CHAPTER TWENTY #2
“Yes,” Bee said, wiping her nose and trying to breathe normally. “He thinks because he was driving, he was supposed to keep me safe. I kept telling him the other car crossed into our lane, but he just kept saying he should’ve done something.”
Maya listened quietly while Bee tried to steady her breathing and failed. Her chest tightened again because she did not know how to make any of it stop.
“He said he should’ve reacted faster,” Bee continued. “Then he said maybe he shouldn’t be with anybody right now.”
“He said that?” Maya asked, her eyebrows lifting.
“Then he said maybe we needed space,” Bee said, nodding.
“What did you say?” Maya asked, her face tightening.
“I said fine,” Bee replied.
“Bee,” Maya said.
“I was mad!” Bee said.
“I know,” Maya replied.
“Then he acted surprised,” Bee said.
“Men are fascinating,” Maya said, staring at her.
“That’s not funny,” Bee said, letting out a wet, broken laugh.
“It’s a little funny,” Maya replied.
“It’s not,” Bee said.
“It will be in six months,” Maya said.
Bee started crying again, and Maya immediately shook her head. She reached for another tissue and handed it to Bee.
“Too soon,” Maya said. “My bad.”
Bee wiped her face and tried to breathe normally even though her chest kept tightening. She crumpled the tissue in her hand before continuing.
“He said he lost everything,” Bee said.
“His truck, work, all of that?” Maya asked, her expression softening.
“Yeah,” Bee said, looking down. “Then I said he still had people who cared about him.”
“What did he say?” Maya asked.
“He said I didn’t understand,” Bee replied, her eyes filling again. “He told me I can still work because I can sit there with my phone and make videos.”
“Oh,” Maya said, wincing.
“Yeah,” Bee replied.
“That was bad,” Maya said.
“It was really bad,” Bee said, pulling her knees closer and resting her forehead against them. “I know he’s angry.”
“He probably is,” Maya said.
“I know he’s scared,” Bee continued.
“Any normal person would be,” Maya said.
“I know he feels useless,” Bee said, looking up at Maya with tears running down her face again. “Why do I have to be the place he puts all of it?”
Maya’s expression changed. She reached for Bee’s hand and waited until Bee looked at her. Her voice softened when she answered.
“You don’t,” Maya said. “You can understand why he’s acting like this and still be hurt by it.”
“I don’t want to be mad at him,” Bee said, her mouth trembling.
“You are,” Maya replied.
“I miss him,” Bee said.
“You can do that too,” Maya said.
“That’s not fair,” Bee said, closing her eyes.
“No,” Maya agreed.
“I want to be mad or sad. I don’t want both,” Bee said.
“That would be convenient,” Maya replied.
“You’re terrible at comfort,” Bee said, giving her a watery glare.
“I brought three kinds of chips,” Maya reminded her.
“That doesn’t make you qualified,” Bee said.
“It absolutely does,” Maya replied.
Bee looked down at the unopened candy beside her while her breathing finally started to settle. Tears still slipped down her cheeks every few seconds, but Maya waited until she was calmer before speaking again.
“What happened at the hospital?” Maya asked.
Bee froze, and Maya noticed immediately. She leaned forward while Bee shook her head and stared at the tissue crumpled in her hand.
“What?” Maya asked.
“Nothing,” Bee said.
“That was not a nothing face,” Maya replied.
“Maya,” Bee warned her.
“What happened?” Maya asked.
“I thought he was dead,” Bee said.
“I know,” Maya replied, her expression softening.
“No,” Bee said, looking at her. “I really thought he was dead.”
Maya went quiet while Bee tried to breathe normally and could not. The memory tightened her chest all over again.
“I woke up, and nobody would tell me where he was,” Bee said, her voice shaking. “They wouldn’t tell me anything because I wasn’t family.”
“Bee,” Maya said, squeezing her hand.
“I kept thinking somebody was going to come into my room and tell me he was gone,” Bee continued, her voice breaking. “Then his mom came.”
Bee pressed the tissue against her eyes while Maya waited quietly. She took several uneven breaths before she could continue.
“She told me he was alive,” Bee said.
“That must have been a relief,” Maya said, nodding slowly.
“It was,” Bee replied. “Until I saw him.”
Bee looked down as her face crumpled again. She could still picture Wes lying unconscious in the hospital bed.
“He looked so bad,” Bee whispered.
“I’m sorry,” Maya said softly.
“I sat there with him,” Bee said.
“I know,” Maya replied.
“No, you don’t,” Bee said.
Maya stayed quiet. Bee tried to breathe normally and failed again. She waited for Bee to continue without rushing her.
“I talked to him,” Bee said.
“While he was unconscious?” Maya asked, frowning slightly.
“Yes,” Bee said, nodding.
“What did you say?” Maya asked.
Bee immediately started crying harder. Maya’s eyes widened as she realized there was more Bee had not told her.
“That bad,” Maya said.
“I told him I love him,” Bee said, choking out the words.
“You told Wes you love him?” Maya asked, staring at her.
“Yes,” Bee said, nodding behind her hands.
“When he was unconscious?” Maya asked.
“I know!” Bee cried.
“Okay, okay,” Maya said as she handed her another tissue.
“I told him everything,” Bee said.
“What does everything mean?” Maya asked.
“Everything,” Bee replied. “I told him I thought I lost him. I told him I kept thinking there would be more time.”
Maya listened without interrupting while Bee wiped beneath her eyes. Bee tried to breathe normally again before continuing.
“I told him I was scared to get attached,” Bee said. “Then I told him I already was.”
“Oh, Bee,” Maya said, her face softening completely.
“I told him I love him,” Bee repeated.
Maya pulled her into another hug, and Bee immediately started sobbing against her shoulder again. Maya held her tightly and let her cry.
“I told him I love him. Then he woke up, and we fought,” Bee said.
“That's awful,” Maya replied.
“Then I went to his house because I thought we could fix it,” Bee said.
Maya rubbed her back slowly while Bee tried to breathe normally again. She waited as Bee struggled to get the last words out.
“Then we fought again,” Bee said. “Now I don’t know what we are.”
Maya held her tighter until the room grew quiet again. Bee was still heartbroken, angry, and unsure what came next, but she was finally no longer carrying all of it by herself.