away.
At first, I’m pissed. I imagine myself barreling past the desk and barging into her room.
I’d wrap my arms around her, kiss her lips, and tell her I’m so in love with her.
In love with every single thing about her.
But security would try to stop me, and another night in jail might push me over the edge.
Then, I think I’ll wait her out. I’ll stand at the door until they discharge her, and I can finally get my eyes on her.
It doesn’t happen all at once, but over the next couple of hours, her mom’s words chip away at my false confidence. She’s right. I can’t keep Ash safe. My dad tried to warn me about what would happen, but I didn’t listen.
Everyone else saw it. They tried to tell me I was going to hurt her, and I was too selfish and in love to believe it, but they were right. I did this. I might as well have been the one to pull the trigger, and if I don’t end things, that’s exactly what I’ll be doing.
Sealing her fate.
I stand and leave the hospital.
After driving around for hours, trying to make sense of what just happened with Ash at Aker’s memorial, I finally head to the garage.
Since I can’t go back for her, maybe I can drink her out of my system.
My dad stops me as I storm through the parking lot. “Gabe—”
“Don’t!”
“Gabe, listen to me.”
I whip toward him. “No! Fuck off! You’re the whole reason any of this happened. You and your goddamn club!”
“Gabriel!” he shouts. “I’m trying to be understanding because you lost a friend, but watch your mouth.”
Stopping, I lift my face to the sky, running my tongue over my teeth.
“I lost more than a friend.”
I lost the love of my life because I dumped her while she laid in a hospital bed.
Because of me.
I typed out that text and deleted it a dozen times before finally hitting send.
I knew if I saw her, I’d cave. If she’d looked at me with those gray eyes full of tears, I’d have taken her right back.
Which is exactly what I wanted to do at the memorial.
I saw her the moment I set foot in the church and my heart squeezed, ripping and tearing inside my chest, but I walked straight ahead.
I grieved the boy who could have been a brother if not by blood.
Then, there was no more oxygen left in the room.
I had to get the fuck out of there because being that close and knowing I’d have to walk away was eating me alive.
He sighs. “Son, I’m sorry.”
“Save it.” I start toward the club. “I don’t want to hear it.”
He stops me with a hand on my shoulder. “Too bad. I am sorry. I hate what happened, but if you’re gonna be in this club, ending things was for the best. You saved her from a lifetime of hurt.”
“Great! And what if I don’t want to be in this club anymore?”
He rears back, his brows pinching. “You don’t mean that.”
“Oh, I very much do.” I stomp away from him before I can say something I regret.
“Where have you been?” JT asks as I march through the door.
I grunt, walking past him until I get to the bar. Grabbing a fifth of whiskey, I find a corner to sulk in.
The last image I’ll have of Ash is her in my rearview mirror, tears soaking her cheeks as I tore her heart out and stomped on it at the memorial.
At least, I hope that’s the last I ever see of her, because I’m not sure I could turn her away a second time. As the amber liquid burns my throat, I decide I’ll never bring another into this mess again, and I won’t ever allow myself to become attached to someone that I can’t keep.
It hurts too fucking much.