Chapter 1
one
. . .
So much had changed in just one year.
As I sat in my AP English class, I peeked out the window as other students settled into their chairs. It was the first day of my senior year in high school…and everything about my life had completely changed.
Why wasn’t a huge secret, even though I felt like I was going to burst out of my skin, almost giddy. While all the other kids shuffled in, chatting, talking, and laughing, I had no one in class to share that with. Allie Lancaster, me , only did that with my bestie Emma.
Well, Emma…and now someone else.
Jason Marconi.
One of the cutest boys in my class, Jason, had asked me to prom a week before the dance last spring. I had never had a boyfriend—hadn’t even wanted one.
At least that was what I’d told myself .
But the way his sweet, earnest blue eyes practically bared his entire soul when he’d asked me, I told him I’d think about it instead of immediately turning him down…even while my heart was screaming yes!
Except Jason wasn’t a kid my parents would want me dating—not that they’d approve of any boy, really. They wanted me to focus on my future where all good things waited for me, and boys were a distraction. Jason, however, had an extra strike against him because of his social status.
Walking home after school that day last spring with Emma—who already had a steady boyfriend—I’d confessed, unable to keep it to myself, and Emma had insisted I say yes to going to prom.
Even my own mother surprised me when my admission had her saying uncharacteristically that my homework could wait.
Maybe she’d feared that she and my dad had had me working so hard toward my future that I’d forgone any fun in the present, because she whisked me off first to the mall and then to a few other clothing stores before we settled on the perfect pink prom dress.
My mom…part of the duo who had been urging me my whole life to “keep my eye on the prize.” With continued focus, I just might make valedictorian. But the pressure was intense, and summers offered a little relief.
But last summer had been more exciting than any other time in my entire life.
Although I was focusing on preparing for college by reading recommended books and volunteering several days a week at the local no-kill shelter, it was a thrilling time, because I spent almost every evening with Jason.
He was in a rock band with some of his friends that they’d just formed earlier in the year, and so they practiced a lot.
All summer long, I’d watched them practice most nights.
And now here I was, sitting in my first class of the fall semester.
I’d just said goodbye to Jason in the hallway, kissing him quickly before heading to class—the reason I was fighting a smile.
I was disappointed that he and I didn’t share any classes, but it wasn’t entirely surprising.
We had different interests, different goals—different parents.
In fact, while I was sitting in English class, preparing to go to college a year from now, Jason was in band class where he played bass drum for the marching band.
Maybe it was for the best. We both came from different worlds…and we might have to return to them. But that was something I didn’t want to think about, especially not now. Still, it tickled the back of my brain: what would our futures hold? What would we feel like a year from now?
Turning from the window, I glanced toward the teacher at the front of the room, but my mind’s eye was on Jason.
Even though the social structure was unspoken but well known in school—meaning I knew we shouldn’t be together—he’d been one of those boys who was regarded as good-looking, regardless of his social standing.
He was so cute—with his longish dirty blond hair I loved to run my fingers through, his firm jaw, those sparkly blue eyes…
and then the way his butt looked in his snug blue jeans, the way his pecs felt underneath my fingertips.
Until this summer, I’d never thought I could feel this way about another person.
“Ms. Lancaster.”
Upon hearing my last name called, I managed to focus on Mr. Crawford—and also managed not to blush.
I’d had English with Mr. Crawford last year as well and found he’d been a demanding but fair teacher.
I didn’t want to start off on the wrong foot on my first day of the last year of high school.
Arching my eyebrows in acknowledgement, I tried to recall if he’d said something before my name, but his expression simply noted my eye contact before shifting to the student behind me and calling their last name.
Letting out a slow breath, I realized I’d been first because I was sitting in the front row where I always did.
I’d always thought it funny that Mr. Crawford called his students by their last names, but maybe it would better prepare me for being an adult.
Until Jason, I’d been solely focused on getting there, to reaching adulthood when I could finally begin living my life.
Now…I wasn’t in such a hurry.
My carefully envisioned school career had never left much room for a boyfriend.
Although he hadn’t been planned, I also hadn’t expected how much I’d wanted him until he’d arrived.
And now, sitting in the first class of my senior year…
I did what I’d often done during moments of boredom like roll call—exactly what my parents had always advised: keeping my eye on the finish line by envisioning it.
Getting into the best universities didn’t happen by accident.
They started from kindergarten. No, not true.
They started before school actually began—not only with the mindset that I was special and had a bright future ahead of me but with all the various afterschool activities my parents had had me involved in from the beginning…
to make me a “well-rounded” individual .
Until now, I’d been perfectly content with the trajectory of my life.
Today, though, a tiny bit of anxiety crept up inside me as I sat here listening to roll call.
I’d already weathered all the usual BS I’d expected dating Jason.
I was considered one of the preppy students, even though I never hung out with most of those kids.
The only person I hung out with was Emma.
Still, my parents’ social standing and connections had put me firmly in that clique.
It didn’t hurt that my dad was considered a whiz of a financial advisor, having grown the wealth of the parents of most of the kids I was associated with, whether I liked it or not.
Jason wasn’t necessarily in a clique—but he was part of a group of middle- and lower-class kids that the students in my social strata didn’t usually mix with.
And, although there had been whispers at prom and during the days leading up to the end of the school year, no one had come up to me directly to give me grief.
And, unfettered, my romance with Jason had blossomed.
My parents had fought over the prom date but I overheard my mother whispering to my dad that “our daughter needs to go to prom at least once, regardless of who her date is.” It wasn’t until July that my father had asked why I was still “carrying on with that no-good boy.”
I’d also heard my mother whisper shortly before school started that it was just a fling. “Let it die out on its own.”
That was my apprehension…because I feared it would. Not because of Jason and not even because of me.
But because of circumstances .
I had already started working with a college consultant who was helping me craft my resume, and I’d emailed teachers about writing letters of recommendation for me over the summer. Although my future wasn’t yet set in stone, it was close.
It had been the moment my parents had been focused on since I’d exited my mother’s womb.
And how would my relationship with Jason survive when I would likely be going to either an Ivy League school—or one considered just as good—out of state somewhere and Jason would stay here in our hometown of Pueblo, Colorado?
We hadn’t talked much about the future and, as I sat at the desk in English getting ready to pay attention to Mr. Crawford, I understood now that we’d been avoiding that conversation.
Were we avoiding it because that conversation could ruin everything we had?
That night after eating dinner, I drove to Mark’s house, a friend of Jason’s and one of his bandmates, knowing that was where I’d find my boyfriend.
Although my parents had shown disapproval that I still wanted to spend time with him even though school was back in session, they’d let me go when I told them my homework was done.
Despite my slight shift in priorities since last year, I still wanted to be accepted by a good university and succeed in my future career.
So even though I planned to make plenty of time for Jason, my eyes were still “on the prize.”
I hoped that would be enough for my parents.
Eager and excited, I couldn’t wait to see him.
Although his band, called Pretty Little Lies, had been practicing all summer long, I was looking forward to seeing them play for a crowd.
Tonight they were practicing again, but they were getting ready to play at a party on Friday night—a back-to-school gathering, like rambunctious, for Walker Adams, one of the richest kids in school.
His parents were out of state on vacation somewhere and he decided to hold an “epic party” that the senior class would remember long after we graduated.
It was the kind of party I ordinarily would have avoided…but Jason would be there banging on his drums, his band making music, and I planned to take my usual place where I could catch his eye. It didn’t hurt that Emma had promised to come along.