Chapter 12 Josie #2
The lot is packed and spilling over across the street to Honey’s Hot Rod’s which is where we are parked.
We walk over to the compound. Once behind the gates there are grills smoking, men and women standing around while kids run wild everywhere.
Classic rock music plays from speakers that I can’t seem to locate.
They are loud but not obnoxiously so that I can’t think or have a conversation.
I watch Dean as he confidently interacts with everyone. The pride he carries himself with here is different. I can’t explain it. Somehow, he knows he is wanted, accepted here, maybe that is it.
Justice tugs at my hand and looks to Dean, “they have a bounce house!”
Dean smiles at my son, “told you this would be fun.”
“It gets better every time we come!” Justice says taking off to go bounce.
This isn’t the first time I’ve stopped at the clubhouse with Dean, but it is our first barbecue.
“You good?” Dean asks me giving my hand a squeeze.
“You expect me not to be?”
He shakes his head. “Nah, but it’s a crowd of people, loud. It can sometimes be overload.”
“You with me?” I challenge knowing the answer.
He smirks, “all day, every day I can be.”
“Then I am more than good.”
He leans over pressing a soft kiss to my temple.
Casual, understated, but it all means the world.
We stroll the area until Sara grabs me and pulls me away to meet the other ol’ ladies. They seem to embrace me. I find myself laughing at some of the stories about the brothers. As I glance at my son not one moment has a smile left his face.
Sara is mid-story, animatedly sharing a night with Honey and some others that has her still refusing to drink tequila just as Honey approaches.
Her expression is gentle but serious. She’s an enigma I’m learning.
A woman who commands attention without trying, with her wild brown waves and piercing vibrant eyes that seem to see straight through everyone, including me.
“Josie, can we chat a sec?” Honey’s voice is smooth but firm letting me know this isn’t exactly an optional conversation.
I nod, offering an apologetic smile to Sara before following Honey toward the quieter side of the lot.
“I like you,” Honey starts, crossing her arms while studying me. “I see the way Raff is with you and your son. I like that too.”
“Um,” I mutter unsure what to say.
Her eyes soften, “and that is why it’s important for me to get this off my chest.” She takes a deep breath as if deciding how blunt to be with me.
“Raff’s a good man. Solid in ways I’m not sure you know.
He’s seen more than his share of shit. Ate more shit than most and still standing strong in his own values.
He doesn’t let people in easy. When he does, it’s all in.
There is no one foot in and one foot out with him.
He doesn’t know how. When someone matters, they matter until the end of time to him. ”
My chest tightens as her tone makes me uneasy. “I know his story. I’m not playing games with him if that’s what you think.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about.” She studies me further, “I see the ghosts in your eyes. We all have ‘em. Some call them skeletons but a bag of bones ain’t shit to the way a ghost haunts you. I need to know you’re ready for this. For him.”
My heart stalls. The truth is I don’t know if I’m ready for any of this. What I know is I want to try. She has no idea my ghost. Jonah’s memory clings to me. Brett only left scars that feel like they may never heal.
“I care about him,” I admit. “He’s been nothing but patient with me. I would like to think I’ve given him the same.”
She nods in understanding. “Just don’t run when shit gets real whether that comes from your ghosts or his.”
Her words linger after she walks away settling on my soul.
Dean never gets out of my line of sight.
Always stealing glances to make sure I’m comfortable.
I find myself able to relax like I haven’t done before.
Dean never strays far. Moving between conversations, clapping backs and exchanging easy grins with his club brothers, his gaze always finds mine.
A silent check-in, a reassurance, a promise he is with me.
An unspoken code that I belong here … if I want this.
The night stretches on warmth spreading through me as I enjoy taking in Justice bouncing around between all the kids his age, completely at ease.
This world is different than I imagined my life, Justice’s would be.
Maybe that isn’t a bad thing. Stability doesn’t have to be a white picket fence and a gated community.
Maybe it comes in calloused hands that build, fix, and comfort.
Covered in unwavering loyalty and a group of people who protect and accept their own no matter the past.
Dean’s arm slides around my waist as he approaches pressing a soft kiss to the top of my head. “You good?”
Leaning into him, I savor the solid feel of him behind me. “Yeah, I think I’m good like never before.”
His lips brush my temple as he whispers in my ear, “take a ride with me?”
I hesitate momentarily. Before I can voice it, Dean points to where Justice stands hand in hand with Sara.
“Gonna take lil’ man inside to help me pick some tunes.” Sara explains, “this kid knows his rock.” I nod knowing she’s made sure he’s very well versed in all the classic to modern rock artists with a dash of heavy metal.
“You got him for me to maybe take a ride with Dean?” I ask her fighting back my anxiety at leaving him.
She smiles big, “you don’t even have to ask. Go on, I’ll keep him ask long as you want. Even bring him home tomorrow.”
“I don’t know about that.”
She laughs, “you’ve never felt the passion of a night ride yet. But okay, I’ll be here with him when you get back. Take your time.” She winks strolling off with Justice.
Dean smirks before taking me by the hand. Gonna take Grinder’s bike since mine are at home.”
He climbs on, I follow after getting a helmet secured. In moments we are on the open road. The bike vibrating under me and the cool night air wrapping around me, I settle my arms tightly around him.
I don’t ask where we are going. I don’t pay attention to direction, distance, or time. Instead, I embrace every sensation.
In time we head back, and he parks over at Honey’s giving us a bit of privacy before heading back to the clubhouse. I slide off, wrapping my arms around myself thinking about the beauty of the night. Sara is right there is no better feeling than a night ride.
Dean stands behind me wrapping his arms around me. “How was that?”
“Beautiful.”
“Just a moment alone here and there is nice.”
I exhale leaning into him. “Honey talked to me.”
A hum vibrates in his chest, “figured she would.”
“She said you don’t do anything halfway.” He turns me to face him, fingers under my chin tilting my head up.
“I don’t.” His thumb traces my jaw line.
I swallow hard, gripping his cut, “Dean,” it comes out in a whisper.
“Say it,” he softly speaks, “whatever is on your mind, say it.”
“I’m scared.” I exhale deeply.
His eyes soften, “of what?”
“Being lost in this, in you. Another shattered dream.”
“You won’t be lost, Jo. No more broken dreams.”
“You can’t say that. My dreams turn to nightmares, Dean. I don’t want that for us.”
He presses a soft kiss to my forehead. “It won’t. I won’t let it.”
A shiver runs through me, every wall I’ve built crumbles under his touch. He leans down, his beard brushes against my cheek then chin as he kisses me, slowly, consuming me.
For the first time in a long time, I let myself believe maybe I can dream again.