Chapter 6 #2
He’d wanted to make her scream his name, all right, for entirely different reasons.
One day, he would. One day, he would make her bleed.
The last words on her lips would be his name, right before he tore out her throat.
He had vowed it, night after night. That anger, that promise of revenge, had been the only way he’d survived.
But it had eaten away at him, he could see that now.
Above and beyond his bond with the creature of Darkness that Elena had become, his need for revenge had become a sickness.
It had gnawed its way into his frayed soul and let more shadows in.
The irony of it—that he, a Shadow, destined to cleave to his Dimi and fight forever at her side—should be felled by his very namesake was thick enough to choke on.
Or it would be, if he wasn’t already choking on shame and regret.
Katerina brushed his hair back from his face, her touch feather-light.
He couldn’t help himself; he leaned into it, each caress of her fingertips sending lightning forking through his veins.
He wanted impossible, contradictory things: for her to hold and comfort him; to cradle her like a child and promise to keep her safe; to rage at her for saving him and endangering herself; to thank her; to kneel at her feet and worship her body like a Saint’s shrine; to strip her bare and take her, fast and hard and vicious, reminding them both that they had survived.
He looked away and answered her question, instead. “That one day, you’ll look at me and see only Darkness. That it will eat away at the man you love—and that in turn, it will destroy you.”
“That will never happen.” She leaned her forehead against his, so that they breathed the same air, thick with the scents of the forest, the fading reek of demon blood, and the current that ran between the two of them, fast moving and dangerous as any tide.
“I look at you and I see goodness, Niko. I see strength. I see you. And I choose you. Always.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” He pulled back, though it pained him to do it.
“I called the Darkness to me tonight, for Saints’ sake.
And it came, as if it belonged there. It’s as Baba always said: like calls to like.
I’m corrupted, Katya. Baba sees it, and you should, too. You should leave me—”
Rage flashed in her eyes, and he felt her magic flare, heating his Mark.
The bond between them was tighter than it should have been, somehow, their connection more intense.
Was this the fault of the Darkness? He had no time to reflect on what it meant, though, because Katerina had grabbed him by his shoulders and was shaking him, as if to shake sense into him by force.
“Don’t you ever say that again! You wish to rage at me, fine.
Yell at me for risking myself to save you, tell me all the ways I am careless, impulsive, arrogant, a fool.
I care not. But I will never leave you, do you hear me?
I strode into the depths of Hell to save you, armed with nothing more than my own will, and I would do it again.
I would do it a thousand times if it meant I could free you from that bitch’s clutches and have you by my side.
I will take you in any form, in any way, and I will heal you, because we are meant for each other. ”
Her eyes narrowed. “Or do you no longer believe that? Did she carve your faith in me from your soul, when she stopped your heart?”
He surged to his feet, agitation tightening his muscles.
Above them, owls roosting in the treetops took flight; his heightened Shadow vision made out their wings, stretched wide against the darkened sky.
A shudder passed through him; the birds were psychopomps, bridges between the living and the dead.
They were messengers of Veles, the trickster God of the Underworld who had come before even the Grigori or the Saints.
That was what the legends said, anyway. But as far as Niko was concerned, if such a god existed, he was worthless. Where had Veles been when Elena and Sammael were torturing him? Had his misery been no more than a joke, a diversion to pass the time?
Katerina stood, too, her hair sparking bright under the pitiless light of the false Bone Moon. “Answer me, Niko.” Her voice was steady, implacable. If he didn’t know her so well, he might miss the hurt that thrummed beneath its surface, the shine in her dark eyes.
“No,” he said at last, and forced himself to take her hands in his.
The warmth of her skin was both pain and promise, his body aching for hers…
as if the binding that had summoned him aboveground would remain incomplete until they joined themselves in every way.
But that was absurd, wasn’t it? She was his Dimi and his lover, if she willed it so, not a repository for his basest desires.
Because what if it was the Darkness in him that craved her so? Still—
“Nothing could strip me of my faith in you,” he said, conviction echoing in every word.
“Not a thousand demons, or a knife through the heart, or the Saints themselves. I am the one to blame here, Katya, don’t you understand?
I am the unnatural one.” His voice broke, and he gripped her hands tighter, so tight he feared he might hurt her, but she gave no sign.
“I am an alpha without a pack,” he said, and the night fell silent around them, even the insects ceasing their calls, as if in recognition of his loss.
“I am a Shadow without a home, banished like my father before me. You heard Baba; I am a nezhit, walking the road between worlds, of two souls and two hearts. I am Darkness and I am Light. I am cursed.”
A chill settled over him, penetrating his very bones, and as if in response, fire flared at Katerina’s fingertips. “No,” she said as the flames wove between their joined fingers like crimson and gold ribbons, binding them together. “You are mine.”
“I can bring you nothing but grief!”
The wind gusted, as if in punctuation. It bore the scent of the dying flames from the village, even at this distance, and Katerina inclined her head.
“When you came to me by the ruined chapel,” she said, “you told me that the prophecy was about the two of us. The Dark will fall. The Shadow will rise. ‘I’ve risen. I’ll fight with you,’ you said. ”
“And I have!” Frustration roughened his voice. “We saved Kalach. The two of us, fighting side by side.”
“And you think that was the fulfillment of the prophecy, then?” She drew him closer, and he came, helpless to resist her. “That was just a single battle. We are fighting a war. And I need you, Niko. All of you, not whatever you deem suitable to share with me. I love you.”
The first time she had said that to him, it had nearly shattered him into a thousand pieces. He remembered well what she had said next: I don’t know how to let you go. The two of them had never dreamed how that admission would be tested. And yet here they stood.
“I love you too,” he said, willing her to believe it. “Whatever I am now, with every piece of my broken heart and corrupted soul, I am yours. I will always belong to you.”
A smile broke across Katerina’s face, bright as the Light that encased their hands. “Then we’ll face whatever comes,” she vowed. “Together.”
He opened his mouth to object, and she stopped it with a kiss.
Everything fell away the moment their lips touched: his fear and exhaustion, his doubts, his rage.
There was only Katya, and the fire that spread outward from their hands, twining around their bodies, making of them a single, living flame.
He burned against her, his hands going to her hips, lifting her so that her legs wrapped around him.
A growl rose in his throat, and she moaned in response, nipping at him.
“Yes,” she whispered against his lips. “Niko, please…”
He knelt with her in his arms, laying her down in the fallen leaves of the rowan.
The flames fell away, and his fingers shook as he unbuttoned her tunic, her breasts shining bare and silvered in the unforgiving moonlight.
Her nipples furled into tight peaks, and he bent his head to them, taking first one and then the other in his mouth.
Katerina gasped in pleasure, the sound that had haunted his dreams every night since the first time he’d heard it, and dug her fingernails into his shoulders.
“Niko,” she said again, and this time it sounded like a prayer.
He shuddered against her, desperate, his cock hardening to the point of pain.
He thought he’d known desire before, but this was different—a craving that crawled beneath his skin, a hunger that only she could satisfy.
If the Darkness drove it, then so be it; right now, he couldn’t bring himself to care.
All he wanted was her. And by some miracle, she wanted him, too.
Maybe she could heal him. If anyone could do it, it was her.
Katerina arched against him, and he dug his fingers into the waistband of her gear and yanked it down, burying his face between her legs.
Here, at last, was the heat he longed for, a fire that drove back the iciness that had taken up residence inside him.
Lifting her hips, he speared her with his tongue, and she rode him, crying out as he slid deeper, her muscles tensing beneath his hands.
She tasted like salt and want and rainfall, like Light and hope and home.
Yes. This, right here, was home. This was where he belonged. But it wasn’t enough—he needed—
He sat back on his knees, chest heaving, and Katerina rose, sitting up so she could pull off his clothes.
His cock sprang free, and she wrapped her hand around it, the contact sending a bolt of desire through him so intense, his head fell back.
He thrust up into her grip, unable to help himself, and she gave the husky chuckle he’d missed so much.