43. Ivy Thompson
IVY THOMPSON
T he entire journey home, I felt numb.
JJ held my hand and brushed his thumb over my knuckles every few seconds as we walked back to the house in silence. Every step made my shoulders sink lower and lower until I was completely weighed down.
How could he do that to me?
Why would he do that to me?
I’ll never understand.
The house is quiet when we return, and my parents are most likely asleep. We creep upstairs, and JJ follows me into my bedroom. I strip myself of my clothes and climb into bed with JJ behind me.
I lay my head on my pillow and stare up at the ceiling. JJ shuffles next to me, wrapping an arm around the back of my neck and tugging me into his bare chest. I exhale a long sigh.
My eyes burn, and no matter how much I want to cry, I refuse to.
He made his decision. He chose to humiliate and betray me.
“Stop thinking so loudly,” JJ whispers into my temple. “Sleep.”
I screw my eyes shut and shake my head. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep.”
“Then talk to me,” he murmurs before rolling me onto my side so we face each other.
“I don’t know why he would do that. I can’t wrap my head around it. It’s spiteful and completely uncalled for, and yet, he still didn’t tell me. He lied to me this whole time, he watched me fall apart. It makes me so angry.”
JJ purses his lips. “I don’t know either. He clearly wanted to break you guys up, and went the wrong way about it. I’m trying to understand, but I can’t because I would never even dream of doing that to someone, let alone my sibling.”
“He could have spoken to me,” I mumble harshly. “That’s all he had to do.”
“I know, princess, I know. I’m not agreeing with him.” He strokes a hand down my back. “Finn has always dealt with things the wrong way, and he needs to understand that his choices have consequences.”
I nod in agreement. “I’ve tried to talk to him about his issues, but he refuses to get help. I don’t know what else I could have done.”
“It’s hard to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves,” he says simply. “As tough as that is to hear, you can’t save him if he’s not ready to save himself.”
My eyes close in defeat. A wave rolls through my stomach, churning like cement.
“Sleep,” JJ says delicately in my ear, and I take a breath.
I nuzzle my head into JJ’s chest and attempt to sleep, knowing I’m here with him and no one else.
A loud crash coming from downstairs stirs us both from our sleep. JJ’s arms tighten around me in defence. I push my hand into the bed and sit up, blinking through my hazy eyes.
“What the hell was that?” I rasp.
“I don’t know.” JJ shakes his head before leaping from the bed. “Stay here.”
“Hell no,” I say under a harsh breath.
JJ turns back to me with a pinned stare before he opens the door and checks downstairs. I grab my dressing gown and slip it over my arms before walking onto the landing and peeking my head over the bannister.
“What on earth is going on?” My father’s voice has me jumping out of my skin as he emerges from their bedroom.
“I-I don’t know.”
“Finn?” JJ’s voice echoes through the house. “Finn. Fuck. Someone call an ambulance.”
We both scurry down the stairs, mortified at the sight of Finn lying on the floor with broken bottles around him. JJ is on his knees before him as he chokes up froth. JJ attempts to roll him onto his side as he vomits across the wooden floor.
“Oh my god.” I raise a shaky hand to my lips before rushing back upstairs to grab my phone.
With trembling fingers, I call an ambulance as my parents surround my brother, panic laced through their voices as I try to answer the questions they’re asking me as best as I can.
“He’s having a seizure,” JJ cries out, and my father snatches the phone from my hands, demanding an ambulance come now.
I stand back, tears leaking from my eyes.
My stomach rolls. I knew this was going to happen. I knew he’d get himself into this state. I pray he didn’t overdo it this time because I’ll never live with the guilt.
We’ve been sitting in the hospital waiting room for two hours.
Finn needed to have his stomach pumped, and I hate to imagine how much alcohol he drank after we left the fair. Now they’re making sure he’s stable before we can go in to see him.
My parents haven’t said much after we explained what happened.
They might blame me, but I was protecting my own sanity at that moment.
I take a walk down to the cafeteria, but because it’s late, it’s closed. JJ follows close behind me.
“Ivy,” he calls out.
“It’s my fault.”
“Stop.” He shakes his head, reaching for me. “It is not your fault.”
“They’re going to blame me.”
JJ’s jaw ticks. “No. They’re not. It’s not your fault. Do not think that.”
My eyes sting as I glance up at him. “We should have stayed with him. What was I thinking?”
“You were processing the information, Ivy.” He cradles my face with his hand. “You had every right to take some space.”
My bottom lip trembles. “He could have died. He could have been somewhere unsafe.”
“He’s okay, princess,” he says to reassure me. “He’s in the best place he can be.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, and fresh tears stream down my face. JJ pushes them away with the pad of his thumb. We stand there for a while before he takes my hand and guides us back to the waiting room.
My mother glances up at me as we reappear, she doesn’t even try to smile, and it shatters me to pieces.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper when I reach them.
“Why are you sorry, honey?”
“I should have been there.”
My father clears his throat, eyes set forward. “We should have helped him sooner, after you told your mother about his habits. We should have done more. I didn’t think it would ever lead to this.”
“I think he needs to go to a rehabilitation centre,” JJ says simply. “I don’t know if he’s going to be able to heal if he doesn’t.”
My parents share a glance, and the thought alone puts into perspective how out of control this has become.
“We all failed him,” I croak.
JJ smooths over my knuckles with his finger. “Maybe so, but we’ve all been going through shit.”
I watch as my mother stands and wraps her arms around me.
I cry silently into her shoulder as she smooths back my hair with her hand.
“It’s not your fault.” She shakes her head adamantly.
“We should have taken action when you told me. I didn’t realise it was this serious.
I tried to talk to him about it, but he downplayed it, and now I have to live with knowing I ignored the signs. God, I’m an awful mother.”
My father steps to our side and attempts to draw her into a hug. “You’re not an awful mother, Andrea. We just need to be there for our son now.”
The doctors let us in to see Finn when he’s stable. My eyes roam over him as he lies in the hospital bed with tubes taped to his arms and hooked up to the machine beside him. He looks broken beyond belief.
My parents rush to his side. Finn says nothing, he looks disoriented and confused. I stand back as JJ patiently stands beside me, his fingers gently brushing my hip, but we know we can’t show affection at a time like this.
Not when he’s recovering.
Finn listens to what my parents say, managing a nod here and there until his eyes flick around the room and land on me. I freeze and swallow at the sadness that washes over his face.
“I’m sorry,” he chokes out as my parents turn to look at me. “Ivy, I’m so sorry.”
My throat feels like razor blades as I attempt to speak. I wrap my arms around myself and hold on tightly.
“You should rest,” I say instead.
Finn’s mouth opens, but when my father rests a hand on his shoulder, he closes it again. “She’s right. You should rest.”
“Do you think you could give us a moment?” my mum asks and subtly flashes us the leaflet the doctor gave her about rehabilitation treatment.
We both leave in understanding. This isn’t going to be an easy conversation, but it’s important, and Finn’s health needs attention.
Once we’re outside in the waiting area again, JJ holds my hand in my lap. We stay quiet because I don’t know what there is to say, and I’m grateful not to be bombarded by a million different questions.
An hour later, they emerge from Finn’s room. My mum wipes her eyes, and my dad wraps an arm around her shoulder. I hold my breath as I watch them, unsure if I want to know how the talk went.
“He wants to see you,” my mother says softly.
“Okay.” I lick my lips.
I glance at JJ, who offers me sincere eyes. “Do you want me to come with you?”
“I think I need to do it by myself.” I suck in a breath.
“Of course.” He gives my fingers a squeeze. “I’ll be here if you need me.”