Chapter 56
Calvin
Returning to the routine I have known my whole life is more difficult than I had anticipated. I want nothing more than to fall back into what I know, but I don’t feel the same anymore. I don’t feel like myself. Whatever I thought mattered, doesn’t. I no longer wish to pursue a life where I am molding myself into the version that others want from me. This internal shift is scaring the shit out of me because on the other side of this is a different life. One where I can’t anticipate the outcome.
And Nikita is the reason. That infuriating, sharp-tongued, challenging, achingly beautiful woman. My curiosity for a life with her completely overruled anything else. I am terrified of diving head first into the unknown, but I also know I am not ready to let her go.
I sit in my office, mulling over the meeting set with my directors in the next few minutes. I have spent months and months investing my time and energy into fighting for the promotion I wanted. But now as I sit here, glancing around my dull office, I want out.
Up until now, I have followed a carefully laid out blueprint for my life imposed by the expectations from those around me and my own internal expectations. With this example, Violet pushed me to fight for the promotion of Senior Project Manager. That would mean more money and a better title to throw around in society. One that is clearly important for me to have - for her. I, on the other hand, wasn’t interested in that in the first place.
But I played the role that was required of me. Everything I had done over the last three years was to make Violet happy and suit the lifestyle she so desperately craved. More than half of my salary went towards rent on the Upper East Side because she wanted to live here. The only other person I have come across with that much desperation for status in society was my father. It’s a connection I didn’t put together sooner, but I should have.
My father’s desperation for that life influenced his every decision. He didn’t care what corners he had to cut to get there, but he’s been paying the price for it.
“Calvin, Mr Jacobs is ready for you,” his assistant, Samantha says as she sticks her head in my office.
“I’ll be right there.” Rising to my feet, I close the two buttons of my suit jacket and straighten up, ready to see what is about to unfold. I leave my office with no idea what I am going to do next.
But when I take a seat in the boardroom with Mr Jacobs and two other board members across from me, my mind is made up.
Mr Jacobs speaks first. “We’ve concluded our interviews for the Senior Project Management position. This was a conversation we were hoping to have had before you went on leave, but now that you’re officially back, we’d like to get straight to the point.” He slides a blue folder across the table to me, “We’d like to finalize the specifics of your new position.”
I glance between the folder and Mr Jacobs, “I got the position?”
Mr Jacobs nods. “Yes and we’d like to move as quickly as possible with this shift. You’ll need to make a recommendation for who you think would be best to take over from you.” He taps the folder with his finger. “This contract outlines everything we have discussed. Please look over it carefully. You are welcome to have your lawyer do the same.” He leans back in his chair, clasping his hands together, “Any questions?”
Opening the blue folder in front of me, I glance down at my name on the contract. I thought about this moment for months, but now that it has arrived, I can’t proceed. I am about to throw a spanner in their works and pull the most unlikely Calvin move in my entire life.
Closing the folder again, I clasp my hands together. “Mr Jacobs, your efforts around this are appreciated, but I regret to inform you that I can’t accept this promotion because I…quit.”
My boss’s eyes widen, the other two directors mirroring his reaction. “I beg your pardon?”
“I realize that this will come as a surprise, but I can’t, in good conscience, accept this promotion.” I slide the folder back over to him.
“Mr Rhodes, I ask that you reconsider.” Mr Jacobs fails to hide the disbelief in his voice. “Forgive my confusion, but we had spent weeks discussing this promotion.”
I nod. “I understand that, but truthfully sir, this is no longer what I want.” I shift my seat back and get to my feet. “I want to thank you for the opportunity to work at this company over the last few years, and I wish you nothing but the best with your continued growth.” Walking over to where he sits, I extended my hand. He eyes my hand, processing my sudden announcement. I can’t blame him. The thoughts were in my mind, but I never believed I would actually go through with it.
It is fucking exhilarating.
Mr Jacobs extends his hand. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Mr Rhodes.”
“I do.”
When I leave the office, I am overcome with a new sense of purpose. Taking the leap to quit is the most spontaneous, albeit idiotic, thing I have done. Quitting without having something already lined up? Madness.
And yet, I am not afraid. I was finally seeing things clearly.
I stop by my car, dialing Jay’s number. He answered on the second ring. “Hey, Jay, you got a sec?”
“Not really, Rhodes. I’m about to-”
“I’ll be quick then.” Here goes nothing. “I think I’m in love with your sister.”
My words are met with silence before Jay finally speaks again, “You think you’re in love with my sister?”
“Yes.”
Jay’s laughter comes through the phone, “And when do you think you’ll know for sure?”
“Hopefully later today.” Unlocking my door, I slip inside, “I need you to do your friend a solid and give me your dad’s address, please.”
“Who are you at what have you done with Calvin Rhodes? Shouldn’t you be at work?”
Pulling my seatbelt across my body, I answer, “No. I quit.”
“Meu deus, have you lost your mind?”
This time I laugh as I turn my car on, the call automatically connects to it. “No. I’m seeing things clearly for the first time in my life.”
There is another beat. “Is this real for you, Cal?” Jay asks cautiously, “No bullshit.”
“No bullshit, Jay.” I take a deep breath in before elaborating, “I didn’t know anything different until Nikita. I’ve been losing my mind without her, and I know she’s tried to push me away but I won’t go. Not until she knows how I really feel. If she decides then that she doesn’t feel the same then fine, I’ll leave her alone, but I have to tell her.”
“Foda-se, I did not see this coming.”
Taking off down the street, I feel a smile on my lips, “Join the club.”
After a brief pause, he speaks again, “I’ll send you the address.”
* * *
I go straightto the airport after I leave my office (my old office), getting on the first flight out. By the time my Uber stops outside the address Jay gave me, it has just passed seven-thirty in the evening. A voice inside of me tries to get me to see the error of my ways, but my anticipation to see Nikita again quickly silences him.
Thanking my driver, I step out of the car, taking in the small suburban area stacked with houses stretching across the street. There is something nostalgic about the neighborhood. It is oddly welcoming.
Pulling my suit jacket back on, the reality of my decisions weigh over me. The most surprising thing about this is how exhilarating this has been. Who knew impromptu decisions can have this reaction? I may have been wasting so much time and experiences with my carefully meticulous decision-making.
I stare up at the double story, cream-colored house in front of me. Nikita’s family home. Taking a deep breath in, I give myself a quick pep talk before heading towards the front door. Before I can take a step, I hear her voice.
“Calvin?”
Turning to the side, there Nikita stands with confusion on her face. She is breathing heavily but with her matching bright pink gym set consisting of a sports bra and leggings, along with her tied-up hair and pink cheeks. She had to have been running.
“Hi.”
She starts laughing but remains where she is, keeping some distance between us. “What the hell are you doing here?”
I straighten up. Show time. “I need to speak with you.”
“You came all the way here to speak to me?”
“Well, since you don’t answer any of my calls or text messages, you didn’t leave me with much of a choice, did you?”
“How did you know where to find me?” She asks, but already figures it out. “Jo?o. He told you, didn’t he?”
“Yes. He’s the more helpful sibling.” A subtle shake of her head accompanies her eye roll. Such a reaction isn’t meant to thrill me as much as it does, but when it’s Nikita, logic ceases to exist.
“He’ll be hearing from me about that,” she mutters before taking a deep breath in, “You can’t be here right now. I came here to get away.”
“No, you ran away.”
“I did not.”
“You and I both know you did.” I slowly start to move towards her. “Now, I have some things I need to say to you and you’re going to listen.” She cocks an eyebrow at me, but I don’t care. “You are infuriating, Nikita. Probably the most infuriating woman I have ever come across. You annoy me so much, you never know when to shut up-”
She crosses her arms and asks dryly, “Is there a compliment in there?”
“Case in point.” I step closer. “You push my buttons, there is no one out there that has the ability to do that quite the way you do. You challenge me. That damn mouth of yours can get you into a lot of trouble.” The proximity between us is closing, but she doesn’t move. My eyes drop over her, taking her in before meeting her gaze once more. “You’re smart, sexy, and so fucking beautiful it hurts.”
Her eyebrow drops along with her crossed arms. She peers up at me, a swarm of emotion in her eyes. I am itching to touch her, to kiss her, but I’m not finished. My tone softens, “I’ve never laughed with someone the way I do with you.” Her faint cocoa-butter scent brushing up my airwaves, taking me back to all the moments I had her wrapped around me. “You make me think and give me a new perspective on things. On life.” I reach for her hand, needing to touch her. “I know you’re afraid to let anyone in - to let me in but I’m here, Nikita.” My fingers wrap around her hand as I step forward, closing whatever proximity is left between us. “No matter how much I try, I can’t seem to get you out of my head.” I shake my head. “I tried. I tried to go back to the life I knew, but I don’t want another moment to go by without you in it.” My confession strips me of whatever protective layer I have wrapped around myself. My vulnerability bursting through with each word.
“Cal…” My name is breathless on her lips as she shakes her head. “This - us - I can’t. There’s so much I still need to figure out. I can’t complicate my life anymore by bringing someone into it.”
She reacts exactly how I expect her to, but I am not going down without a fight. “Why would this be a complication? Why do you have to figure everything out by yourself?”
“Because I have to.”
I shake my head. “No, you think you have to. That’s your problem.”
“My problem?” She jerks her head back, moving from me as she retreats into her default defensive setting.
“Yes, your problem. You think you have to do everything alone. You’re too afraid to let anyone get close to you. To be there for you. To see you.” I move towards her again, invading her personal space, “It’s too late, linda. I see you.” My eyes drop to her lips. “And I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you.” I move slowly, waiting to see how she will react, but she allows me to bring my hand to her cheek, my fingers disappearing in her hair as my thumb caresses her cheek. My voice lowers, “I don’t want to have to stop.”
Her eyes widen - those damn eyes are a new weakness to me. “You’re falling in love with me?” Surprise lacing her voice.
My hand drops as I use my other one to bring her hand up to my lips. “It came as a surprise to me too.” A small laugh falls from her lips, “Tell me you don’t feel the same, and I’ll leave. Ball’s in your court now, Da Silva.”