20. Ivy Thompson
IVY THOMPSON
T onight is another beach party. Daisy said I have to get myself out of the house. I know she’s trying to help, but I’d rather curl up in a ball and watch movies alone. It’s safe to say I’ve been feeling a little fragile since the run-in with Ben’s friends.
I’m just glad Tom, Julian, and the rest of them are never invited because they’ve always been bullies since school, and no one wants them around. If they showed up, they’d soon be ushered out.
And despite my protests, we’re here. On the beach. At the party.
The last thing I need is a drop of alcohol in my current emotional state. Those two don’t mix well, and I’ll end up a bawling mess if I’m not careful.
Isaac greets me with a hug and I sit with him, Daisy, and a few of our old school friends. I only speak when someone asks me a direct question, my eyes lingering on the roaring fire in front of us.
“Hey.” Isaac nudges my knee with his when Daisy takes over the conversation. I turn towards him and look into his warm, friendly eyes. “Everything okay? You seem a little quiet.”
I hum in response and flash another fake smile I’ve perfected. “Yeah. Just tired.”
He doesn’t take his eyes off me, analysing my expression. “Sure?”
“Sure.”
“Okay.”
I glance down at my almost empty cup of lemonade and stand from my seat. “I’m gonna grab a drink.”
To get myself out of this conversation before it escalates, and I don’t want to talk about my feelings at a party.
The sand rocks against my trainers, and I wrap my cardigan close to my chest. I lean forward for a can of Sprite and pour it into my plastic cup to pretend I’m drinking at least.
A familiar presence approaches at my side, and I don’t have to look to know it’s JJ. I can tell from the way the hairs on my arms begin to stand and my breathing changes. Whatever he possesses in his aura, it’s incredibly dangerous.
He reaches for a bottle beside me and pours himself a drink. My eyes don’t move from the table. I lower the empty Sprite can and turn away slowly. Maybe he didn’t see me here, maybe he did?—
“Hey.” His deep voice makes my heart skip a beat.
I stop. I don’t move. His voice practically hypnotises me and I wish—I fucking wish—it didn’t.
“What’s up?” I say as nonchalantly as possible.
JJ’s brows crease and he studies my face. He can read straight through my fake expression.
“Are you okay?”
I hum and nod. “Yep. All good. Perfect.”
“You don’t have to lie to me, princess.”
My heart quivers.
“It’s easier than telling the truth.”
He seems taken aback but recovers. “I haven’t seen you for a few days.”
“Yeah.” I raise my cup to my lips. “Been busy.”
“In your bedroom?”
“Yep. There are a lot of things you can do alone in your bedroom.”
JJ’s eyes narrow slightly, his lip curving. Oh shit. My eyes spring wide.
“I-I don’t mean like that.” I shake my head.
Thank goodness the sun is already setting because I can feel my face heat up like a furnace.
JJ’s lips are now forming a smug smirk that makes me want to rip my hair out.
“I don’t mean I was being intimate… with myself.
” I pause and close my eyes painfully. “God, I don’t even know what I’m saying. I’m gonna go now.”
Without looking in JJ’s direction, I speed walk to the seat I was occupying before, ignoring my heart thrashing against my ribcage. Why the hell did I say that? I should have stayed at home.
I try to pick up the conversation between Daisy and our old school friends when her words begin to slur. At least one of us is having fun.
Later on, I’m standing with Daisy by the fire, trying to keep warm now that the night is upon us. “You’re my best friend, you know that?” She wraps an arm around my shoulder and slumps her weight on me.
I huff out a laugh. “I know, Dais.”
“You’re so good to me,” she mumbles in my ear, almost tipping her drink down my arm. “I’m so grateful for you.”
“I love when your drunk confessions come out.”
She gawks at me. “What do you mean confessions? I tell you all the time how much I love you.”
I smile. “I know.”
Daisy whips her head over her shoulder and then jumps. “JJ!” she yells, and I find myself tensing. Oh god, don’t come over here .
“You guys good?” JJ’s voice floats through the air.
I close my eyes in defeat. “Yeah!” Daisy exhales as JJ stands in front of us. “I was just telling Ivy how amazing she is, she’s amazing, right?”
For some unknown reason, I decide to look JJ directly in the eye. He smiles straight back at me and nods. “Sure is.”
She points her finger between us as she sways on her feet slightly but doesn’t let go of my shoulder. “I know about you two. I know about your date. I know your dirty little secret.”
My blood runs cold, and I step out of Daisy’s hold. I know she’s drunk, but I didn’t expect her to bring it up at a party, surrounded by people who know us. JJ doesn’t seem startled by her confession, which has me raising my brows in confusion.
“Daisy,” I warn her.
She scowls at JJ. “I can’t believe you told me Ivy wasn’t even your type,” she slurs. “But you said I’m your type.”
Everything begins to slow as I take in her words.
“That’s like saying she’s not attractive. Do you even find her attractive?”
I blink and look at JJ, he’s staring back at Daisy in horror, and I feel like the size of a grain of sand on this beach.
Absolutely nothing. Of course I’m not his type.
I’m not surprised someone like Daisy is his type.
A busty natural beauty who has enough confidence that she could give a top model a run for their money.
The ache in my heart isn’t unexpected, but it still hurts. I glance away because suddenly my breath has slowed. I could have spared myself this embarrassment.
“Right,” I whisper, my voice becoming hoarse as I step away. “I’m gonna go.”
Before Daisy can protest, I walk towards the main road as quickly as I can, wrapping myself up in my cardigan and keeping my eyes on the ground. Pressure builds behind my eyes, but I refuse to cry.
My insecurities crash down on me once again.
I never want to compete with Daisy, but sometimes it feels like I am, and I despise it. I’ve lived in her shadow for almost ten years and now this… I almost laugh. This is the cherry on top of the cake.
Who was I even kidding?
JJ is JJ, and I’m… no one.
“Hey.” I hear a voice behind me, but I don’t turn. “Ivy.”
Isaac touches my arm gently and stops me from walking any further. One tear rolls down my cheek because I know he’s going to ask me what’s wrong and it’s going to set everything off. Everything.
“What’s the matter?”
I duck my head, but he tilts my gaze towards him.
“Hey.” He clutches my cheek and wipes away my tears with his thumbs. His face turns to panic. “What happened?”
My lip trembles. “Nothing.”
“You’re crying, Ivy. It’s not nothing.”
“It’s stupid.”
“Nothing you say to me could ever be stupid.”
I chew on the inside of my cheek as I glance up at him. “I’m just tired of feeling like I’m never good enough.”
His eyes soften at my words. “What do you mean?”
“Is it selfish to admit that sometimes I envy Daisy?” I confess quietly.
“She’s beautiful and bubbly, the complete opposite of me.
And sometimes I just want to feel seen, that I actually exist. It’s something I’ve always struggled with because I have never felt good enough in my own skin. I’m invisible to others.”
Isaac shakes his head. “That’s not true.”
“It is.”
His jaw locks before he exhales a short breath.
“I thought you were beautiful from the second I met you. I remember we were lining up in the science corridors, it was our first day with Mr. Harrington, and you were standing there, your hair in two braids, and you had bright blue braces. He sat us together, and I remember so vividly that I could barely look at you because I was so terrified that I was going to make a fool out of myself.”
I sniffle and pull away slowly. “You remember meeting me?”
Isaac grins. “Of course. And even now, you’re still beautiful to me.”
My heart feels like it’s going to fall out of my chest. More tears leak from my eyes; I can’t stop them. He continues to wipe them away with his thumbs and then I laugh, shaking my head. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. I’m being pathetic.”
“Ivy, we all have our own insecurities.” He holds me gently. “Feeling like this isn’t stupid, insecurities that stem from school stay with us for a really long time. Trust me, I should know. But I’ve always seen you, you’ve never been invisible to me.”
I blink once and tears roll again. I’m not sure if they’re sad or happy anymore. I’m a fucking mess of emotions right now.
“Come on.” He beckons with his head away from the beach. “Let me take you home.”
I don’t protest, I walk towards the main road with him because there is nothing I want more than my bed right now.
“My car is over here.” Isaac points down the street. “I haven’t been drinking tonight.”
My feet halt for a second, and I tighten my fists in my cardigan. Isaac notices my sudden discomfort and his expression warps to realisation.
“Or I could walk you home,” he offers instead. “I’m happy with whatever you’re comfortable with.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and smile. “No, it’s okay,” I say, even though my mouth tastes like shards of glass. “It’s just down the road, we can drive.”
Isaac tilts his head, trying to read through my mask. “Alright. As long as you’re sure?”
“Yeah, I am.”
We walk to his car, and I gingerly place my fingers on the door handle. Isaac watches me carefully before I get in, and I look at him over the top of the car. “Can we listen to some music?”
Isaac smiles gently. “Of course. Whatever you want.”
“Thanks.” I slip into the passenger seat.
He hands me his phone that is already connected to Bluetooth, and I scroll for the perfect song for this two-minute journey. I watch Isaac’s arms as he puts the car into gear and backs out of the space.
“I’ll drive slow,” he tells me, and I give him a small smile back, glad my tears have finally dried up.
“Thanks, Isaac.”
He shrugs it off and turns the steering wheel gently. “No need to thank me. Party was lame anyway, I enjoy your company far more.”
We stay silent for a few moments, and it really doesn’t take long to reach my house, but Isaac drives at the speed of a snail, which puts me at ease. When he pulls up outside, I take off my seatbelt.
“Thanks again,” I say softly.
He shakes his head and raises his eyebrows. “Please, stop thanking me.”
I stare at him for a few moments before I lean over and wrap my arms around his neck. Hugging in a car is always awkward, but we somehow make it work. He laughs gently into my ear. “The seatbelt is strangling me,” he comments.
After a second, I pull away, and he stretches the fabric away from his neck. “I’ll see you soon?”
He hums in my direction. “Most definitely.”
“Bye.” I step out of the car and give him a little wave.
“Bye, Ivy.”
And with that, I walk straight up to my front door and towards my bed, where I vow to sleep until lunchtime tomorrow.