Chapter 7 #2
“That’s good for now, but once I leave this hospital, I don’t have anywhere to go.”
“You can stay at the hotel as long as you need to.”
“Sawyer, you just said yourself you don’t even know my name. I can’t ask you to go out of your way for me any more than you already have.”
“Lady, I keep telling you that’s not your call. If it makes you feel better, we can figure it out together, OK? Right now, just get some rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
After spending the night in the hospital, I was finally released to go home. I felt like shit for more than one reason. The main one being how diligent Sawyer was about making sure I was good. I probably would never be OK. I was basically living on borrowed time.
“I’m sorry I went through your stuff, but I wanted to make sure you had what you needed. I had Shannon to bring your bag,” Sawyer explained, passing me a shopping bag. “I wasn’t sure about feminine products, so I told her to get a variety.”
I smiled at his thoughtfulness as he passed the bag to me. He had already gone above and beyond, yet he continued to try to do things to help me. It was more than enough that he was offering me a place to stay.
“Oh, she got me the fancy soap. Why in the world did you get that lady to bring pads and tampons, Sawyer?” I laughed.
“I figured you would need them. I didn’t see any in your luggage.”
“Wow, you literally thought of everything. Thankfully, I’m not on my period. I have enough to deal with as it is.”
“There was blood on the sheets when I woke up. I figured you started your cycle. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I know that’s part of being a woman.”
“I’m not ashamed, Sawyer. That’s not why I was bleeding.”
His eyes lowered into a scowl before he came up with a response. “Did you cut yourself? I figured you just took the pills.”
“No.” I sighed. I’d hoped that this wouldn’t come up, but since he was pressing the issue, I might as well let the cat out of the bag. “I’m not on my period, and I didn’t try to cut myself. More than likely, there was blood on the sheets from my hymen being broken.”
“Like—” This time, his frown was adorable. I could literally see his wheels turning as he plopped back down in the seat he’d made his home for the last twenty-four hours.
“I was a virgin.”
“Like you never had sex before, ever?” he asked.
“Not penetration. It was my first time.”
He was in front of me in a flash. His hands cupped my face as he stared down at me in horror.
“Oh, baby, no. Why would you let me do that to you? Is that why you . . . Z, I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that. I’m so sorry, mama. I’m not like that. I need you to know that.”
“I didn’t say I thought you were a bad guy. I actually liked you.”
“Are you sure? Be honest, is that why you did what you did? I would have never done anything to hurt you. I thought we wanted the same thing.”
“Sawyer, you didn’t do anything that I didn’t want you to do. I gave you my virginity because I had already decided that I didn’t have any reason to live.”
“Can I help you change your mind about that?” he asked, looking at me with bunched brows.
“You can try, but I really don’t see how you can help me get out of this shit.”
“You can help me by telling me what’s going on. I know there’s a story behind the sorrow in these pretty eyes of yours.”
I shook my head and pushed his hands away. “You don’t even want to know.”
“Can I at least know if you killed somebody? I just need to know how to move.”
I didn’t think I would have laughed if he didn’t look so damn serious.
“No, I didn’t kill anyone, Sawyer.”
“Whew. I was sitting over here thinking it’s just my luck that I would fall for a virgin serial killer and have to go down for harboring a fugitive in twenty years when you finally get caught.”
“Wow.”
“Seriously, mama. I got you. Just know you can tell me whatever it is when you’re ready to talk.”
“I didn’t kill anyone. I went through a bad breakup and isolated my family and friends in the process. I left my job and the only place I could call home. Sadly, I have no desire to go back, even if I could.”
“You don’t have to go back. I’m not going to ask you to live at my place, but you could definitely stay at Cashville as long as you need to.”
“I can’t expect that from you.”
“It doesn’t matter what you expect. I’m telling you what I’m offering.”
“I don’t want to live for free. I need to earn my keep. Are you guys hiring?”
“The restaurants are always hiring. If not, I could get you a spot in housekeeping. Whatever it takes to make sure you know you have a reason to live.”
“What do you want in return?”
“What do you mean?”
“My father says anyone giving you something expects something in return. I’ve already had sex with you. I don’t have any money or anything else really. What else could I possibly give you?”
“I’m sorry that that has been your experience, mama, but I’m not asking you for anything. I’m doing the offering.”
“But why?”
“Because I want to help you. Why do I need to want something in return?” He shrugged.
I didn’t understand why I started crying.
It was a simple question. I asked plenty of questions, but Sawyer asking why he needed to want something in return seemed to flip some kind of switch in my head.
My whole life, I had been used as leverage in a business deal.
Now this man, who I couldn’t give anything that I hadn’t already offered him, freely wanted to help me just because.
I was taught not to trust people or believe their words at face value, but I trusted Sawyer.
He had shown me genuine concern and wasn’t asking for anything other than for me to allow him to be there for me.
It was a strange dynamic, but I was willing to try it out.
Sawyer stood and walked over to me, taking my hands in his and kissing them without saying a word.
He just gave me time to get it all out. I appreciated his patience more than I could explain.
“Can we still be friends if I work for you? I don’t know anyone else around here.”
“You mentioned that you used to know Reed, right?”
Oh shit. I had forgotten all about him. Since he would be gone for a while, I would figure out what to do about him when the time came. For now, I just wanted to exist.
“Yeah, but I wouldn’t consider him a friend. Besides, he’s not here right now.”
“Yes, I think we can be friends. When you’re up to it, I would like to pursue the idea of being more.”
“You don’t have to say that because you took my virginity. We both knew it was a one-night stand.”
“And now it’s more.”
I simply shrugged. “I guess it is.”