Chapter 39 - Gabe
GABE
AUGUST PRESENT DAY
I’m on my way to officially meet my daughter.
The majority of the last two weeks have involved me reliving the poor choices I made six years ago, beating myself up over them, and wallowing.
But JT’s right. I can’t change any of it.
If I don’t get my shit together, I might miss out on more.
That might actually kill me. Now that I know, she’s all I think about.
I pull up outside Jess’s house and hop off my bike. Casey’s standing at the bottom of the stairs in a gray suit talking to Ash and smiling.
When she notices me, she pops up off the step she was sitting on. She’s in a T-shirt and denim shorts. It’s funny, she doesn’t look all that different from the girl that opened the front door that first summer I met her.
“Hey, you’re early. Casey was just dropping Maggie off.”
I nod at Casey and hold out a hand, trying not to grind my teeth. Obviously, part of me is grateful he was here for them, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous.
“Hey, man,” he says, his jaw ticking as he takes my hand.
I’m not the one who got to raise your kid. Chill the fuck out.
He wraps an arm around Ash. “I’ll call you later.”
Placing a hand in his suit pocket, he trots across the yard to his fancy-ass car.
Yeah, I still don’t fucking like him.
“He seems like a douche,” I joke, watching him leave.
Ash laughs, swatting my arm. “Be nice. He’s trying.”
“Trying what? To get back in your pants? I can see that.”
She cocks her head and smirks. “No. He’s trying to do the right thing.”
My brows shoot up.
He thinks she’ll eventually give in and take him back. But I could tell by the way she looked at him, that will never happen. She didn’t look at him the way she’s looking at me right now.
The way she always looks at me.
“Anyway, you ready?” she asks.
I hold up a pink gift bag. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
I figured a gift wouldn’t hurt in this situation. She deserves more than a stupid doll, but that’s the best I could do with twenty-four hours’ notice.
“Maggie, we have company!” she shouts into the house.
Footsteps thunder down the stairs into the living room before a head of blonde curls appears and leaps into her mom’s arms.
Ash laughs, picking her up before turning to me. “Maggie, this is Gabriel.”
Ash has slipped up and called me that a few times, and every time she does it, my heart lurches in my chest. It’s probably just a habit, but I sort of hope she’s doing it on purpose.
Maggie has on a different princess dress, and her hair might be wilder than it was the first time.
Rubbing my sweaty hands on my jeans, I try to muster a warm smile. I don’t want to screw this up.
She narrows her eyes at me. “You were here before. You ‘bout barfed on the porch.”
I snort a laugh. “Yeah. That was me.” Holding up the gift bag, I add, “I brought you something.”
“What is it?” she squeals.
Ash puts her down and her eyes go wide. “Open it and find out.”
Maggie takes the bag before racing to sit on the couch and ripping the paper out.
“I love Barbies!” she shrieks, pulling the doll from the bag. “Mommy, look! I don’t have this one!”
“Wow, that’s awesome.” Ash sits next to her. “What do you say?”
“Thank you,” she says, eyeing me as I sit on the other side of the couch.
“So, you’re in kindergarten this year?”
She nods. “I’m five and when you’re five you get to go to the big school!”
Ash grins, kissing the top of her head. “We used to drive past the school on the way to daycare every morning. She was very excited to start going.”
“Also, when I turned five, I learned my ABC’s. Know what happens then?” She wiggles her brows at me.
I look to Ash for the answer, but she’s smiling down at her daughter.
Our daughter.
“What happens when you know your ABC’s?” I laugh.
“You get to play piano!”
“That’s right. No piano lessons until you know your ABC’s, huh?” Ash brushes Maggie’s hair back from her face before lifting her gaze to me. “I teach lessons on the side sometimes, and Maggie here was dying for me to teach her. But that’s my rule, isn’t it?”
Maggie nods. “Another rule, no sticky fingers on the keys.”
I quirk a brow. “Oh yeah? How’d you learn that one?”
She rolls her eyes and deep breathes. “On Halloween, I gummed up the keys with sticky fingers. Mommy was big mad!” The way her voice lowers and her brows lift when she says big mad cracks me up.
“The sugar monster has a knack for making mommy big mad doesn’t she?” I’m about to ask what that is when Ash continues, “Maggie turns into the sugar monster when she’s all hopped up on candy.”
Maggie flops back on the couch in a fit of giggles. “It’s just too good!”
Ash tickles her before brushing her nose against Maggie’s.
Maggie brings her knees up, hooks her arms under her knees, and wiggles until she’s practically lying down. She looks like a roly-poly bug. “Mommy had to go real far away to clean a messy house before.”
“Yeah. I saw her. I live there too.”
“You live in the messy house?”
Ash laughs. “I wasn’t cleaning it; I was cleaning it out. And Gabriel just lives in a house close to it.”
“Do you live in Florida? Disney World is in Florida. One time we went to Disney World, and it was so far away we had to go on an airplane.” Every word comes out faster than the last.
“Uh, no. I live here in North Carolina. No airplane needed.”
“Have you been on an airplane? I’m not allowed to have gum, but the plane makes your ears pop like Rice Krispies, so Mommy let me have bubble gum that time.”
For an hour she rambles about places she’s been, movies she’s seen, and she even told me about a girl at school named Lydia. I’m still not entirely sure if they’re friends or mortal enemies.
She’s perfect.
I can’t bring myself to get up and leave. I’ve always been skeptical when people say they loved their kids from the moment they knew they were pregnant, but I get it now. I don’t even know her, but God, I love her.
“Gabriel has a pretty far drive, baby. He’ll have to get going soon,” Ash says in the gentlest voice I’ve ever heard.
Damn. I’ve always thought she was beautiful, but watching Ash mother our child is something else, entirely.
It’s everything.
“Will you come back?” Maggie asks, bouncing where she sits on the couch.
“Uh, yeah. If your mom says it’s okay.” I glance up at Ash. If I have to, I’ll get down on the floor and beg her to let me.
Luckily, that’s not needed because she smiles and says, “Yeah, he can come again.”
My racing heart leaps.
“Go play, I’m gonna walk Gabriel out. I’ll be right back.”
Maggie nods, running back the way she came, and I stand before following Ash out onto the porch.
She shuts the door behind us. “Thanks for coming.”
“Thanks for letting me.” I offer her a smile, or maybe I’ve been smiling the entire time, I’m not sure.
As I hit the bottom step, I rest a hand on the railing and say, “Ash, I don’t want to make demands when you’ve been doing this without me all this time, but I would really like to be a part of her life.”
I’ve been trying to decide how exactly to ask her. I get that the club is a scary place. The last thing I want is to put Maggie in a dangerous situation. But I don’t care what it takes, I want to know my kid.
She swallows, crossing her arms over her chest before nodding. “We’ll work something out.”
On the way to the truck, my phone rings.
“Hello?”
“Hey, we found Adam,” JT says.
“Where?”
“Florida.”
“Good. Make sure the fucker stays there.”