23. Shattered Peace
23
SHATTERED PEACE
L ux
The anxious feeling in my chest grew the closer Jasmine got to my parents’ house. I was having difficulty breathing by the time she pulled into the driveway, but the anxiety released a little when I realized Brinley’s car wasn’t there. She wasn’t home. Neither was my dad, but Mom’s car was parked in its regular spot.
My shoulders slumped in relief. At least I wouldn’t have to face Brinley immediately. Since I was moving up north, Jasmine convinced me to leave most of my camping gear in the shed there. All I had with me was my bag of clothes and toiletries.
I took a steadying breath, preparing myself for the battle I was sure would ensue.
“Let me know if you want to hitch a ride back with me. I talked to Des, and he said you could move in whenever.”
“I appreciate it, but I still have a lot to do here,” I reminded her. But I also wasn’t about to close myself off to the idea. If Brinley was unbearable, I’d tie up things quickly and leave sooner.
“Okay, good luck,” Jasmine said, reaching across the console and hugging me tight. “I can’t wait until we’re roomies. In the meantime, try not to let the wicked witch get to you.”
I got out of the car and watched Jasmine back out of the driveway before I spurred into action, walking through the expansive house in a quest to find my mom.
She was in the back sunroom, reading a fashion magazine and listening to music. I opened the sliding door and stepped outside, and she lifted her head in surprise.
“Oh, Lux! You’re home. How was your trip?” she asked.
“It was really good, actually. I had a lot of fun,” I told her, sitting down across from her at the glass patio table.
“Meet anyone worth noting?” she asked, a playful grin on her still youthful lips. Mom’s appearance was enhanced by plastic surgery—a little Botox here and there, some lip fillers to plump things up. She didn’t shy away from plastic surgery, but she also didn’t want it to be a noticeable thing she did.
“Well, I did meet a great guy. All of Jasmine’s friends were great, actually—”
“Oh, tell me more about this great guy. What’s his name?” Mom was relentless when she got a whiff of interesting information. “I knew you met someone when you extended your stay.”
“His name is Theo,” I replied. I didn’t want to reveal too much to her, that we’d started sort of dating, and I didn’t want to let it slip that I’d be living next door to him when I moved in with Jasmine. Instead, I opted to change the subject. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, looking toward our manicured backyard. “Has Brinley been home?”
“She’s supposed to be back sometime today from her trip with her friends. She’s been on a yacht the last few days, lucky girl,” Mom replied, smiling and shaking her head ruefully.
“So…you haven’t seen much of her?”
“Not lately, why? Is everything okay between you two?” Mom asked, her brows creasing, not that a wrinkle appeared on her perfect brow.
“No, not really,” I sighed.
“What’s going on?” Mom sat back in her chair, her eyes narrowing with suspicion. My stomach tightened with anxiety, but Jasmine was right. I couldn’t keep my parents in the dark about Brinley’s latest antics. They’d end up finding out eventually, especially if she continued to carry on the way she was online.
Neither of my parents had social media, but some of their friends did. Sooner or later, it would get back to them. I took a deep breath, preparing myself.
“She’s been seeing Scott.”
Mom blinked. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you right. Scott, as in…your ex-boyfriend Scott?”
“Yeah. Turns out Scott was cheating on me with Brinley. She was kind enough to tell me before I came home for the summer, but she’s still seeing him.”
Mom’s mouth opened and closed several times while she absorbed this information. “Oh, honey…I’m sorry, I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“It’s all over her social media,” I looked down at the table. “Everyone knows. I’m surprised it hasn’t gotten back to you guys already. Besides, I wasn’t sure what telling you would do. Brinley’s going to do whatever Brinley wants to do. And what Brinley wants to do is hurt me, however and whenever she can.”
Mom put her hand on my forearm. “You know that’s not true, your sister loves you, she just—”
“Mom, she willingly slept with my boyfriend, then sent me a picture of herself in bed with him. She sends me regular videos and stories of herself draped over him. If that’s Brinley’s version of love, I don’t want anything to do with it.” My voice shook and my hands trembled, my heart cracking with the power behind revealing this aching truth.
Mom looked stricken by my words. I don’t know what hurt her more, to hear how Brinley was acting, or to hear me saying I didn’t want anything to do with it or with her.
“Let me talk to her, I’m sure I can get to the bottom of this. It’s a big misunderstanding. You said you and Scott had drifted apart years ago, so—”
“Seriously?” I interrupted, staring at her in bewilderment. “You’re going to tell me it’s okay she did that because Scott and I drifted apart?”
“No, that’s not what I meant,” Mom said, frazzled. “I think there’s something more going on behind the scenes for your sister to act this way. She’s never done anything like this to you before.”
“She’s done thousands of microaggressions towards me over the years, Mom, and I’m done. I can’t handle it anymore, and I shouldn’t have to. If we weren’t sisters, if Brinley was some acquaintance or friend from school doing the things she’s done to me over the years, your advice would be very different right now. Our familial ties don’t mean that I have to forgive her for purposely being toxic and cruel.”
Mom listened, her lips trembling a little. “I know you’ve tried to talk to us in the past about Brinley’s…. mental health, and I’m sorry for shutting you down when you did. Over the last few years that you’ve been at college, I’ve noticed the things you tried to warn us about. Your sister does have some issues, and as a family we need to help her work through it. I know she’s hurt you, but please, don’t give up on her yet.”
I paused, not expecting that. “I’m not going to give up on her, Mom. But I do need to distance myself. I can’t be a target for her aggression anymore. I’m going to be moving out.”
Mom looked surprised by my announcement; as surprised as she could look with Botox. “Where are you moving to?”
“Sudbury. Jasmine’s looking for a new roommate. I’ll be moving in with her,” I answered, my eyes meeting hers. “There are some opportunities for me there.”
“But you have opportunities here too, Lux. I thought you were going to apply to work with your dad at the hospital.”
“I thought about it, but rents are high in Toronto. It’s more affordable up north, and there are plenty of hospitals and clinics for me to find work at,” I answered, leaving out the main one: I didn’t exactly want to work in the same hospital as my father. I’d always wonder if I’d landed the job on my own or if he’d had a hand in things. He had a lot of sway at the hospital, with his position and his seniority. His hospital was the only one in Toronto I hadn’t even bothered applying at.
Plus, the rents in Toronto really were high. They were high everywhere down south, but worse in Toronto. If I stayed, it’d be a long time before I could afford my own apartment. I’d have to live at home until then, and I couldn’t fathom doing that.
“Does this boy, Theo, live in the area?” Mom asked.
“He does, but that’s not why I’m moving,” I replied.
“Mmhmm,” Mom tsked with disbelief, giving me a secretive smile. “You know, things moved fast for your father and I, too.”
“This isn’t about him,” I frowned, a little frustrated she was conflating the two things. “This is about me, needing to put distance between me and Brinley, and getting on with my life.” My reminder wiped the smile off my mother’s face, and she sighed.
“I know,” her shoulders slumped. “I’ll try to talk to Brinley about it.”
* * *
A few hours later, I was in my bedroom sitting on my bed, my laptop open in front of me as I searched the job postings in Sudbury. I applied for three: one at the hospital, and two at different clinics. I also applied at a few restaurants to make sure I had something lined up for when I moved.
I could always work temporarily at a restaurant until something came up in my field, but I was optimistic. I had to be. I reminded myself that I had a great resumé and many recommendations from my professors and the place I’d done my co-op at.
Halfway through submitting another application, my bedroom door banged open. I looked up, not at all surprised to see Brinley lingering in the doorway. She was the only one that didn’t bother knocking before she burst in. My fingers tightened into a fist at my side, and I tried to control my breathing—keep it even and steady even as I seethed at the sight of her.
Brinley smiled smugly. “Home from your little ‘roughing it’ trip so soon?” Her tone was sickly sweet, with an undercurrent of poison. “I was hoping you’d get eaten by a bear.”
“Sorry to let you down, I guess,” I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Is there a purpose for your disturbance?”
“Is there a purpose for you telling on me?” Brinley retorted, crossing her arms and leaning against the doorframe, her eyes narrowed into slits.
“Oh, was it supposed to be a secret? I couldn’t tell, what with the non-stop posting you’ve been doing on social media.”
“Admit it, you’re jealous and bitter Scott wanted me over you.”
“I don’t care about Scott, Brinley. Not even a little bit,” I sighed deeply, closing my laptop. “What I care about is how cruel you are to me. We’re sisters, we’re supposed to have each other’s backs and yet you slept with my boyfriend, sent me pictures, and bragged about it everywhere you could.”
“ Ex- boyfriend,” Brinley corrected smugly. “He’s my boyfriend now.”
“But he was my boyfriend when you went after him,” I reminded her. “And again, this isn’t even about Scott, I don’t care about him. I cared about you. What sister does that? It was disgusting and beyond cruel.”
Brinley’s expression changed subtly at my last sentence, but she threw up her walls as quickly as I noticed the change. “Oh, get over yourself, Lux. You were done with him years before he took an interest in me. You just dragged him along because you didn’t have anything better waiting for you.”
I shook my head, appalled at her reasoning—if it could be called that. “Even if our relationship had run its course, you shouldn’t have done what you did. I think deep down, you know that.”
“You should be thanking me!” Brinley exclaimed. She laughed darkly before continuing. “If I hadn’t forced you to let go, you’d still have your claws in him, and he’d still be miserable with you. I make him happy.”
“But do you make yourself happy, Brin?” I asked sadly.
My sister blinked as if she was forcing my question away. “You bored him,” she continued with a sneer, stepping into my room. “I don’t. And you can’t stand that someone prefers me to you—finally.”
“I really do hope you find the happiness you so desperately seek, and I hope that one day, you won’t tear others down in your quest to find it.” I told her.
Brinley scoffed, rolling her eyes again. “Whatever.” When she finally stomped out of my room, I closed the door behind her, leaning against it. My heart still felt battered and bruised, more so from her than anything with Scott.
The interaction left me feeling even more like my decision was the right one.
Dinner only solidified things for me. When Mom called us down, Dad was finally home from the hospital. Brinley was the last to join us. She gave me a smug look as she pulled out her chair.
Mom didn’t bring up the news I’d dropped on her earlier, and neither did Brinley. It was like neither one of them wanted to fill Dad in on the Scott thing. Halfway through dinner, I couldn’t take the silence anymore.
“Dad, are you able to come with me to the dealership this week? I need to get a car.” Even before I’d decided to move to Sudbury, I knew I’d have to go car shopping. Now that I had finished college, I’d need a reliable mode of transportation to get to whatever job I landed.
“Sorry, sweetie. I’m pretty busy the next few weeks with surgeries and clinicals. Could your mother take you?”
I’d read somewhere that car salesmen always tried to swindle women. My mom didn’t know much about vehicles, and neither did I. She was also more gullible than my father, and didn’t really care about the cost of things the way he did.
“I could take you,” Mom smiled at me across the table, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“Yeah, I guess that’s fine.” I’d have to do my research beforehand and make sure I knew what I was going in for and what I was willing to pay.
Brinley rolled her eyes, pushing her food around on her plate and barely eating any of the chicken piccata Maria had prepared in advance for us. It was one of her best dishes, but the tension coating the room made it taste dull.
“I don’t know if Mom mentioned it yet, but I’ll be moving out at the end of the month,” I informed my dad. Brinley’s brows furrowed and she shot me a dirty look.
“Oh, did you get a job?” Dad asked, his red brow arching.
“Not exactly, but there are a few opportunities for me up north. I’ll be moving in with Jasmine.”
“You shouldn’t move without a job secured.” Dad shook his head, like he was going to tell me no.
“I’m an adult, if I want to move I can. With or without a job. It’s not like I’m asking you to foot any of my bills.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Brinley demanded, crossing her arms and scowling at me.
Even though it wasn’t meant as a dig at my sister, Brinley took it that way because she expected my father to foot all of her bills. She didn’t work, outside of her social media influencing. Our father still paid her phone bill, her car payment, and anything else she needed or wanted.
Sometimes, Dad would tell Brinley to get a real job, but the fight that’d follow his suggestion was never worth it. Brinley would accuse him of not supporting her the way he supported me—because Dad had covered the things bursaries and scholarships hadn’t for my higher education.
“It means I’m not expecting our parents to cover my expenses, Brin. I can manage them myself.”
“Wow,” Brinley said, taking my response as a personal insult to her.
“Respectfully, this isn’t about you or your feelings.” I deadpanned, looking straight at her.
“Now, Lux. That was a little harsh,” Mom interjected. She frowned at me, like I was being unnecessarily cruel or causing unmerited drama.
“I don’t see how it was. I’m stating facts. If that hurts her feelings, that’s on her, not me. I’m not going to apologize for living my life anymore.” I felt a tangible sense of relief once the words spilled from my lips.
“Girls, what’s going on?” Dad asked, his brow furrowed as he took in the tension. Brinley was shooting daggers at me with her eyes, and Mom was sending me a beseeching look, silently begging me not to involve him further.
The knots in my stomach twisted with anxiety and disappointment. I dropped my eyes to my plate, feeling utterly disparaged. I don’t know what I’d hoped to happen after the conversation I had with my mom earlier, but to see that she was still desperately trying to sweep things under the rug stung.
“A lot is going on, Dad, but I’ll let Brinley or Mom fill you in. I’ve lost my appetite. Can I be excused?”
“No, you can’t. Not until you girls tell me what’s happening here.” Dad’s voice was full of authority, leaving no room for argument.
“Nothing’s going on, Daddy,” Brinley said, her eyes wide with innocence. I scoffed, rolling my eyes.
“I think the girls are having some difficulties adjusting to living together again. They’ll work it out,” Mom said, sending Dad a reassuring smile.
“Really?” I demanded, looking right at my mom. She shook her head, her lips pursed like she was disappointed in me . “This right here, this is why I’m moving before I have a job. Because I’d rather start over somewhere new on my own than have to deal with this situation any longer.”
“What situation?!” Dad exclaimed, clearly confused.
“Brinley going out of her way to harm me, Mom excusing it and acting like it’s a simple misunderstanding. I’m tired of pretending everything is perfect because that’s what Mom wants. This family has serious issues and I’m done being the scapegoat.”
I pushed my chair out and took my plate to the kitchen, letting it clatter on the counter before retreating to my bedroom. From the stairwell, I could hear my mother working overtime to soothe things over and act like everything was fine.
In my bedroom, I started pacing and pulled my phone out, noticing that I had several missed text messages from both Jasmine and Theo.
Theo: Hey, checking in to make sure you got home safely.
Jasmine: How’s it going over there? Need a rescue yet?
I replied to Theo first.
I’ve arrived home safe and sound.
Pff, if I could call it that. Then I texted Jasmine, filling her in on the latest.
Jasmine: You know my family won’t mind if you crash Camellia’s party. You’re practically one of us.
Me: You know what? You’re right. I can’t be here anymore, especially after that dinner.
Jasmine: Be there in fifteen.
While I waited, I packed my large roller luggage bag with all the clothes and essentials I’d need. I’d have to come back at some point for the rest of it, but I made sure to pack enough clothes that I could go a few weeks before I needed to do that. I packed a change of clothes for tomorrow and some pajamas in my overnight bag, attaching it to the bar of my luggage bag.
My eyes burned with unshed tears as I packed, but I refused to cry. I didn’t want Brinley to catch me vulnerable.
Tucking my phone charger in the front pocket of my bag, I moved over to my bed to put my laptop away in my laptop bag. I tossed the strap over my shoulder and grabbed the handle of my luggage bag before turning toward the door and leaving.
My phone buzzed with another text from Jasmine, telling me she was waiting in the driveway for me. I descended the stairs with my things.
Dad came out into the foyer when he heard me, his eyes widening with surprise when he saw all my luggage.
“Where are you going, Lux?”
“I’m sorry, Dad. I love you, but I can’t be here anymore. I can’t handle how toxic Brinley is, or how Mom constantly excuses every shitty thing she’s done to me and expects me to act like everything’s fine and dandy. I’m done. Jasmine’s waiting for me in the driveway, I’ll be back in a couple of weeks to get the rest of my things.”
I didn’t wait for him to say anything else; I opened the door and left.