Chapter 42 Ash
ASH
OCTOBER PRESENT DAY
Ihave no right to be jealous. He’s not mine. Hasn’t been in a long time, but the sight of that damn redhead with her hands on him makes me want to scream. She has her arm slung around his shoulders at the bar. It’s fucking annoying. Like, God, it’s been six years. Let it go.
You have a lot of room to talk, Ashton.
She’s literally never done anything to me, but I can’t help it; I hate her.
And the worst part is, there will probably be other Lily’s, and I’m going to have to watch them because we have a child together.
Now that he’s present in Maggie’s life, I can no longer pretend he doesn’t exist. I have to see him.
I have to watch as he pulls up in front of my house on that goddamn bike and takes off his helmet, shaking out his hair.
I have to watch as he smiles at our daughter like she’s the stars and the moon and the whole galaxy.
And I may have to watch as he builds a life with someone else one day.
I tip my drink and take a hefty sip.
“Easy, killer. I didn’t wear the right shoes to carry you out of here,” Jess says from the chair beside me.
I roll my eyes.
Her nose scrunches. “You know, green is not your color. Let’s go dance.”
She grabs my hand, dragging me behind her.
As we step into the crowd, I decide I’m not going to look over at him again. He’s not my business, and I shouldn’t give a shit about that redhead. She can have him.
A few songs in, a hand brushes my hip.
“Holy shit, are you trying to get someone killed tonight?” JT leans down to say in my ear.
“What?”
“Gabe’s gonna lose his goddamn mind from all the men staring at you in that dress.”
I chuckle, swatting him. “Shut up!”
His eyes meet Jess’s before he runs them down her body in the most obvious display. Nik said him and Katie split up a few weeks ago again, so maybe he’s actually moving on for real this time.
“Careful. She’ll eat you alive,” I laugh.
Jess is vicious. I don’t think any man has ever lasted more than a month with her.
“I must have a type.” He laughs, winking at her, but I’m still keeping tabs on what’s going on at the bar out of the corner of my eye. “Still not a fan of Lily?”
I glance at him over my shoulder to find him grinning and know I’ve been caught staring at them.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I flip my hair over my shoulder, smacking him in the face with it.
“Uh-huh, you were glaring for like ten minutes.” He laughs. “I think everyone knows how you feel.”
“I’m fine.”
He chuckles, his chest rumbling against my back. “You’re both so full of shit. If you think for one minute, he’d give Lily a second thought with you in the room, you’re crazy. You’ll always be his first choice even if you don’t want him.”
My breath catches in my throat. Wanting him is not the problem.
JT takes a step back from me, pulling his eyes away at the last moment to take in my sister. He licks his lips, gliding toward her and wrapping his arms around her waist.
She glares like she’s not interested, but then she proceeds to spin around and grind into him.
And that’s my cue.
My heels click against the floor as I walk off the dance floor, scanning the crowd. The place where Gabriel was sitting at the bar is now empty. I hate that I even notice, but I can’t help wondering if he went somewhere with her. A pang hits my stomach as Nik skips up behind me, grabbing my arm.
“Do you feel those holes Gabe’s been glaring into the back of your head all night?” she asks, pulling me with her to the bar.
“What?” Was he? “No, I didn’t even notice.”
She laughs. “I don’t know how. He looked like he might spontaneously combust. Shane went over and tried to talk to him, but his eyes never left you.”
“Maybe he’s just drunk.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t think so.”
I order a drink before turning to face her, holding it in front of me with both hands. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Do you think I’ll ever stop loving him?”
Her smile turns sad, and she sighs. “I don’t know.” Running a hand down my arm, she adds, “Are you sure you want to? I’m not saying you should forgive him, but if it’s torture, is it really worth holding a grudge?”
I drop my eyes to my drink, blinking to keep my makeup from running. “I’m afraid.” When I return my gaze to her, I say, “I don’t wanna get hurt again. Not to mention, this club’s…” I shake my head and rub a hand over my brow.
“I get that, but it seems like he’s really trying.”
I nod before taking my drink and making a beeline for the bathroom.
How can one person have such shitty luck?
For years, he’s all I’ve wanted, and now that there’s a small chance I could have him, I can’t allow myself to do it.
Love isn’t enough to negate everything else.
It can’t take away the hurt that we’ve caused each other.
It couldn’t keep us from imploding six years ago. How can I expect it to now?
The bathroom door swings open before it’s fully closed behind me.
“Let’s hear it,” Lily says, looking at me in the mirror.
I spin to face her. “What?”
She laughs. “You’ve been glaring daggers at me all night. Go ahead. Say what you need to say, so we can move on.”
I open my mouth but before anything comes out she continues, “You don’t like me because I slept with Gabe, right? It’s a jealousy thing?”
Again, she cuts me off before I can respond. “Look, you have nothing to be jealous of, I’ll gladly hand him over to you. He’s kind of a pain in my ass if I’m being honest.”
My brows pinch.
She takes the few steps to the vanity and slides her butt onto it.
“Plus, he’s been in love with you from the moment you two met practically.
Hell, he quit sleeping with me that summer Max drugged you.
Said he just wasn’t into it anymore. Man never has been able to separate his heart from his cock.
Anyway, you’re the one. Have been from the very beginning. I’m not getting in the way of that.”
“Uh… okay.”
“Okay, great.” She nods, hopping off the vanity. “Glad we cleared that up. We good, now?”
I stare, dumbfounded. She lifts her brows like hello.
“Oh, uh… yeah.”
“Awesome.” She trots to the door. “Have a great night.”
After wiping my face, and collecting myself, I come out of the bathroom. No more Gabriel drama. I’m not going to let this shit get in the way of my good time. I’m going to dance with my friends and enjoy my kid-free night.
That’s when I see him sitting at a table and damn near stop breathing.
He looks so good. I mean he always does, but he’s in black dress pants and a navy dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up.
His hair’s pulled back from his face at the nape of his neck, and he’s leaned back in his chair, staring right at me.
I strut over, plopping down in the seat next to him.
“Stare much?” I tease.
He runs his tongue over his teeth and smirks. My heart dips and a chill shoots down my spine.
That fucking smirk.
“Me?” He glances around. “I was just trying to figure out which body part I’m gonna have to relieve JT of later.” He kicks a leg up, resting his ankle on the opposite knee.
“Give it a break. I’m pretty sure it’s not me he’s after.” I laugh, gesturing to him grinding on my sister.
“That might be true. But I’ve warned him about putting his hands on you, and I just watched him run them all the way down your body.”
He quirks a brow, and my mouth goes completely dry.
We’ve been getting along really well lately, but he’s not been flirty like this. I actually was starting to think he must be over me.
But tonight, the old Gabriel is back.
He’s smug, and flirtatious, and so fucking sexy.
I narrow my eyes before pretending to scan the room. “I ran into your friend in the bathroom.”
His brows pinch. “Who?”
Faking disinterest, I lift my chin. “The sexy redhead.”
Scoffing, he says, “You’re impossible, you know that?” He pauses, narrowing his eyes. “Lily has never been your competition.”
I blink before meeting his stare. Flames rage in his eyes, and my flesh breaks out in goosebumps.
“I don’t think I’m in that competition anymore,” I say under my breath.
He scrunches his nose, shaking his head. “I guess not. You won a long time ago, didn’t you?”
“Gabriel—”
He sucks his teeth. “Don’t act like you don’t fucking know, Ash. I’m not asking you to forgive me or for anything to change but cut the bullshit for tonight. Don’t pretend that you don’t know I’m so in love with you I don’t see anyone else in this room.”
My lips part and my breaths quicken. I can’t get words to leave my mouth.
He presses his lips into a tight grin before running his eyes over every inch of my body. It feels like being struck by lightning, and for a moment, I hope he’ll never take them off me.
“You look incredible in that dress.” He quirks a brow, lifting the vibration around us back to the easy flirtation from before.
“You don’t look so bad yourself.” Smiling, I tuck a hair behind my ear.
When I reach for my drink, bringing it to my mouth, he pulls it from my hand and slides it across the table. The clear plastic cup falls, splashing pink liquid onto the floor.
“Hey!” I object.
He slams his foot down, leaning forward so his breath splays on the shell of my ear as he whispers, “I have every intention of taking you home later, and you can’t consent to that if you’re drunk.”
Every hair on my body stands up.
I cock my head to the side. “And what exactly makes you think I’d consent anyway?”
He smirks again and leans back in his chair, grabbing his beer from the table.
“We can play this game if you want, but I know you.” He brings the bottle to his lips, taking a swig.
I’m not exaggerating when I say, I would give my right limb to be that bottle right now. I sit back in my chair, crossing my arms and legs.
“You’re so full of shit.”
“No, I’m not.” He tips his beer to someone who greets him from behind me.
Kicking his shin, I say, “Dance with me.”
He scoffs. “I don’t dance.”
“I know, but if you think you’re taking me upstairs tonight, you better get your ass up.” Not waiting for an answer, I stand and start toward the dance floor.
He darts out of his seat, wrapping an arm around my waist; his fingers splayed across my lower abdomen before putting his mouth to my ear. “I know for a fact I’m taking you upstairs with me later.”
Then, he brushes past me, grabbing my hand and practically dragging me across the room.
You might know, the second we hit the dance floor, it switches to a slow song. I laugh nervously before I notice Gabriel winking at the DJ.
“What was that?” I glance between them.
He shrugs, smirking. “What’s what?”
“You’re trouble.”
“Yeah. Probably.”
He grabs my hand and pulls me to him, wrapping his arm around my waist. His fingers press into the small of my back. My heart does a somersault, my mind not landing on a single thought.
It’s always like this with him. When his eyes are on me, everything else ceases to exist. It’s just him. No matter how bad I wish it weren’t true, there’s no way out of the web we’ve tangled ourselves in.
I want us to be friends, but that’s not possible, is it? I found the love of my life at fifteen years old, and now I’ll live the rest of it surviving off of nothing but memories.
Even if we have this dance, even if I go upstairs with him, there’s too much pain in the rearview for us to make this work.
“You look beautiful.”
I can’t stare directly at him; if I do, I’ll get swept away in his current. That’s what he does to me. He’ll undoubtedly pull me under if I let my guard down for one second. If my heart’s a compass, he’s north.
He’s always north.
I know I shouldn’t, but I want one more night with him. Just one more hit, because make no mistake, I’m addicted to Gabriel Abbott.