Chapter 9 #2
Decision made, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. That night I slept lightly, but the next morning I woke up early and packed up my stuff. I wasn’t even going to give Mark a chance to talk me out of it, so I wrote a note that I propped up against the dressing table.
It was the coward’s way out but I was ready to face up to my mistakes. One step at a time.
The sun was only starting to rise when I carried my luggage to the front door. I made sure to keep my footsteps light so I wouldn’t wake Mark. He had returned quite late so I was still convinced he would be sleeping. This would be my chance.
“Going somewhere?” The voice took me by surprise, and I turned, startled.
My heart raced as I spotted Mark sitting on the sofa with his feet propped up on the table.
“I…” I swallowed.
I hadn’t intended on speaking to him but I was left with little choice now.
He stood slowly. His hair was messed up like he had just woken up, but I noticed he still wore the same clothes from the day before. I felt a pang of something that I squashed before I could decipher it.
“I…” The words stuck in my throat.
“I… what?” he prompted, moving closer. His eyes slid from th e luggage in my one hand to the bag I had hitched over my shoulder.
I held my purse hand tighter, determined to go through with my initial decision to leave. I didn’t need his permission to do anything. I could do what I liked when I wanted. You can do this , I told myself, trying to work up the courage to do what I had to.
“You’re leaving?” he said, with narrowed eyes.
I nodded. “Yes…I’m leaving.”
“Where are you going, Tracy?” he asked slowly.
I bit my lip. “Home.”
His forehead creased and I waited for the lecture.
“I agreed not to say anything to Matt on the condition you stayed here.”
I nodded again.
“If you leave, I tell him everything .” There was no mistaking the seriousness in his eyes.
“I know that.”
There wasn’t much more to say about it.
There were a couple of feet between us but it felt a lot farther away.
“Why?” he murmured, still studying me intently. “If you needed something, all you had to do was ask.”
He had no idea what a struggle it was being around him and feeling the way I did. It was torture. I needed space to breathe and sort out where I went from here.
“There is nothing I need here.” I swallowed.
He fell silent. I wondered if he’d read deeper into my words referring to the conversation we’d had in the kitchen a week ago.
“Do what you want and I’ll do what I have to.” He left with that parting shot.
I watched him leave, feeling a horrible ache spread through my chest. I hadn’t meant for it to happen this way but what was done was done. I ignored unwanted guilt and left, closing the door quietly behind me.
All the way back to my apartment in the taxi, I waited for the moment I would feel some sort of triumph that I had left him on my own terms, but all I felt was the dull ache in my chest.
I kept going over the last conversation with Mark, trying to decipher why he hadn’t acted the way I had expected. Honestly, I had expected him to refuse to allow me to leave, but he had let me go. I suspected there was something more going on with him but I had no idea what.
I expected to feel like I was home when I got back to my place, but I felt restless. I spent the rest of the day doing my washing and catching up on chores. I hated cleaning but it had to be done.
I was running late when I pulled up in front of my parents’ house for lunch the next day. When I parked, I noticed I was the last one to arrive. Even Mark’s car was already there. It meant he had probably told my brother everything.
I rode out the panic to hightail it out of there before I took the determined steps to the front door. It was unlocked as usual, even though I had a set of keys somewhere, although I couldn’t remember exactly where.
The sound of Matthew and Sophie arguing met me when I entered the crowded kitchen.
“Mom, tell Matty to give it back,” Sophie whined, trying to get something out of his hand.
The room was noisy and filled with bodies. Something smelled so good. I wished I could cook like my mother.
“Matthew Weiss, give it back to your sister,” my mother said sternly. It didn’t matter how old he was, my mother was still very much in charge of our family .
“Coward,” Matthew muttered under his breath when he reluctantly gave her phone back.
“What’d I miss?” I announced in the doorway.
I half expected him to go all protective brother, but he didn’t. He engulfed me in a bear hug that lifted me momentarily off my feet.
“You’re late as usual,” he murmured when he set me back down. Sarah came up to kiss me on the cheek.
Next in line, Sophie hugged me. “Missed you.”
“Me too”.
My eyes found Mark standing to the one side, watching. Was he waiting for my brother to start lecturing me? I exhaled the breath I’d been holding. My mom was busy chopping carrots so I made my way to her and kissed her on her cheek.
“Hi, sweetie,” she exclaimed, her eyes brightening up. She always had a way of making me feel so wanted.
“Hi, Mom,” I greeted. “Anything I can help with?”
“No. I’m almost done.”
The only person missing from the kitchen was my father.
I couldn’t ignore Mark any longer without raising some questions so I inclined my head in his direction. “Mark.”
“Tracy,” he greeted back.
There was tension between us and I hoped no one picked up on it.
“Where’s Dad?” I asked, needing space.
“Watching TV,” Sophie answered.
Which meant he was probably watching some sport. I had no interest in sports so I was clueless the few times I had attempted to watch with him.
“I’ll be back,” I murmured, making a beeline for the living room so I could gather my wits before I had to deal with Mark.