why do i act like this?
Chance's POV:
I could always tell when Guest had a bad night.
Didn't take a genius to figure it out. He walked heavier in the mornings, like the weight of whatever ghosts haunted him hadn't lifted with sleep. Not that he ever really slept—not properly, anyway.
This morning was no different. I heard him stir before I saw him, the creak of the cabin floorboards giving him away.
When he stepped into the main room, his shoulders were tight, his face unreadable in that way that only meant one thing—he was trying too hard to make it seem like nothing was wrong.
I flipped the coin between my fingers, letting the familiar motion ground me. I didn't say anything at first, just let the silence stretch between us.
Guest didn't like being pushed. But that didn't mean I wouldn't poke.
His eyes met mine. Sharp. Guarded.
- "Don't start."
I smirked, flicking the coin into the air.
- "Didn't say a word, soldier boy."
He rolled his eyes, heading straight for the table like he was hoping to avoid conversation entirely. Tough luck. I pushed off the wall and made my way over, taking my time.
- "Sleep well?"
He shot me a dry look, the kind that barely needed words to get his point across.
- "What do you think?"
Yeah, thought so.
I flipped the coin again, watching the way his jaw tensed, the way his fingers curled just a little too tightly into his palms. He was unraveling, little by little, but he didn't want to admit it.
- "You keep carrying the weight of the world like it's your job, but it's not."
He scoffed at that, like the idea of not shouldering everything himself was so ridiculous it didn't even deserve consideration.
- "And what, you're offering to help?"
- "Hell no." I smirked, slipping the coin into my pocket. "I'm just saying you could lighten the load. Y'know. If you weren't so damn stubborn."
He exhaled through his nose, shaking his head like I wasn't worth the argument.
- "Noted."
I should've let it go. I knew that. But as I walked away, something gnawed at the back of my mind. Something I wasn't ready to name yet.
I went outside, needing a breather. Needing something to pull me out of my own head. I found Elliot and Two Time talking by the steps. Elliot noticed me first, waving me over.
- "Hi, friend, how are you doing?" He smiled, easy and bright, like he hadn't just been arguing with Two Time about whatever nonsense cult talk he had going on.
I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck.
- "It's fine, I guess. What about you?" I gave him my usual charming smile, but my heart wasn't in it.
- "Decent, I guess. Two Time tried to convince me to join his cult again." He chuckled breathlessly but stopped soon after, motioning behind me.
Guest.
Leaning against the railing, staring into the fog like he could find answers there. Like he wanted to disappear into it.
Before I even thought about it, I was walking toward him.
- "Didn't think you'd actually come outside, soldier boy." I smiled, slipping back into the usual rhythm.
- "Didn't think you'd still be hanging around."
I leaned against the railing beside him, flipping the coin between my fingers.
- "What can I say? I'm invested in your emotional well-being."
He huffed a dry laugh.
- "Bullshit."
- "Yeah, alright, that was a lie."
Silence settled between us, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It never really was—not with him.
And that's when it hit me.
The way I always noticed when something was wrong. The way I always found myself watching him, lingering longer than I should. The way his silence never felt heavy, never felt wrong, like it did with other people.
This thing between us—this push and pull, the sharp edges and the quiet moments—I cared. More than I should. More than I had ever meant to.
Guest wasn't just some guy I enjoyed messing with. Wasn't just a puzzle I wanted to solve.
He was—
Fuck.
I gave a quiet sigh, spinning the coin between my fingers, grounding myself in the motion.
- "Y'know, 007's got a point."
- "Not you too."
- "Relax, I'm not here to lecture." I flicked the coin up, watching it catch the light before I caught it. "Just saying... shutting everyone out? Not exactly a long-term solution."
- "Yeah? And what do you suggest?"
- "I dunno. Maybe actually letting people help instead of brooding in corners like some tragic war hero."
He let out a humorless laugh, but there was something frayed in the edges of it. Something tired.
- "You think it's that simple?"
- "Didn't say it was. But you make it harder than it needs to be." I caught the coin one last time, holding it between my fingers as I looked at him.
And this time, I really looked.
The tired set of his shoulders. The lines of exhaustion he tried to hide. The way he always stood like he was waiting for the next fight, even when there wasn't one.
I wanted—
Fuck.
I wanted to fix it. Wanted to shake him until he understood he didn't have to do this alone. Wanted to be the one he trusted enough to lean on.
And that? That wasn't just friendship. That wasn't just looking out for a guy on my team.
That was something else entirely.
- "Look, man. I don't care if you want to keep being a stubborn bastard about it. But the fact is, you're not alone."
He didn't say anything.
Didn't have to.
I knew him well enough to know when something hit deeper than he wanted it to.
- "And whether you like it or not? We're not going anywhere."
I turned, walking away before he could call my bluff. Before I could second-guess what I'd just admitted—not to him, but to myself.
Because the truth was?
I didn't just care about Guest.
I wanted him..