1. Zach #3
“How? Do you have therapists on tap, or something?”
Phoenix shakes his head. “No, not exactly. Let me explain what Halo House is. That will probably answer most of your questions.”
“Okay.” I stare at him, anticipation fluttering in my gut.
“It is a refuge,” he begins. “A place where Angels can feel safe, where they have time to work through the things that brought them here, and leave empowered. When they’re ready to, of course.”
“How much does it cost?” I blurt out.
“Cost?” Phoenix seems genuinely amused by my question.
“Nothing in LA is free,” I mumble.
“I’m able to run Halo House as a nonprofit, thanks to our sponsors and the money our nightclub brings in.”
“Nightclub?”
He smiles. “Yes. It’s located elsewhere. While you don’t have to pay to stay here, we do ask that you contribute in some way during your stay. That could be by working in the nightclub, participating in the charity events we run, or helping out around the house.”
“I can cook,” I offer. “Or clean. I… I don’t think the nightclub is for me.” I look away sharply.
“You’re worried about people recognizing you?”
“I’m not exactly famous.”
“I believe the movie you starred in was the second-highest-grossing one this summer.”
“Uh, yeah.” It was something I was proud of. I take a breath. I am proud of it.
I’d never imagined a tiny indie film would become so popular, or that I’d get stopped in the street and asked for my autograph or a selfie within a year of moving to LA. It was exciting… Until last night.
“I’m not out,” I say by way of an explanation. “My family and friends know. I was out before I decided to come to LA. But I realized it would be easier to get roles here if no one knows.”
Phoenix gives me a sympathetic smile. “I understand.”
“You mentioned sponsors? How does that work?”
“There are various people—individuals and businesses—who contribute to Halo House in a variety of ways. Some donate money, others clothing—Ah! Speaking of which, I’ll show you the closet when we’ve finished talking, so you can pick out some clothes. Where was I?”
“Sponsors…”
“Yes. Some of our sponsors help from afar. Others want to get more involved.”
“Involved how?”
“By taking an interest in the Angels. They can offer whatever an Angel needs. That could be emotional support, spoiling them so they learn to feel a greater sense of self-worth, helping them to achieve their hopes and dreams, or even taking on a full caregiver role.”
I frown. “I don’t understand.”
“They provide safety and structure in a nurturing way. This can be a purely comforting dynamic, but as several of our sponsors are Daddies or Mommies, it can also be a Dom/sub one.” He tilts his head a fraction, watching me carefully.
“Dom/sub? As in a kink relationship?”
“Yes. If that’s what the Angel wants and needs.”
“And… these sponsors… one of them might be able to help me work through my stupid fear?”
Phoenix’s expression drops. “Your fear isn’t stupid, Zach. And, yes, they could.”
“But I could just talk? It wouldn’t have to get kinky? I mean… I’ve heard about those sorts of relationships, but it’s not something I’ve ever seen myself doing.”
“Yes, you could just talk. Entering into a caregiver relationship is entirely optional. As I said, the focus of Halo House is empowering Angels like you to be able to leave in a much better place than they arrived, whatever that takes.”
I nod. “It seems like a great place.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
“But I still don’t see that I fit in here. I have a home. I could go home. I’m just being pathetic.”
“You’re not. Everyone deserves to feel safe, including you.
To that end, this room is yours for as long as you need it.
As for the rest… think about it. There’s no pressure to do anything right now.
Settle in, perhaps introduce yourself to some of the other guests.
You’ll find that they’re all very supportive of one another. ”
I recoil a at that suggestion.
“Are you all right?” Phoenix asks, concern pinching his brow.
“No one can know I’m here. I’ll be outed if the press find out.” I feel like a coward that it’s even a concern.
“You don’t need to worry about that. All of the Angels have different reasons for being here. Everyone understands the need for safety. Halo House doesn’t have many rules, Zach, but one of the most important ones is to respect everyone’s privacy. No one will go to the press. I promise.”
I make myself breathe slowly as I process his words. “Okay. Thanks. I’m sorry for suggesting…”
He leans forward and puts his hand on mine. “There’s no need to apologize. I understand your concern, and I’m glad I was able to put your mind at rest.”
“You did. Thanks.”
He smiles. “If you feel you need someone to talk to, let me know, and I’ll arrange for you to meet one of our patrons.
” He stares at me thoughtfully for a moment, as though he knows just the person that might be able to help me.
I hope that’s true. “Would you like me to show you the closet and give you a tour of the house?”
“Please.”
He stands, his light, flowing clothes rustling as he turns toward the door.
I force myself to unfold and get off the bed. My knees are aching from being bent for so long.
“We’ll start with the closet, and then I’ll show you the rest of this floor, and then the first floor. Only Angels are allowed on this floor. It’s your sanctuary. A place you know you can be completely safe.”
“Angels and you?”
“Yes.”
We turn left out of my room, which has a brass number seven on it, like a hotel room, and go into the room next door.
The closet turns out to be a whole room full of clothing racks, like a mini clothes store.
My eyes widen as I take it all in and look at a couple of shirts on the rack closest to me.
They’re good quality, not cheap disposable fashion.
“Everything in here has been donated by one of our sponsors,” Phoenix says. “You’re welcome to whatever you want. You should be able to find something you like.”
“I-I—”
I have clothes in my apartment. I feel terrible even looking at these clothes, knowing I don’t deserve them. I should toughen up, go home, and… Even the thought makes me freeze up. My chest squeezes tight, and I let out an odd, strangled sound.
“I think I would like to talk to someone,” I choke out. “I want to feel safe. Do you know anyone who can help me feel safe again?”
“I think so, yes. If you’re sure you want to meet one of our patrons so soon.”
“I don’t want to feel this way. If you know anyone who can help me stop feeling this way, I’d like to meet them.”
“One of our patrons is in the close protection industry. Do you think talking to him might help?”
“Close protection? Like a bodyguard?”
“Yes, exactly like that.”
“Yes. Yes, that would help a lot.” I stifle a sob by pressing my fist hard against my lips. “I’m sorry. I’m not usually this much of a mess.”
“Like I said last night, you don’t have to apologize for anything. Are you all right to pick out what you need now, or would you like to take a breather for a while? You can come back here whenever you’re ready, and I can show you around Halo House later, when you’re calmer.”
“No. I’m fine to do it now.” I need to pull myself together. “It will be a good distraction.”
“All right. Do you want me to stay, or shall I leave you alone for a while?”
“I’ll be fine alone.” I need a few moments on my own.
“I’ll come back shortly, then.” Phoenix smiles and then sweeps out of the room, leaving me staring at the clothes.
Other than in a shop, I’ve never seen so many in one place before. Are there movie stars who have closets like this in their homes? There must be, with the number of actors who are never filmed or photographed wearing the same thing twice. I can only dream of affording a closet like this.
Maybe one day, when I’m famous and earning six figures for every movie.
Do I even want to be famous anymore?
The question hits me like a freight train. Being an actor is all I’ve ever wanted. It’s my dream. Except it’s turned into a nightmare. I sink to the floor and cry.