Chapter 10 - Sierra #3
"I don't want to miss any more years," Cade continues, his hands sliding down to grip mine.
"Don't want to miss her first day of third grade, or her games, or teaching her to drive someday.
Don't want to miss nights with you, mornings with you, the boring everyday moments that make up a life together. "
"You're the love of my life, Sierra," he adds, and the simple honesty of it breaks something open in my chest. "You always have been. I thought leaving would protect you from my damage, but all it did was hurt us both. I don't want to make that mistake again."
"Cade." His name comes out as a sob, and then I'm crying in earnest, eight years of loneliness and fear and hope all pouring out at once.
He pulls me into his arms, holding me tight against his chest while I fall apart. His hand strokes my hair, his lips press against my temple, and he just lets me cry. Doesn't tell me to stop, doesn't try to fix it, just holds me while I purge all the emotions I've been carrying.
When the tears finally slow, I pull back enough to look at him. His own eyes are suspiciously bright, and I reach up to brush my thumb across his cheekbone, mirroring his earlier gesture.
"Are you absolutely sure?" I ask one more time. "Because once you move, once you're back in that town, it's going to be hard. Really hard. And I need to know you're not going to—" I can't finish the sentence, but he understands.
"I'm not going to run again," he promises. "I can't promise it'll be easy, or that I won't have bad days. I probably will. The nightmares might come back, the panic attacks, all of it. But I won't run from it this time. And I won't run from you or Ruby."
"We'll get you help," I say immediately. "Therapy, support groups, whatever you need. You won't have to face it alone."
"I know." He kisses me. "And that's what makes me think I can actually do this. That this time I want to be better as much as you want to help me."
We sit in silence for a moment, just holding each other, processing the enormity of what we're agreeing to. Then Cade pulls back, his expression turning more serious.
"But I need to talk to my crew first," he says. "Dallas and the guys, they've been my family for eight years. They deserve to hear this from me, to understand why I'm leaving. And I need—" He swallows hard. "I need their blessing, I guess. Or at least their understanding."
"Of course," I agree immediately. "When will you tell them?"
"Tomorrow, maybe. After I spend more time with Ruby, after we figure out some of the logistics." He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm not going to just disappear on them the way I disappeared from my old crew. I'll give proper notice, help train my replacement, do it right this time."
"That could take weeks. Months, maybe." The reality of it settles over me. We won't be going home together on Monday. Ruby and I will go back to our lives, and Cade will stay here to tie up loose ends.
"Yeah." Cade's grip on my hand tightens. "But I'll visit every weekend. Every single weekend until I can move permanently. And we'll video chat every night. I'm not going to be an absent father, Sierra. Not even during the transition."
"Every weekend is a six-hour round trip," I point out gently.
"I don't care." His voice is firm. "I've already missed seven years. I'm not missing another day that I don't have to."
The determination in his voice, the absolute certainty, it makes me believe him. Makes me believe that this time, things really will be different.
"Things will be different from now on," Cade says, echoing my thoughts. His fingers brush against my cheek again, catching the last of my tears. "I promise you, Sierra. I'm going to show up. I'm going to do the work. I'm going to be the man you and Ruby deserve."
"You already are," I whisper. "You already are, Cade. You just needed to believe it. And we should probably get dressed," I say reluctantly, glancing at the clock. "Dallas is going to bring Ruby back soon, and I don't think we want her to find us like this."
"Probably not the best first impression of my bedroom," Cade agrees with a slight laugh, standing and offering me his hand.
We gather our clothes from around the apartment. My jeans from the kitchen, his shirt from the hallway, my sweater draped over the back of the couch.
By the time we're both dressed and the bed is made, my phone buzzes with a text from Dallas.
**Dallas: Heading back in 10. Ruby had a blast. Hope everything is alright**
I show Cade the message, and he smiles, typing out a response on his own phone.
**Cade: Yeah. We figured things out. Thanks, Cap. I owe you.**
**Dallas: You don't owe me anything. Just be happy. That's all any of us want for you.**
Cade stares at that message for a long moment, and I see emotion flicker across his face. Then he pockets his phone and pulls me close one more time.
"Ready to be a family?" he asks softly.
"More than ready," I answer. "I've been ready for eight years."
"Then let's do this." He presses a kiss to my forehead. "Let's build the life we should have had all along."
And standing there in his sparse apartment, the afternoon sun streaming through the windows and the sound of footsteps on the stairs signaling Ruby's return, I let myself believe it.
We're really going to do this.
We're going to be a family.
Finally.