Chapter 15 #2
Instead, I press my face into Mia’s soft hair, breathing her in. My heart feels like it’s grown three sizes in the last thirty seconds. She pats my cheeks with both hands, babbling proudly, like she knows she just conquered the world.
“You did it,” I whisper against her temple. “I’m so proud of you, baby girl.”
Behind me, everyone is still celebrating. Coral and Camden come rushing over, so I take a seat on the floor, and they climb onto my lap with Mia, telling her how good she did. Mia claps when Camden and Coral do, and my eyes find Amanda’s. She’s smiling and crying, and my hands ache to hold her.
There’s a swarm of activity as everyone sends Amanda the video footage.
The pizza we ordered for dinner arrives because none of us feels like cooking, and we wrangle the kids, making them plates before preparing our own.
The next couple of hours are loud and full of laughs, moments I missed out on after my divorce, moments I’ll never again take for granted.
“This little one is done for the day,” Reid says, rubbing Coral’s back. She’s resting against his shoulders, her eyes barely open.
“Yeah,” Knox agrees, standing with a sleeping Alexander in his arms.
One by one, everyone heads off to bed. “I’ll lock up,” I tell them. With a chorus of “Goodnights,” it’s just me. I clean up a little, make sure the door is locked and the lights are out, and use my cell phone to light the way to the room I’ll be sharing with Amanda and Mia.
When I reach the bedroom door, I hesitate.
I don’t want to knock and risk waking Mia, who was asleep when Amanda brought her up to bed.
I decide to tap lightly and then slowly push the door open.
I point my phone at the ground, but it gives me enough light to see Amanda in bed, and I assume Mia is in her Pack ’N Play.
Closing the door, I grab some gym shorts to sleep in and disappear into the bathroom.
I try to be as quiet as possible as I change clothes and brush my teeth for bed.
Gathering my dirty clothes and my phone, I turn out the light and push open the door.
Blindly, I make my way to the bed, toss my clothes on the floor to handle in the morning, and place my phone on the cordless charger before sliding into bed.
I lie completely still, staring up at the ceiling. My hands itch to hold her, to bring her to my bed, or slide into hers. “Goodnight, my girls,” I whisper softly. Silence greets me. I close my eyes, willing sleep to claim me.
“This is harder than I thought it would be,” Amanda whispers.
My eyes pop open as I turn my head. “Can’t sleep?” I ask.
“No.”
“Me either,” I say, rolling onto my side to face her. I can’t see her, but it makes me feel better, knowing I’m at least facing her. “I’ve missed you. Both of you,” I add, because Amanda has captured my mind. And her daughter, well, that little cutie has her fist wrapped around my heart.
“I’m sorry about the trip. I didn’t know,” she whispers.
“I did.” My voice is gruff as I confess.
“What?” she asks. I can hear the bed shift.
“I knew that you and Mia were coming. That’s the only reason I said yes. I didn’t know we’d be sharing a room, but I’m not mad about getting time with the two of you.”
“It’s not fair.”
I agree. “What’s not fair?” I ask instead, just in case she’s not thinking about how wrong it is that we’ve fallen under each other’s spell, but we can’t act on it. I’ve never felt this strong an attraction in my entire life. Not even with my ex-wife.
“That we can’t see what this is.”
“I can’t sleep—not because you’re in the room, but because you’re here and not next to me.”
“Will,” she breathes.
I can’t do it. I can’t stay away from her.
I know it’s risky, but the words are out before I can stop them, not that I would take them back.
“Can I hold you?” My voice cracks with emotion, and my heart races.
Asking is a risk, and it goes against what we both already decided—that whatever this is, we can’t pursue it, but fuck it. For tonight, I just need to hold her.
“What if we get caught?”
“I’ll lock the door. I just want to hold you. We have Mia,” I tell her. Not that she’d ever forget that her daughter was in the room with us. “Just until you fall asleep.”
“What about you?”
“I’d love nothing more than to wake up with you in my arms, but Mandy, baby, I’ll take what you give me.” I’m a man dying of thirst, and she’s the only water in sight.
“What if they notice the door’s locked?”
“We’ll tell them it was an accident.”
“Just to sleep.”
“Just to sleep,” I assure her.
“Okay,” she says, and I hear her blanket ruffle. I sit up, letting my own covers pool at my waist, and wait, giving her a chance to back out.
“You sure?”
“Yes, even though it’s wrong, and it’s risky, I still want you next to me,” she says, her voice soft.
That’s all the invitation I need. Tossing off the covers, I climb out of my bed and into hers. She’s holding up the blankets for me, then turns her back to my chest as soon as we’re both beneath them. I waste no time pulling her closer and wrapping my arms around her. I place a kiss on her temple.
“Night, Mandy.” I sigh, relishing the feel of her in my arms. All night. I get to hold her all night. I know it’s just going to make resisting her harder, but I don’t care. My gut tells me that this is where I’m supposed to be. With Amanda and Mia.
It scares the hell out of me because my daughter is her best friend, and I love Bellamy with every part of me.
But my attraction for Amanda is big, massive in a way that’s all-consuming.
I can’t stay away. I also know Amanda needs time.
I hate lying to my daughter, but I’ll give her what she’s asking for. She’s been through enough.
I just hope that when the truth comes out, my daughter finds it in herself to forgive me. There has to be a way I can have all three of them in my life. I know that this is more than Amanda in my arms. It’s Mia, too, and I want that. I want them to be mine.
This is riskier than any play I’ve ever called.
You have to take the risk to reap the reward, though.
Amanda and Mia, they’re my reward.