Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jasper stood awkwardly on Beni’s front porch a few days later with an indie wrestling magazine tucked under his arm.
In his hands, he held a small figurine set and some paints, regretting it but accepting that it was too late to turn around.
It was probably silly, but Jasper thought a gift was appropriate, and it wasn’t until he tried to figure out what to bring that he realized how hard it was.
He wasn’t a great cook, so bringing food could wait until Ryan was feeling better, and Ryan didn’t really read, so bringing books was pointless. He thought about bringing a potted flower, but Ryan had never shown interest in indoor plants.
It shouldn’t have been so hard to figure out what to bring someone he’d known nearly fifteen years, but it was. The realization stung—he’d spent so long saying Ryan didn’t know him anymore, he hadn’t considered whether the opposite had become true.
Beni answered the door with a smile.
“Hey, Jasper,” she said.
“Hi. Can, um… I know I didn’t call, but—”
“It’s fine. Come in, he’ll be happy to see you.”
Jasper nodded and passed by Beni. He toed off his shoes by the door and glanced up at her, the air between them thick with what Jasper feared was some protective older sister business. To Jasper’s horror, Ryan’s parents, Terry and Janet, appeared shortly after he entered.
“Oh, hi, sweetie!” Janet said.
“Jas,” Terry said, holding his hand out. “Nice to see you.”
“Nice to see you guys,” Jasper said. He rocked on his toes and smiled nervously, trying to feel out their opinion on his presence. “When did you get in?”
“Yesterday,” Janet said. “It’s an easy trip. Not like the last flight we took.”
“Last flight?” Jasper realized how little he’d spoken to them in the last year or two. They used to talk all the time.
“We just got back from Spain. Ryan paid for an upgrade so we got those fancy seats that lay flat for the cross-Atlantic leg. Barely saw Janet the whole time, isn’t that right?”
“Snug as a bug,” she said.
“Ah, I remember those,” Jasper said, thinking back on various trips Ryan had sent him on.
His favorite was a trip to Japan, and he could admit part of the reason was that Ryan had put him in first class on a nonstop flight to Tokyo, all the way from Boston.
He’d slept nearly twelve hours of it, thinking there was no way he could ever go back to economy until he’d nearly shit himself when he came across Ryan’s credit card bill on the counter.
That flight had cost ten thousand dollars.
Jasper had lost his mind, but Ryan just shrugged and said something about Jasper being the only thing he wanted to spend money on.
You were comfy and I got a ton of points, he’d said. Totally worth it.
“That’s right. You’ve probably flown more than both of us combined, haven’t you?” Janet said.
“Yeah, could be,” Jasper said. Their lack of interest in the dissolution of their son’s marriage was on the tip of his tongue, but he left it alone.
“Anyway,” Jasper continued. “I’m gonna, um…” He pointed towards the guest room.
“Right. Well, hope you’ll join us for dinner,” Terry said.
“Yeah, of course. I’d love to. Thank you for the invite.”
He made his way to the room Ryan was staying in and found him propped up against pillows, his broken arm resting on a wedge of foam. Eyes closed and mouth agape, a little line of drool reached down towards his chin as he snored away. It sent a pang of nostalgia through him.
With Ryan sleeping, Jasper seized the opportunity and took in the details of Ryan’s body.
He’d seen quite a bit of it over the last few weeks, on purpose or not, but had forced himself to avoid looking at certain areas.
Knowing he wouldn’t get caught, Jasper shifted his gaze to the bulge in Ryan’s shorts.
He wasn’t hard, but he wasn’t fully soft, either.
Jasper sighed quietly at the thick, lazy curve stretching down the seam of Ryan’s shorts.
The ridge of the head pushed against the fabric above the full shape of his balls, the sight of which caused Jasper to clear his throat impulsively, feeling like a pervert for ogling this man who’d been horribly injured.
He looked elsewhere, too—his chin, covered in stubble. His hair, overgrown and slightly tangled. His sweet face and the gently wrinkled skin at the corners of his eyes, smoothed away without the easy smile that rarely left when he was awake.
Ryan shifted slightly and Jasper caught himself holding his breath, afraid to make more noise and end his ogling. Luck was on his side, though, when Ryan let out a soft snore and the shifting of his leg gave Jasper an even better look at the dark, thickening hair creeping up his inner thigh.
Jasper felt himself getting hard at the sight and regret followed quickly, guilt and arousal competing in his chest. He cleared his throat again, hoping to wake Ryan up gently but fully, so he could cover himself.
Ryan’s eyes fluttered open, immediately locking on Jasper’s. A wide grin broke out across his face and Jasper had to catch his breath.
“Possum,” he croaked out.
“Hi.”
Ryan started to pull a blanket over his lap with his good arm, wincing when he bent forward. Jasper helped, directing his hands as far away from Ryan’s groin as he could.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“I’m glad to be here. I’ve been invited for dinner.”
“You gonna eat in here with me?”
Jasper smiled. “If that’s what you want. Your folks might be disappointed.”
“They’re here for a month,” Ryan said, sighing. “You’ll have time to make it up to them.”
“Oh, yeah? You think I’m gonna be around a lot, huh?”
Ryan shrugged his good shoulder. “Wishful thinking.”
There was already a chair placed by Ryan’s bed, so Jasper sat down on it and handed Ryan the magazine. “The feature article is about Bandsaw,” he said.
“Ah, my first nemesis,” Ryan said, flipping through the magazine. “I can’t wait to see how far he’s fallen.”
“Well, if leading the Eastern seaboard’s largest indie promo is falling, then yeah, he sure has.” Jasper grinned sadly, glad they were talking, but hating everything still unsaid.
“I’m sorry I missed Nina’s recital.” Ryan frowned. “I feel terrible. She was really upset. And now she’s so scared of my cast, she won’t even hang out with me.”
It wasn’t explicitly stated, but Jasper knew that comment meant he’d read all of Jasper’s text messages laying into him about missing the recital. He swallowed roughly to stop the quivering of his chin, the guilt so overwhelming he felt sick to his stomach.
“It wasn’t your fault. I know you would have made it if you’d been able to.”
Ryan lifted his gaze to meet Jasper’s in what became an intense stare down. “Do you?”
“I do. I swear, I do.” He wasn’t even sure that was true—but he wanted to believe it was. “I’m sorry about the texts.”
Ryan nodded but stayed quiet.
“I was just—"
A knock on the door broke the tension. Jasper was relieved, but he had so much more to say, and so many more questions to ask.
“Dinner is ready,” Beni said, sticking her head in. “You up for the table tonight, Ryan?”
“I don’t think so. I’m actually feeling a bit sick and tired from the pain meds. I think I need a nap.”
Something inside Jasper sank at that. He’d only just arrived, and thought he had more time.
He wanted to know why Ryan was on a ladder, and where the ladder was, and what the spider had to do with it.
He wanted to know whether Ryan had been alone when he fell—whether he’d been lying there hurt and frightened with nobody around to help him or if he’d been with someone else, and if so, who?
But most of all, he wanted to know if Ryan had thought of Jasper for the same reasons Jasper had thought of Ryan when he got that terrifying phone call.
But Ryan already looked done, his eyes dark underneath, heavy lidded and red from exhaustion. Jasper stood up and faked a smile.
“Get some sleep,” he said, patting Ryan’s thigh.
Beni nodded. “I’ll bring you a plate later, Ryan. Jasper, are you staying for dinner?”
“I thought I could, but I forgot I have a work… thing,” Jasper said. “A deadline I forgot about.”
Ryan smiled slightly and stared at his lap. “Okay. Thanks for stopping by.”
Over the next few days, Jasper checked in through text but hadn’t stopped by again.
Not that he had to, he’d been busy at work getting ready for winter break.
Ryan told himself that every time his phone buzzed with a short How’s the pain today?
or Hope you’re taking it easy, it should have been enough to satisfy him.
But it wasn’t.
By the third day, Ryan had started brainstorming ways to get Jasper back over without making it too obvious.
It was difficult, though, since he had nothing important going on and his parents were constantly hovering.
Plus, the idea of Jasper showing up for them to exchange stiff small talk made something inside him deflate.
He needed a plan. Ryan wanted Jasper alone, and he wanted the version of him that first time he stopped by, when Jasper thought he was asleep, when his eyes lingered on Ryan’s body and pretended they were looks of concern.
His mom’s piercing voice cut through the silence, shifting his focus to the dining room chair he’d been walking towards.
“Well, you look better this morning!” Janet said. “Just in time, I think Daddy and I have finally settled in.”
“That’s good, Mama,” Ryan said, settling in next to her. She poured him a coffee and pushed it towards him.
He took a sip and then felt his mom stringing her fingers through his hair, ripping out tangles like he was a child.
“Ow!”
She tutted. “These curls. You need to be taking better care of your hair.”
“I’ve been stuck in bed!” he whined. He used his good arm to swat her away.
“Excuse me for caring!”
“Not like I have anyone to impress,” he mumbled.
She was quiet, pulling at random tangled strands of Ryan’s hair, before she finally said, “You haven’t wanted to talk about it and I’ve respected that, but I’m going to take that as an opening to ask what’s going on with Jas.”
“I figured Beni told you everything,” he said.
“She didn’t, even though I asked.”
“We’re sort of… not together. At the moment,” Ryan said. Still, after months, the words burned like acid.
She nodded. “I figured that much, since you’re staying here. I was more trying to understand why.”
Ryan sighed. “A lot of reasons. I don’t really want to discuss them, but I’m trying to fix it. I think things are getting better.”
“I see,” she said. “That’s good, then, right?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Well, speaking of fixing things, I got you something at the store.”
Ryan took a sip of his coffee and smiled. His mother had always done this—something was uncomfortable to talk about, she’d show him something she bought, or hand him a gift. “What’s that?”
“New bedsheets. Flannel, they’ll keep you nice and warm while you’re laid up.”
He couldn’t hold back a snort. “Thanks, Mama. That will help.”
She kissed him on the head and went to pour more coffee.
“What do you guys want to do today?” Ryan asked.
“I think Ben’s planning on taking us out to the shops to let you get some rest. We might head into the city for some sight-seeing.”
Ryan steadied his breathing to smother down the elation erupting in his chest—an entire day alone, his parents and sister out of the house, the perfect moment to enact his plan to get Jasper to do more than just stop by. Maybe he could even put those eager looks to work.
“Sounds like a nice day,” he said.
“I think so. We’ll be out most of the day—Oh! Should you be alone, though, while taking the pain meds?”
“I’ll be okay. I stopped taking the strong ones a couple days ago. It’s sore, but ibuprofen is all I need.”
“Are you sure?” she said, reaching to brush shaggy bangs from his forehead.
“I’m fine, Mama,” he said, closing his eyes against her preening. He let her do it a little longer, eyes half-lidded, letting the warmth of his mom fill the loneliest parts of him. Once she finished, he stayed put in the kitchen while she went off to get ready for her adventure.
The rest of Ryan’s day took shape inside his mind—some simple, harmless fun that just might get Jasper to stay the whole day.