Chapter 18 #2
He had been organized, unlike me. I had yet to hear of any character trait we might share.I spent a lot of time at Maggie’s listening to stories about my father, trying to get to know him through the eyes of the people closest to him.
I was due to have dinner with her tonight. Usually Cole and Sebastian worked late during the week, so I rarely saw them outside of weekends, but I knew if I needed either of them all I had to do was call and they would be there.
At some stage I wanted Matthew and Sophie to meet them but I wanted to give everyone time to adjust to the idea first. I think, out of everyone, Matthew was struggling the most. Other than confronting my parents about it, he hadn’t spoken to them.
Sophie had made peace with it. I felt bad Matthew had shut out my parents but how could I expect him to forgive them if I couldn’t do that myself?
As usual, I was running late. I hurried to my apartment, just needing to drop off some of my equipment before I dashed off to Maggie’s, but I stopped.
There was Mark waiting outside my apartment. He was watching me, and I made myself walk to the door like he wasn’t there.
“Tracy,” he said, but I ignored him and searched through my purse for my keys. I needed to find a better way of organizing my purse so I could find my keys quicker.
“I’m surprised you didn’t break in,” I muttered, irritated with myself and him. If I could just find those stupid keys…
“I’m respecting your boundaries.”
That winded me and I made the mistake of lifting my eyes to his. The effect was instant and my stomach did that weird thing that only he made me feel.
“Really?” I asked.
He nodded.
“What changed?” I studied him. “You didn’t care before, why now?”
For goodness sake, he had kept tabs on my bank accounts. Who did that ?
“I realized I may have gone a step too far.” He swallowed, and I felt sympathy for him.
“Can we talk inside?” he asked.
I shook my head. “We have nothing to say to each other.”
“I know you don’t want to speak to me but all I need you to do is listen.” The old Tracy would have crumbled and let him in but I was still upset about what he had believed I had been doing. Who thought like that?
“Like you let me explain?”
He rubbed his hands over his face and I noticed he looked tired.
“I didn’t handle that well at all. You were behaving so out of character and you wouldn’t tell anyone what was going on.
I found you in a hotel room with a complete stranger and next you had large amounts of money coming into your account. What was I supposed to think?”
“How could you think I could do something like that?” I felt compelled to ask.
“There is no excuse for what I accused you of.” He looked so apologetic it did something strange in my chest.
“Did Matthew tell you the truth?” I asked, still trying to gauge how much he knew.
He nodded. “He told me everything.” He raked his hand through his hair.
“I still can’t believe it. Your parents have the most solid marriage I’ve ever seen.
I had no idea and I felt like a tyrant for even implying what I did.
You were going through the most difficult thing and I didn’t make it any easier.
I can’t imagine how hard it has been for you. ”
“Look, I don’t have time for this so say what you have to and go.”
“I’m sorry.”
How could someone believe that saying just two words would undo what he had said?
“I appreciate the apology but it’s not enough,” I said with a sigh. I checked my watch. “And I have somewhere I have to be. ”
He crowded me with my back against the wall and I put my hands against his chest.
“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” He leaned closer and I fought for control. He was so close my eyes drifted to his lips and I wanted him to kiss me. I was so weak when it came to him. Who allowed a guy to treat them the way he had and still want them so badly it hurt?
“This is not a good idea,” I mumbled, struggling with the urge to pull him closer and not push him away.
“You see, that’s where you’re wrong.”
He dipped his head and captured my lips with his and I was suspended in the need for nothing else except this kiss with him.
He swept his tongue against the seam of my mouth and I sighed, allowing him to thrust his tongue between my lips.
My hands gripped his shirt and he pressed me up against the wall, shoving his leg between mine, making his intent known.
I couldn’t think. I could only feel. God, I wanted him and I hated myself for it. But then I remembered. He didn’t trust me. He had assumed the worst of me. He hadn’t given me the benefit of the doubt.I broke the kiss and shoved him.
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and I continued to lean against the wall, still trying to catch my breath.
“You need to leave,” I whispered, smoothing my hair.
“You can deny it all you want but this thing between us is not going to go away,” he said with so much confidence it annoyed me.
“Attraction and chemistry are only the half of it,” I shot back, making a concerted effort to pull my eyes from his and search for my house keys. “Without trust, we have nothing.”
My hands closed around my keys and I felt relieved. I opened my apartment door and Mark was still standing there with a contemplative look and his hands shoved into his jeans .
“I think it’s best that we pretend nothing happened between us.” I shrugged. “Let’s just go back to the way things were.”
It was impossible not to look at him and be reminded of how close we had been. He would always be a part of my life. As my brother’s best friend and a close family friend, we had to figure out a way to be around each other and not allow our attraction to get the better of us.
“You’re still mad, I get that,” he said. “But this,”—he motioned between us—“this thing between us isn’t something we can ignore. I don’t want to ignore it, Tracy.”
“I have to go.” I took the easy way out and I closed the door. Feeling unsettled, I leaned against it.
“You can’t hide forever,” he said through the door. I closed my eyes, feeling myself wrestle with my feelings for him and the hurt he had caused.