40. JJ Woodford
JJ WOODFORD
T he fair at the beach is in full swing. Rides, food stalls, games. Music blasts across speakers, and children run about the sand with candy floss in their hands. Even the sun is peeking out behind the pearly white clouds for a perfect day.
I walk together with Finn, Joel and Callan, and the four of us grab a drink and perch on a railing, facing the sea. I cautiously eye Finn, and he demands it’s just one, but I don’t believe it.
Joel starts talking about a house party tonight, when all I can think about is Ivy.
She wasn’t at the house all morning, I can only presume she went over to Daisy’s to get ready before the fair.
We agreed to meet at the Ferris wheel at seven o’clock. I swear, time couldn’t be going any slower right now.
I’m a deprived man. It’s barely been four days, and that’s far too long for me.
There is nothing I want more than to wrap my arms around her and feel her delicate touch. I’ve been dreaming of it.
Finn clinks his beer against mine, snapping me out of my trance. “Cheers to a good summer, may it last forever.”
I raise my eyebrows as Joel and Cal’s glasses meet ours. “Forever indeed.”
I continuously watch the clock as we walk around and grab some food before Finn becomes intoxicated. I keep my eye on him because I don’t want him to go overboard tonight.
When it reaches five to seven, I chew on the inside of my lip and shove my phone into my pocket. “Guys, I gotta go take a call,” I lie.
Finn turns to me and grabs my shoulder. “Who is it?”
“I’ll tell you later,” I say, moving away from his grip. Joel and Cal nod as I take a step backwards. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
“Alright.” Finn holds up his hand as I turn around and head straight towards the Ferris wheel.
I almost stop walking when I spot Ivy in the distance, her fingers laced together in front of her as she glances from side to side. “Oh my,” I whisper to myself as my eyes rake over her attire.
She’s wearing light denim wide-leg jeans with a white crop top that showcases a sliver of midriff and the top half of her scar. She normally covers that scar. But not tonight.
My fingers twitch at the sight of her.
Her hair sweeps over the tips of her narrow shoulders in gentle waves. Big green eyes flick over every person until they land on mine. Then she smiles. She smiles. And my entire world slows down.
I take long strides to reach her, and when I do, I tower over her short frame. I grip her cheeks between my fingers and draw our noses tip to tip. Ivy releases a quiet gasp as I bring our faces together.
“I want to kiss the hell out of you right now,” I murmur heavily.
Her eyes light up at my words, and then she glances around. “Same,” she confesses. “But?—”
“I know.” I drop my hands from her face. “Later.”
“Later,” she agrees.
“You look so beautiful,” I admit, my eyes taking a journey over her again.
Ivy’s cheeks heat as she presses a hand to her chest. “Oh, this is just?—”
I clutch her chin between my thumb and finger, tilting her eyes to mine until she stops talking. “Take the compliment, princess, or I’ll make you.”
She gulps. “Okay. Thank you.”
“That’s more like it,” I say as my mouth curls to the side.
We queue up for the Ferris wheel and I pay for both of us. She thanks me, and I motion for her to go first, taking her hand as the cart rocks gently. We pull the barrier close to us, and it begins to move.
I glance down at Ivy, and her hands are tight against her thighs. “You okay?”
She hums and then brushes her hair behind her ear. “Yeah. You?”
“I am now,” I say, smiling as I take in every little detail of her perfect face.
Pink creeps up across her freckled cheeks as I extend my arm across the back of the seats, my fingers tickling her bare arm. “I like what you’re wearing,” I say as I take it in again.
“I thought I’d step out of my comfort zone again,” she says timidly.
“Again?”
A hesitant laugh falls from her lips. “Buying that lingerie set and taking a picture of myself. That was very out of character for me.”
I flash her a grin as I scoot closer. “Well, I like you stepping out of your comfort zone. It’s like seeing another side of you. I like it.”
Her lashes brush her cheek. “I’m getting there.” She lowers her head.
“What did you want to talk about?”
Ivy glances up at me. “Everything.” She releases a jagged sigh. “Excuse me if it takes me a while to get through it all.”
“Then I’ll keep paying the ticket guy until you’re done.”
“Thanks.” She laughs softly, and it’s so peaceful compared to the loudness of the fair. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to tell you, but I doubt it’s something I’ll ever get over.”
“Don’t apologise,” I whisper.
She sucks in a breath. “I know you’ve heard about Ben.”
I run my tongue along my lip. “I only heard about him, I know nothing about what happened.”
“It was probably for the best.” She attempts a smile, but it doesn’t meet her eyes. I continue to caress the back of her shoulder because I need to touch her, I need to be close to her. “I wanted to be the person to tell you, not anyone else. People tent to twist the truth.”
“Whatever you want to tell me, I’d never demand answers.”
Her eyes glance over the fair as we reach near the top.
“Ben used to be one of Finn’s friends. We met at a party and clicked instantly.
Obviously Finn hated the idea of it because they were friends.
But we dated for a year and everything was going well, then I started getting these strange vibes from him. ”
My brows crease. “Like what?”
She pauses and pivots to look at me. “At first, I never got any feelings that he was possessive or super jealous, but the closer we got to leaving for university, he started acting out. He became too attached, clingy. He said that I probably wouldn’t say no to other men when I went to university.”
I keep my eyes on her carefully as she continues.
“I couldn’t handle it, being accused of something that I would never do.
Then these rumours came out, they spread like wildfire.
Someone said that I cheated on Ben with some guy I met at a club, but it wasn’t true.
I’d never cheat on anyone and hurt them like that. ”
I nod in agreement, not wanting to interrupt her.
“So, one evening he was dropping me home from a day at the beach and we got into an argument about the rumours. I was trying to convince him they were lies, but it kept getting more and more heated. I couldn’t control the direction of the conversation, he barely let me talk.”
Her voice falters, and I take her fingers in mine, giving them a little squeeze. When she glances up at me, her eyes glisten. Her chest is now moving quicker than before, so I hold her hand tighter and brush back her hair with my other.
“We were in his car but he started freaking out, crying, shouting at me. I-I was terrified. He kept speeding up, going faster and faster until my heart literally felt like it was going to burst. He was demanding I admit that I cheated on him, and said he would slow down if I admitted it.”
Her eyes flutter shut, the memory too painful to think about. I watch her and wish I could push away all her agony.
“I’ve never seen him so angry.” She shivers. “He literally switched. One moment his eyes were on the road, the next he undid my seatbelt, opened my passenger door and threatened to throw me out of it.”
Jesus Christ.
“He grabbed me here,” she says as she brushes her hand over the base of her throat.
“So tightly. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t get him off me.
He hung me half out of the car, and if he didn’t throw me out, I thought he was going to suffocate me.
We were easily going one hundred miles an hour, and then he started to loosen his grip.
I thought he was going to let me go. And I’ll never forget the look in his eyes.
Filled with hatred over something I didn’t do. ”
My hands start to shake from the fury rolling through me.
“I cried at him to stop and slow down, but he refused, and I could see a bridge ahead of us.” Her fingers now tremble in my hold, and I raise them to my lips and give her knuckles a little kiss. “I thought I was going to die. It’s a feeling I don’t even know how to describe.”
A single tear rolls down her cheek, and I brush it away with my vacant hand.
I never want to see her upset, it brings out emotions I didn’t even know I had.
“But he kept going,” she gasps, and now I wrap my arms around her and tug her head into my chest. “He told me I was his and that I did this to myself. Then he purposely slid into the the side of the bridge, and the car fell into the water. The windscreen smashed and I was pierced by a piece of metal that missed my heart by like two centimetres. I was knocked out when it happened, and I was barely alive when they found us. I should have died; I should have died right there.”
I shake my head over and over. “No, princess,” I whisper into her hair before pressing a kiss to her crown. “Don’t say that.”
A fire lights in my stomach knowing Ben put her in danger like that. He tried to hurt her. He did it on purpose.
“I was so scared,” she chokes out. “I thought that was the end.”
My eyes burn at the thought, the panic, the fear.
“After the accident, I was never the same.” She peeks her eyes up at me, filled with sadness.
“It took me a while to recover. Weeks in the hospital. Then I fell into this shell that I hated. I haven’t been myself in years, my insecurities got stronger, and my anxiety has been so bad that I don’t even recognise myself, let alone my body. ”
“Ivy,” I rasp and press my forehead to hers.
Her lips tremble. “I felt like the scars that cover my body—especially the one on my chest—define me. It wasn’t just what happened that had an effect on me; it was the aftermath, too.
It affects the way I see myself, and I started overthinking it because I believed others would see me that way, too.
All of Ben’s friends, outside of his friendship with Finn, were blaming me for what happened, that I deserved it for what I did.
When he went to prison, it made everything a thousand times worse. That’s why I left this town.”
“None of your scars define you, Ivy.” I dip my finger underneath her chin and force those green eyes to mine. “They never have and they never will.”
“I know that now.” Her lips stretch into a wobbly smile. “It took a while to realise it. The first night we met was the first time I allowed myself to be vulnerable with someone else.”
I clutch her chin a little tighter, not wanting to let go. “I’m so fucking sorry, Ivy. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I understand why you didn’t tell me. Jesus. He tried to kill you. He put you in danger on purpose. That is not okay whatsoever.”
“It gets worse.” Her eyes fall. “He’s getting out of prison next week.”
My eyes blink rapidly. “What?”
A sigh leaves her mouth. “Finn told me. I still have a restraining order against him, but I wouldn’t put it past him to come back here and act like nothing happened.”
“Are you scared of him?” I ask which sounds stupid considering he literally tried to kill them both.
She meets my eyes this time, and she nods.
If I ever meet this fucker, I am going to make him wish he died that day.
“Princess.” I let my eyes shut for a second. “I promise I won’t let him hurt you again. I promise.”
“I haven’t seen him in years, and I’m terrified to see his face again.” Her body trembles against mine. “I don’t want all of my progress to disappear.”
I cup her face between my hands, flicking my eyes between hers slowly.
“Your progress will not disappear when you see him, Ivy. If you do see him, you will remind yourself how strong you are, how far you’ve come.
That he is nothing, that what he did doesn’t make you who you are.
The only person who makes you you is yourself.
The smart, amazing girl that I have completely and utterly fallen for. ”
Ivy exhales sharply, two fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. “I thought I’d tell you this and you’d do a runner.”
“Why? This changes nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
She shrugs. “Because being with me isn’t easy. I know that.”
“I don’t want easy.” I kiss her cheek again, her salty tears dampening my lips. “I want you just how you are.”
Her head presses into my shoulder, and she releases a breath of relief. “I wanted to tell you because I trust you.”
“I’m honoured that you trust me, but just know, I’m always going to be here.”
She holds my stare. “Finn blames himself for what happened. That’s why he’s been drinking so excessively.” Her voice cracks a little. “I worry about telling him about us. You’re his best friend, and I know he doesn’t want history repeating itself.”
I chew on the inside of my cheek for a moment. “History won’t repeat itself. I would never hurt you, Ivy. I’d rather jump into incoming traffic than even think about hurting you.”
“I know,” she admits quietly. “I didn’t mean it like that, I mean that Finn carries this guilt, and he’ll spiral if he finds out about us.”
“Thank you for telling me,” I say as I slip my finger underneath her chin again. “For allowing me in.”
Her lips curve slowly, but tears are still evident in her eyes.
I hate seeing her like this, it makes me feel like a failure of a human being.
I wish I could do something to change how she feels, show her how incredible and brave she is.
But it’s something she’ll need to work on herself.
There is no doubt in my mind that she’ll get there.
“Are you okay?”
“When I’m with you, yes.”
“So, about that kiss?” I smile softly, glancing at her mouth.
She shuffles closer to me, our lips grazing. “I told you it was yours as long as you didn’t want to bolt a thousand miles away from me.”
I place my hand on the nape of her neck, tilting her head. “Trust me, you’re not getting away from me that easily. Nothing could push me away. Ever. ”
“Good,” she whispers, relief washing over her again.
I lean forward and press my lips to hers in a gentle caress. She whimpers into the kiss, and I graze my tongue against hers softly. Her little fingers bunch against my T-shirt, trying to get as close to me as possible.
I smile when I feel her smile. It’s contagious.
This moment might not be one of full happiness, but I hope she realises that this changes nothing and I’m not going to bail at the first hurdle.
Life isn’t easy, but being with Ivy is.
Falling for her is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.