31. Alex
31
ALEX
Without another word, I cupped her face and leaned in to press my lips firmly against hers. She responded eagerly, tipping on her toes to better align our bodies as her fingers threaded through my hair. I deepened the kiss, my hands roaming over her curves and pulling her as close to me as possible.
She hiked a leg over my waist and undulated her hips to rub her heat against my cock, which was already straining against my pants zipper. I groaned in response, my lips still locked with hers. As her hand slid between us to frantically tear at my buttons, I caught it and held it over my chest... over my heart. When she tried to speed up our kiss, I cupped her nape with my other hand to hold her still so I could slow it back down and continue my leisurely exploration of her mouth.
I pulled away to find her gazing at me, confusion and uncertainty clouding her eyes. That made me feel awful because I knew she was wondering why I wasn’t going at her like a wild animal by now. Our lovemaking was typically frenzied... as if we were trying to run from our past with the help of the wild passion that tended to flare between us. It hit me that that’s what I’d been doing the entire time.
Not tonight… Tonight, I’d take my time and face the frightening emotions of love, that I realized never went anywhere, and uncertainty about trying with her again.
“How about we slow things down this time?” I asked, cupping her face and showing more affection than I'd been willing to show until now.
Olivia gulped and nodded. “Okay…”
Taking her hand, I led her to my bedroom.
As we stood in the middle of my bedroom with our eyes locked in a heated gaze, that fierce need built between us. Still, I kept things slow. I reached up to brush a loose strand of hair from her face, my fingers grazing her soft skin. She let out a soft sigh as her eyes fluttered closed.
I took the chance to study her intently... maybe to somehow see if she’d be willing to do what I was thinking about doing. Give us another chance. Of course, my logical self reminded me that it was something I’d have to ask her... not wait to see.
Her eyes opened and I returned my attention to the task at hand. I found the zipper of her dress and tugged it down. As she stood before me in just her panties, my gaze roamed appreciatively over her, taking in every dip and curve.
Eyes connected with mine, Olivia reached for the buttons of my shirt. She didn’t tear at them this time. Instead, she undid each one slowly, making me burn with anticipation.
When we were both in our underwear, I stepped out of mine and knelt at her feet to help her out of the heels she still had on. Wearing a tiny smile, she rested a hand on my shoulder for support while I took the shoes off as if she were a goddess and I were her loyal worshiper. Princess Olivia always had a way of bringing me to my knees, didn’t she?
Gazing up at her, my fingers traced the edge of her lace panties, slowly teasing her. I smiled when her breath hitched and she arched her hips closer to my touch. I loved how responsive she was to my slightest touch. My fingers slid under the lace and slowly pulled it down her legs, exposing her to my hungry gaze.
Her breathing sped up as she watched me stare at the tempting flesh between her thighs while still on my knees.
“Alex…” Her voice was husky with need.
“Tell me what you need, Liv,” I purred. Hearing her say it would send my arousal skyrocketing for sure.
“I need... you… ” she breathed.
There was something like desperation underlying her words but not the sensual kind. It sounded more like... anguish. Or maybe I heard wrong… Just as I glanced up at her in askance, she threaded her fingers in my hair and said, “I mean, I need you inside me.”
Since I burned with need too, I stood up and without a word, picked her up and carried her to bed. The way her body wrapped around mine… we fitted perfectly as if we completed each other. I lay her down gently and fitted myself between her legs to kiss her with the love that had been rekindled during the last few weeks.
Breaking away, I trailed my lips down her body and she writhed and moaned as her hands moved over my skin. However, when I reached her stomach, she stiffened. Noting the change in her, I paused and looked up to find her staring at me with eyes full of panic.
Perplexed, I asked, “What’s wrong? ”
Her cheeks flushed. “Nothing… I just can’t wait any longer…”
“Greedy girl,” I hummed as I made my way back up her body. “I never could deny what my princess needs.”
Her blush intensified, but she pulled me to her and wrapped her legs around my waist.
I needed no further invitation, and I captured her lips in a heated kiss as I slowly entered her. My movements were slow as I savored the feeling of her body against mine and the way her tight sheath welcomed and held on to me. I felt completely consumed by her, and I didn’t hate it.
Her hips began to move with mine and her soft moans made me lose the hold I had on my control. As much as I wanted the moment to last, to keep the intimate connection, I couldn’t hold on any longer. That was what Olivia did to me. She robbed me of my control and made me succumb to her completely.
The intensity of my emotions mixed with the sensations of being connected to her like this was almost overwhelming and that spark of fear flickered to life. Would I always be wary of her hurting me again? I buried my face in her neck to breathe in her scent, and it helped me push aside the worry clawing its way to the surface. This moment and a possible future together was what I wanted to focus on.
Olivia’s arms tightened around me and my groan of satisfaction was muffled since my nose was still buried between her neck and shoulder. The way she held onto me, with that touch of possessiveness, made me hopeful that perhaps she was thinking about us together again as I was. Her nails dug into my skin as her walls tightened around me.
“You’re close,” I whispered in her ear.
She held me tighter and moaned in response .
“Let go, Liv. I’ve got you.” I wanted to tell her I didn’t mean just in that moment, but hopefully, every day moving forward.
She gasped and then she fell apart in my arms. I held her trembling frame as I let go too. I plunged into the ecstasy of an orgasm and also into the terrifying decision to forgive Olivia and move on from my past hurt to be with her.
Reluctantly, I pulled away and collapsed beside her. For a while, we lay there, catching our breaths until I couldn’t bear not to touch her. I pulled her against me and planted a kiss on the top of her head as she curled up at my side. I felt more relaxed, basking in the afterglow of pleasure, even as I geared up to tell Olivia what was on my mind. However, I felt her entire body tense. It was as if the relaxant named sex had worn off.
Although I had sensed the change in her, I was surprised when she shuffled out of my arms and sat up. I gazed at her with furrowed eyebrows. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“N-nothing… I just…” She cleared her throat and let out a little laugh but I didn't detect any humor in it. “What was that all about?”
“What was what all about…?” I watched her closely with concern because the color was seeping out of her face.
“You know…” She waved a hand. “You were more affectionate than usual. You just…”
Held her as if she was something precious to me again… That’s because she was. However, I didn’t come right out and say it because that uncertainty had reared its head.
“You know what?” she said. “It doesn’t matter. It was just sex as usual.”
“Well, Liv…” I sat up and rubbed the back of my neck. All I had to do was tell her that she was wrong and that I wasn’t sure wh en it happened but things became more than just sex between us at some point.
“We can’t do this anymore,” she whispered.
I froze. “What?”
Tortured eyes collided with mine but quickly skated away. “We can’t do this anymore. This… us… I mean…” She took a deep breath. “We should have never gotten here, Alex.” She waved to encompass my bedroom and us in bed. “It was a bad idea, and I can’t do it anymore.”
I gawked at her because there I was gathering the courage to tell her that I wanted more with her and she was ready to end things. It was like a full circle moment. I’d tumbled back into love with her, but it was one-sided.
“It’s all gotten too messy.”
Her words penetrated my hazy mind, which had taken a trip back to the night she dumped me. I blinked to bring her back into focus as she scrambled off the bed and scurried to her dress that was on the floor.
When she stepped into the garment, I fully snapped out of my trance of disbelief. Maybe she’d gotten freaked out about our intimacy. I had to give her grace because I’d freaked out multiple times since we started sleeping together.
“I know things have gotten complicated,” I said evenly.
“Beyond complicated,” she muttered as she clutched her stomach.
I stared at her hand with mild confusion. Maybe she was feeling sick again. “Are you feeling okay?” I asked.
She nodded, but somehow I knew she was lying.
I sighed. “Okay, then get back here and let’s talk.
“About what?”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Holy hell. It was like fear had gotten a hold of my tongue. My gaze skated away from her, and I blew out a long breath.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “We can’t do this anymore.”
“If you’d just give me a minute to?—”
“No.” She shook her head vehemently. “We can’t keep pretending that we don’t have a fucked up history. It’s time we redrew the lines between us, Alex.” Her voice had risen to that high pitch that told me she was hanging onto her composure by a thread.
“I know a lot has happened between us.”
I slid out of bed and took a step toward her. However, I stopped when she took a retreating step with her hands held up as if she expected me to attack her. What was her deal?
Swallowing my annoyance, I continued gently, “But we’ll figure things out.”
“There’s nothing to figure out. There’s no point in pretending that you’re not out to destroy my entire life and that you don’t…” She swallowed. “That we still don’t hate each other. We should just uncomplicate things and go back to being enemies, Alex, because there’s nothing at all between us. There is no us .”
I stood there frozen while my veins practically hardened and turned to ice.
“There is no us.” Those were the words she had thrown at me nine years ago when I begged her to stop and think about us, about what we had. And did she just admit to still hating me? I took a step back as if I’d been slapped.
She had some nerve hating me. I was the one who had every right to hate her! I was such a fool to fall back into the same pathetic position.
She was breaking up with me again… and we weren’t even together! What the actual fuck? !
Scrubbing a hand over my face, I laughed. However, it was a sound of sheer disbelief. “I can’t believe this is happening,” I said, shaking my head as I stared up at the ceiling. When I looked at Olivia again, those same feelings of resentment that I was willing to put aside swamped me. My voice dropped to a cold hard tone. “And there she is.”
Olivia eyed me warily as she slid her feet into her shoes. “What are you talking about?”
“The same bitch who discarded me like I was nothing once she got what she wanted out of me. I wondered how long it would take for her to make an appearance.”
Her eyes flashed with hurt. “No… This isn’t like that. I’m just trying to protect…” Her voice quaver. “I never discarded you.”
I snorted. “You were absolutely right, Liv. There’s nothing between us. We should stop sleeping together now. It’s time I got some fresh ass in my bed anyway.”
The little color left in her face disappeared as we stared at each other.
“What?” I snarled. “Did you expect me to beg you to stay like I did the last time? I’m no longer twenty-one and stupid .”
Her eyes—which I still found so beautiful— glistened with moisture. A single tear escaped and slid down her cheek. “I know you don’t believe me, Alex, but I’m so sorry I hurt you all those years ago. You never deserved it. I understand why you want to hurt me back, and I forgive you for everything you’ve done and anything you’re going to do.” Her lips twisted into the saddest smile I’d ever seen. “I guess I deserve everything coming to me. I hope one day you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me too.”
My eyes widened in disbelief as she turned and walked out. I expected more of a fight from her. A heated argument would have given me the go-ahead to really let her have it—to verbalize all the rage and hurt that just resurfaced and tell her what a terrible person she was for breaking my heart and for stepping on it some more nine years later.
What I didn’t expect was forgiveness, an apology, and what looked like defeat. Olivia Brentwood, the ice princess, looked as if the fight had left her, and I felt no satisfaction. I felt as if I had still lost. I held it together all of five seconds before my emotions got the better of me. I let out a frustrated growl as I swatted the bedside lamp, sending it crashing to the floor. I stared at the shattered pieces on the carpet thinking how symbolic the picture was. That was me… in emotional pieces… scattered all over the place.