Chapter 7
Zenia
“Ms. Bonner, your fiancé wants to see you. He’s been waiting in the lobby for hours.”
“Fiancé?” I frowned, wondering how the hell Roderick had found me.
My head was pounding, and I felt like I needed to throw up. It took a few seconds for me to get my bearings, if being able to form a complete thought meant that I’d gotten my bearings. Eventually, it registered to me that I was in the hospital.
I remembered the very moment that I decided that I was going to end it all.
It was right before the dark and sexy security guy started hitting on me at the bar.
I knew that I wanted to go out with a bang.
I’d planned to see a show and drink myself into a coma before taking a handful of my mama’s pain pills.
I wanted to take Reed with me just to show The Force and my dad how detrimental their business practices were to a person’s psyche. Sometimes, to facilitate change, you had to make huge sacrifices. Since Reed was currently indisposed and wouldn’t be back for a long while, I had to change my plan.
There was no way I was going back home. I refused to subjugate myself to any more of my family’s abuse.
I damn sure wasn’t going through with that wedding.
I couldn’t see a way out of my situation, so I had to make one.
Well, at least I’d tried to make one. Apparently, I couldn’t even do that right.
If my fiancé was here, then I might not have to worry about living much longer.
He’d already told me how willing he was to take a life all in the name of the rules of The Force.
“Ms. Bonner?” the nurse called again.
I had to get used to that name. It took a while for me to remember who the hell Ms. Bonner was. People around here had been calling that name, and I didn’t even realize they were talking to me for a while. Eventually, I remembered the name from the cards Emerson gave me.
“Hm?” I asked weakly. So far, my body was having trouble catching up with my mind.
“Your fiancé, Mr. Ash, is very worried about you. He’s the one who found you passed out in your hotel bathroom. He’s been here all morning, waiting to make sure that you’re OK. If you don’t feel like having any visitors right now, we can send him home.”
“Mr. Ash? You mean Sawyer?” I asked, frowning.
My parents would be so disappointed that I’d given up my virginity to a man whose last name I didn’t even know. That was all the more reason for me not to go back home. Even if I lived long enough to get there, as soon as they found out that I’d been tainted, I would end up in a shallow grave.
“Yes, Mr. Sawyer Ash. He said that he was your fiancé. He came in with you. Is it OK for him to come back and visit? I can get rid of him if you don’t want any company.”
I sighed as tears slipped from the corners of my eyes.
He came. Not only did he come, but he waited.
I didn’t even know how to begin to process that information.
Sawyer didn’t even know my real name, but he was here.
It was probably part of his security protocol or something.
Then again, why would he have to tell them that he was my fiancé if it was part of his job to make sure I was good.
I had no idea why he felt like he needed to be here.
It was humiliating that I’d tried to take my own life right after he showed me such a good time last night.
What I did was not about last night. What I’d done was about me not having any hope for my future.
If I had to go, I wanted to do it on my own terms. Now I had dragged Sawyer into this mess.
The least I could do was assure him that I was OK, even if I didn’t really believe it myself.
“No, it’s fine. I wanna see him.”
“I’ll let him know you’re awake.”
When the nurse left the room, I closed my eyes.
I was still so sleepy. Even after people had been in and out asking me questions about wanting to hurt myself, I was exhausted.
I didn’t think I could hurt myself, even if I tried.
I just wanted to sleep. When I heard someone come into the room, I didn’t open my eyes.
“She’s still very tired, but she’s awake,” the nurse explained.
Maybe after seeing that I was fine, he would just leave.
I didn’t want to face anyone, especially not Sawyer.
He had been so sweet to me, not to mention the things he’d done to my body.
Every decision I made last night was based on not being here today.
Now I didn’t know what to do with myself.
I felt the weight of his hand sweep my hair back from my face before he kissed my forehead.
“I was so worried about you, mama. Don’t do that to me again, baby,” he whispered, placing a second kiss on my cheek.
The big, strong, self-assured man who’d made me feel desired and protected all night sounded so small and defeated that it broke my heart.
I never meant to drag him into my horror show of a life.
Tears leaked from the corners of my closed eyes, but I couldn’t look at him.
How could I ever look at him again? I didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes.
I didn’t want his pity. I just wanted to disappear.
“I’ll give you two some privacy,” I heard the nurse say before the door opened and closed.
When I was sure the nurse was gone, I finally opened my eyes.
Sawyer stood next to the bed with both hands resting on the railing as he stared down at me.
He studied my face like my eyes held all the answers he was looking for.
He looked disheveled dressed in a black button-down and slacks that I was almost certain were from last night.
Of course, they were. Dark circles made his eyes look tired and sunken, and his lips were dry, but God, was he still so handsome.
How could I have pulled him into this mess with me?
“I’m sorry,” I finally muttered.
He shook his head. “Don’t apologize to me. Just tell me what you need.”
“I can’t ask you for anything. I’ve already caused you enough trouble.”
“I’ll be the one to determine how much I can handle. Tell me what you need from me, Iris.”
“Nothing.” I shook my head.
“Is Iris your real name? Who is Z?”
I took a breath as I shifted my body away from him. I had no idea who he was or who he was connected to. For all I knew, my father and The Force had a bounty on my head by now. I couldn’t risk telling him who I really was.
“You don’t have to tell me your real name. I just need to know how I can help you, mama.”
“You can’t, Sawyer. I’m fresh out of a fucked-up situation with nowhere to go and nobody that I can trust. The best thing you can do for me and you both is forget you ever met me.”
“I can’t do that, mama. Even if I wanted to forget you, I couldn’t.”
“Please, just forget about last night and the stupid mistake I made. I promise I won’t do anything else to hurt myself. You can let yourself off the hook.”
“I’m not on the hook. I just want to be here for you.”
“You’ve already done more than enough by staying here. I don’t even know how long I’ve been here.”
“Six hours. I had to tell them that I was your fiancé so I could stay with you and get updates. My security team hasn’t been able to find any information on you. I wanted to alert your next of kin.”
My head snapped back to him. “I don’t want them finding me, Sawyer. I don’t need anyone to know where I am.”
He nodded. “I gathered that. That’s why I refrained from running your picture through the database. I didn’t want to raise any red flags, but I need you to tell me how to help you.”
“I don’t need your help, Sawyer.”
“What I saw this morning tells me otherwise. The look on your face when I mentioned finding your next of kin confirmed it. Let me protect you from whatever is making you feel like there’s no hope for you.”
“There are some things that even you can’t protect me from. Just go while you still can.”
He scoffed as he turned around and scanned the room. Apparently, my words meant nothing. He ignored them and pulled the chair next to the wall closer to the bed. Once he was seated, he picked up my hand and kissed the back of it.
“I’m not leaving you, mama.”
I rolled my eyes to the ceiling as I covered my face with both hands. “This is so embarrassing. The one thing to free me from this fucked-up life, and I can’t even do that right.”
“Z.”
Hearing him say that made me freeze. For a terrifying few seconds, I wondered how he knew who I was. Before I could question how he knew my name, I remembered the letter.
“I stayed all morning long, waiting to make sure you were OK. I had one of the security officers bring you a change of clothes and some supplies for when they’re ready to discharge you.
I’m not in a hurry to get anywhere. My only concern is being here for you until I determine that you no longer need me.
The decision you made is a clear indication that you’re not thinking straight, so I’m not taking your advice on the matter.
You can’t dismiss me. I’ll decide when I need to go. ”
“Why are you doing this?” My voice cracked, only further annoying me. He would never leave if I started crying.
Sawyer didn’t answer immediately. He just stared at me for a while like he was trying to come up with a good response. When I thought he wasn’t going to say anything, he finally spoke.
“No one should have to be alone when they’re this hopeless. No one should have to be alone if they don’t have to.”
Tears rushed down my cheeks, and there was no use in trying to stop them anymore.
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing, mama.”
“I can’t. I fucked up so bad. My life is so broken. I don’t know how I can ever fix things. I can’t go back home. I can’t go back to work. I just wanted to give up. I’ve felt like that before, but lately, it’s so strong I don’t know what else I can do besides give up.”
“Sometimes, life hits hard. It’s understandable to feel like there’s nothing left to fight for. Just know that I’m here to help you until you feel strong enough to fight on your own.”