Chapter 12 Ryder
Ryder
“I’m calling one more fucking time. If they don’t answer, we go,” I tell Dex, and he jerks a nod.
We haven’t heard from Les and Gage since they took off with Leo last night after The Games.
Between Dex and me, we have called them a hundred times with no answer.
I even tried calling the phone Les gave Leo when we took his, but nothing.
I finally broke down and had Holden check the tracking on their phones that all of us have.
All three red dots are blinking in the same spot.
I wouldn’t be so damn worried if they weren’t with Leo, and I didn’t get an anonymous message this morning with a picture of us from The Games.
It looked like it was taken at pretty close range, so someone was watching us last night, and they wanted me to know it.
I don’t like it, and now they aren’t answering.
I pull up Gage’s number and redial it.
“Hello?” he finally answers on the third ring, sounding half asleep.
“Where the fuck are you?” I bark, pissed and relieved all at the same time.
“What?” he asks sleepily, and I grit my teeth. I hear a familiar feminine voice in the background, making me grind my teeth even harder. Are they in the same bed?
“Where. Are. You?”
“The cabin,” he yawns. The cabin only Les and Gage are allowed to go to.
We all have secret places we go to when we hang out one-on-one with her, which doesn’t happen often, and it sure as fuck doesn’t happen overnight.
I hear Les giggle and another male voice murmurs in the background. What the fuck?
“You could have fucking let someone know,” I grind out.
“Chill out,” Les’ voice filters through the phone. “We’re grown-ass adults.”
“I can’t protect you if I don’t know where you are,” I point out. It’s my number one job.
“I’m with Gage and Leo.” I can practically hear her rolling her eyes. “Is something wrong?”
Is she serious? “No. Just that you guys disappeared last night and went ghost.”
She sighs. “I’m sorry. We should have let you guys know,” her voice softens. “We just fell asleep.”
I drop my head forward, hanging my head. Fell asleep after doing what? My stomach rolls and acid burns my throat. Did she fuck them? Every vision I have for her and me evaporates before my very eyes.
“I’ll see you later.” I end the call before I say something stupid and lean back in the chair in the living room, staring up at the ceiling.
“Everything good?” Dex asks from his spot in the other chair.
“Yeah. They fell asleep,” I tell him, and even to my ears, I sound bitter as hell. Dex grunts in answer, and I want to punch him in the damn face. “Spit it out.” I know he has something to say.
“They? As in all three of them? Together?” He asks, and I look at his face. He doesn’t look pissed. He just looks thoughtful. I’m definitely going to punch him.
“Yes, asshole. All three of them together.” I swear I’m going to throw up. Visions of Les pressed between them flash through my mind, and I want to stab my fucking eyeballs out.
“Maybe that’s not a bad thing,” he says, and I sit up so fast I make myself half dizzy.
“What the fuck?”
He shrugs. “She deserves to feel good, man.”
“I can make her feel good,” I say harshly. She doesn’t need them to make her feel good. She has me. She’s always had me.
He lifts a scarred brow. “So could I.” He raises a hand when he sees my face change. “Don’t get pissy. Just because you’ve known her the longest doesn’t give you some kind of claim to her.” He stands up. “If you want to get down to it, I was the first one to grow balls and go after her.”
I snort. “You lost those balls, so it’s a moot point.” As soon as it’s out of my mouth, I immediately feel like shit. I know why Dex didn’t continue to go after her, and like an asshole, I just threw it in his face.
He gets that haunted look in his eyes. “Yeah. I did,” he says before walking out of the room.
“Dex,” I say, but he’s already gone then a door slams further into the house.
I sit back in the chair, running my fingers roughly through my hair. This shit with Alessa has me fucked up, making me act out against the wrong people. It isn’t even her fault. It’s mine for burying my feelings for so long and then letting them be known at the wrong time.
“Ryder,” Holden says softly from behind me, and I turn to look at him. “Is she okay?”
I sigh. “Yeah, man. She’s fine.”
“Good,” he says, all the air leaving him in a rush, like knowing that one thing hit a pressure release. I know about his little crush on her. It’s obvious, but is it more?
“They fell asleep at the cabin,” I tell him, testing him to see how he’ll react.
“Oh,” he frowns. “All three of them?” I can feel my eyes starting to cross from that fucking question.
“Yes,” I say gently. I already hurt Dex. The last thing I need to do is hurt Holden. Alessa would shoot me on sight.
“Oh,” he says again, then shrugs. “That’s cool.”
He walks away, leaving me staring at his stooped shoulders. I don’t even have it in me to yell at him to stand up straight like I usually do.
Does anyone else in this fucking house care besides me that they all spent the night together?
Two hours.
Two fucking hours later, I finally hear the bikes coming up the driveway, then hear all three of them laughing while walking into the house.
I don’t look up from my spot in the living room where I’ve been since Holden walked out.
I don’t need to see them to know what happened.
I’ve gone through every emotion sitting here alone.
Jealousy.
Anger.
Sadness.
And the one I don’t want to admit? Curiosity.
They all stumble into the living room about thirty minutes later, freshly showered. I just sit and glare at the tv.
“Your face is going to get stuck like that,” Les quips, jerking the remote from my hand and flopping on the chaise, stealing Gage’s spot.
He squeezes himself beside her and the arm of the couch, making himself comfortable.
Leo sits on her other side, just as fucking close. I grind my teeth so hard I can hear it.
“He’s not going to have any teeth either,” Gage says, taking the remote from her and flipping to Netflix. “He’s going to be an ugly motherfucker.” Leo covers a laugh with a cough when I turn my glare on him. Smart guy.
“Ryder could never be ugly,” Les throws in.
“Now give me that back.” She reaches for the remote, and Gage moves it out of her reach.
She reaches further, placing her face right in front of his.
As if in slow motion, he kisses her, not wasting time sinking his tongue into her mouth.
She moans, kissing him back, and it’s like they realize at the same time that they have an audience. They jerk apart and look over at me.
I storm out of the room without a word. Fuck this.
I don’t need them to tell me what happened because they just told me without words.
I don’t need it shoved in my face, though.
I jerk the door to the garage open, heading straight toward my vintage black Ford Mustang Shelby in the back that I’m rebuilding.
I work on it when I need to think or am pissed off. Right now, it’s both.
I jerk my shirt off, toss it onto the workbench, and then start getting the tools I need.
I lay them on the table I have beside the car before getting to work.
I work for about fifteen minutes before I hear the garage door open and then shut.
Les’ vanilla scent hits me before I see her, and I steel myself.
“Ryder,” she says softly. I can’t even look at her. Them fucking her keeps plaguing my mind, and Gage kissing her inside burnt into my brain. “Ryder,” she says louder, “Talk to me.”
I jerk upright, slamming my wrench down. “Sure, Les. Let’s fucking talk.”
To her credit, she doesn’t even flinch. “It doesn’t have to be like this.”
“Doesn’t it?” I say, throwing my hands in the air. “How else is it supposed to be?”
“You’re my best friend, Ryder,” she says softly, looking more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen her.
“Yeah. I am. That’s all I’ll ever fucking be, right?” I scoff at the look on her face. It says everything I need to know. “Right,” I answer myself before grabbing my wrench and bending back under the hood.
“Please don’t do this.”
I come back up so fast that I almost crack my head on the hood. “Don’t do what?!” I yell. “Be fucking hurt?! Fine, Les. I don’t fucking care.”
This time she does flinch, but not out of fear. I hurt the one person with my own fucking feelings that I swore I never would. Her face falls, and she storms back into the house.
“Les!” I call out after her, and she slams the door in my face. Fuck! I take several calming breaths before I follow her, knowing where she’s going since I pissed her off.
When I walk into the gym, she’s taping up her hands, shoving them into boxing gloves.
She starts pounding into the punching bag.
“Les.” No answer; she just starts hitting harder.
“Alessa.” No response. I walk up to her and touch her shoulder, then have to jump back, narrowly missing one of her mean right hooks. “Fuck, Les.”
“No fuck you, Ryder Jett Venchelli.” She socks me right in the chest hard, knocking the wind out of me.
“Fuck you.” Each sentence is ended with a sharp punch to the chest, pushing me toward the grappling mat.
She starts advancing on me, fire burning in her blue eyes.
“Fuck you for making me feel like shit for liking Leo.” Left punch to the chest. “Fuck you for spilling how you feel right after shit blows up in my face.” Right punch to the chest. “Fuck you for treating me like shit because I told you how I felt.” Both fists punch me in the chest. “And fuck you for taking what was the best night of my life and turning it to shit with your fucking attitude.” She jerks the ties on her gloves loose before slinging them to the ground.
I don’t have time to react before she jumps up, grabbing me around the neck in a rear naked chokehold and slamming both of us to the mat, letting go before we hit so she doesn’t break my damn neck. She doesn’t want me dead, at least.
We grapple for control for a good five minutes, something we have done a thousand times, and I can never pin her.
So, when I straddle her hips, squeezing them together with my thighs, grabbing her wrists, and pin them above her head, I know she let me.
We stare at each other, both breathing hard, then in a flash, meet in the middle with a crash of lips.
It’s all tongue, teeth, sloppy, and fucking desperate, both of us trying to get closer.
I take one leg and push her legs apart, sliding my body down hers.
When my hard cock grinds against her, she moans into my mouth, responding exactly how she did upstairs and outside on the patio.
Her hands are sliding all over my sweaty, naked back.
Everything about why we shouldn’t do this leaves my head as I push her harder into the mat, grinding my dick against her pussy.
Tucking my hands under the hem of her shirt, I jerk it off before our lips crash together again.
Les wraps her legs around my waist, pushing her hips up, seeking friction from my hard cock through her thin cotton shorts.
I kiss down her neck, and she turns her head to the side, giving me better access.
I kiss the top of her breast, where it’s about to spill out of her red bra.
I bet twenty bucks that her panties match. I couldn’t wait to find out.
She sinks her hand into my hair and tugs, trying to get me back up to her lips.
I growl, latch my mouth back on her breast, and suck hard.
She moans, grinding her hips up again, loving the feeling of my mouth on her, so I suck and bite, marking her.
I look at my handiwork and groan, licking over the spot.
I kiss between her breasts, down her sternum, and run my tongue around her belly button.
I kiss above her shorts, hooking my hands in the top of them.
“Wait,” she says breathlessly, sitting up on her elbows. “Not like this,” she says when I look up at her.
“What?” I ask lamely. All the blood has rushed from my brain straight to my cock so I can’t think straight.
“Not while we’re pissed and not until you understand what this is,” she explains. I sit up on my knees, separating our bodies.
“What is this, then?”
She swallows and flops back on the mat. “I fucked Leo and Gage last night.” Even though I already know what happened, it’s like a punch to the gut hearing the words straight from her mouth. “I won’t stop just because you and I sleep together.”
“You still want that fucking dick?” I ask, and I already know the answer. I was seconds away from blowing his brains out last night when he told me he loved her.
“I love him, Ryder,” she whispers and rolls smoothly to her feet, reaching down and pulling her shirt back on.
I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. If she loves him, there is no place in her heart for me, not like that. There is no way I can fuck her for fun while she loves him.
She walks out of the gym when I don’t respond, and I let her walk away.
What else am I supposed to do? Follow her and beg her to love me instead?
I always thought that when she was finally ready to settle down, I would tell her how I felt, and we would have the life she always dreamed about, the one her mom and dad had.
But I kept my head buried in my own shit and missed when she fell in love with him.
Looking back, I can see the moment it went from simply dating to her gushing about all the shit he did with her, all the stuff he did for her.
All the shit I never did, all the shit I didn’t do because I thought I had it on lockdown as her best friend.
I let her walk right into his arms and out of mine.
I fucked up, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.