Chapter 1 #2
I parked in front of Mark’s house, a humble but nice home.
Just Mark and his mom lived there and she wasn’t always around, because she worked the swing shift at one of the Department of Corrections facilities in Canon City, less than an hour from Pueblo.
From what I could see, Mark’s mother loved him and took as good a care of him as she could, considering her schedule.
And it worked out, because the band was always done practicing long before she’d arrive home.
I didn’t even have to knock on the door, because Jason opened it as I got close.
“There’s my babe,” he said, dimples appearing in his cheeks.
But it wasn’t the dimples that made him so irresistible—it was everything about him, the entire experience, that made him attractive.
And the more time we spent together, the more enamored of him I grew.
As he pulled me into his arms, he kissed me like he hadn’t seen me in years.
Although I had nothing to compare it to, I knew instinctively that Jason was a good kisser, from the way our tongues danced together to the way his hands were always in the exact right place, whether on my back or in my hair—and he tasted delicious.
Slightly salty, a little earthy, and a bit sweet.
I could have kissed him for hours…and we’d done just that in days and weeks past.
I couldn’t get enough.
“Get a room, guys,” Mark said behind us in the living room.
Ending the kiss, Jason looked in my eyes as if he could see the stars in them and then winked. Turning, he said, “You offering yours?”
Their other band buddies—Jimmy and Kage—started snickering and laughing as heat rose up my neck. I had nothing against any of these guys but I often felt out of place with them. Their humor was far more raucous and rougher around the edges than I was used to.
But Jason took my hand in his and squeezed it. “Don’t be jealous, guys. The right girl will come around for you. You just gotta stop bein’ dicks long enough for them to look at you.”
“Speak for yourself,” Kage said, a dark-haired boy whose eyes couldn’t hide that the past hadn’t been kind to him. I’d hardly heard him say five sentences over the summer, but maybe he was getting more used to my presence.
“Jesus,” Jimmy said, flicking his head so the longish tuft of blond hair in his eyes moved to the side. “Don’t tell me you and Fay got back together.”
Jason whispered in my ear. “Drama.”
Pursing my lips together, I glanced at him, stifling a giggle. When he squeezed my hand again, it was as if he was telling me that the two of us were above all this childish nonsense.
As I squeezed back, Kage said, “We worked our shit out. What’s wrong with that?”
“What’s wrong,” Jimmy said, standing and picking up his guitar case, “is that she leads you around by your balls, dude.”
“You’re just jealous ‘cause no one wants to even touch your balls.”
Mark took a step closer to them, almost as if expecting them to fight, but I knew he didn’t.
I’d spent enough time around these guys to know they were always insulting each other.
It didn’t seem very nice to me, but none of the guys seemed to mind it.
Mark said, “Does that mean she’ll be coming over tonight? ”
“Yeah. But if it makes you guys feel better, I told her to bring some of her friends with her.”
Jimmy sneered. “Are all the cheerleaders as slutty as Fay?”
Kage seemed genuinely upset by Jimmy’s remark, standing up straight. “She’s not a slut.”
“Chill, dude. I’m just fucking with you.” When Kage visibly relaxed, Jimmy added, “But are her friends slutty? ”
Jason leaned over to whisper in my ear. His warm breath sent a chill up my spine, making me wish we were alone. “Let’s never be that couple.”
Turning to look in his deep blue eyes, I wanted to just get lost in them…to pretend like this moment could be frozen in time forever. Barely audible, I asked, “ What couple?”
“The one who fights, breaks up, gets back together every other week.”
Kage happened to overhear Jason’s last comment. “Every other week? We’ve been broken up since prom.”
Jimmy shook his head. “Must have felt like forever.”
“It did.”
There was something about the way Kage said it that made me feel bad for him.
I hadn’t ever really known any of these guys, but I knew Kage the least because he’d only come to Central High sometime during our sophomore year—and many of the students I only knew by sight.
Kage had been one of them until Jason and I had started dating.
Jason I’d noticed the first time I’d seen him.
We’d been at freshman orientation, and although he hadn’t done a thing to get my attention, I’d noticed him when he’d walked into the auditorium.
There was just something about him that spoke to me—and, even though he and Mark had been talking as they’d entered the large space, Jason exuded an air of confidence, as if he’d done this a thousand times before.
And then our eyes had locked for the briefest of moments…all because I’d been staring, probably with a slack jaw. Immediately, I’d turned to Emma as if it hadn’t happened .
Over two years later, Jason got up the nerve to ask me to prom—and I’d been breathless ever since.
As if they were part of a bee colony, when Mark started moving out of the living room, the guys followed—as did I, still holding Jason’s hand. Jimmy said, “Where the hell you goin’, dude?” A valid question since they usually practiced downstairs.
“We’re outside today so we can make sure we have our shit together for the party.”
“Oh. Makes sense.”
Jason said, “I need to get my drums.” Ordinarily, they’d been in the extra room in the basement where the guys always practiced.
“I already took it out there—and the amps. I had to buy two extra fifty-foot extension cords…so you guys can owe me.”
As we walked through the sliding glass door leading from the dining area of the kitchen to the deck out back, I squeezed Jason’s hand again. Grinning, he looked at me and I whispered, “We will never be that couple.”
When he gave me a light kiss, I tried not to think about the future…because, deep down, I wondered how we could work after graduation. I could hear Emma’s voice in my head, telling me to enjoy today. How many times had she said, “Stop and smell the present, girl”?
Every time, it made me laugh. And, even though she was probably right, it wasn’t something I was accustomed to doing.
So I squeezed Jason’s warm, firm hand tighter, knowing he’d be gripping his drumsticks soon, ready to bang out a beat for the band.
I was trying to focus on just this moment.
Kage, setting down the case that held his bass, pulled his phone out of his back pocket. “The girls are here.”
Mark said, “Tell ‘em to come to the gate.” He was already walking toward the side of the house, eager to see just how many of them would be there.
At the time, I hadn’t known how pivotal that week would be in terms of these four guys’ reputation. All I knew was, for now, I would be sharing the “audience” space with several girls I didn’t necessarily dislike. Still, I was clearly the odd girl out.
Jason pulled on my arm, bringing me close to him again. But instead of kissing me, he brought his warm lips to my ear. “Cheerleaders or not, you’ll still be the prettiest girl here.” Then he leaned his forehead into mine. “I’m the luckiest guy on the planet.”
“Lucky?”
“Yeah… ‘cause you said yes .”
When he gave me a quick kiss, I was smiling, and I wondered if he felt like he’d said too much—and it made me tempted to say the words that had been coming to mind more and more over the past few weeks: I love you.
Because I did. I wasn’t sure when it had happened, but it had.
My heart was tied to him, wrapped in a beautiful bow that would be hard to unknot.
Had he seen it in my eyes?
His grin told me that, if he had, he wasn’t going to acknowledge it—at least, not right now. And then he let go of me and walked over to his drum kit, sitting behind it at the same time as several giggling girls appeared in the backyard following Mark.
Soon, the band was set up and, after Mark brought out four lawn chairs for us girls, we sat to watch.
I exchanged a brief hi with the cheerleaders but they too were people I knew but didn’t socialize with.
There was one who’d been in several of my classes, a girl who planned to go to college in Boulder after she graduated—and she was nice enough—but I didn’t feel comfortable around them.
They were obsessed with their looks and didn’t seem to care much about school.
We just had different priorities—but I’d found that to be true with most people I knew.
Each girl here had on lots of makeup and still wore their cheerleader uniforms that showed off most of their toned, tanned legs.
It wasn’t long before the guys started to play—and it was their usual lineup of songs.
They played a lot of covers, many I didn’t know, simply because I hadn’t been exposed to much of this kind of music before Jason—but I had to admit it was growing on me.
They played songs by Metallica, Korn, Marilyn Manson, and other bands, and Jason always had the radio in his car tuned to the rock station in Colorado Springs, so I was hearing more and more hard rock music… and I realized I really liked it.
I would never tell that to my parents.
Even though I kept my eyes mostly on Jason, I did watch the rest of the band as they went through their setlist. Kage played bass and sang—which I found odd, because he always seemed almost shy and withdrawn, but as soon as he got behind the microphone, he was like a different person.
He had a magnetic stage personality, and Fay was eating it up.
“Oh, my God,” said one of the other girls. I could tell she was trying to be quiet so I couldn’t hear, but I couldn’t miss it. “Kage is so sexy. I get it now, girlfriend.”
Fay all but growled. “Hands off my man.”
“I was just saying. I wouldn’t steal your man, especially when all the guys here look like hot rock stars.”
The third cheerleader, the one with her brown hair up in pigtails, wasn’t as concerned about trying to be quiet. “One day when they’re famous, we’ll be able to say we fucked them!”
The quieter blonde said, “I’m not just gonna have sex because they look like rock stars. They’ll still have to wine and dine me.”
When Fay spoke again, it was much quieter, and the only way I could have actually heard her would have been to lean over and be obvious that I was now actively eavesdropping—and then, when the guys started up the next song, I even had a hard time hearing the other two who’d been talking louder.
But I did hear one of them say Jason’s name.
Until that point in my life, I would have told you I wasn’t a jealous person.
Actually, I could have still said that. I didn’t feel jealous about another girl finding Jason attractive, because he absolutely was.
But having overheard these three girls talk about wanting to have sex with these boys before hearing one of them talk about my boyfriend, I began to wonder if I should worry.
After all, Jason and I had not had sex yet.
I’d never had sex. We’d had some really steamy sessions in the backseat of his car over the summer, but I’d told him honestly that I wasn’t ready. And he’d seemed okay with that. But…
Would he have sex with someone else to satisfy his needs? Someone far more willing?
I’d been contemplating taking that next step, because I was eager and curious, even though I was also a little afraid. And, after hearing how these other more willing girls talked about my boyfriend, I thought maybe we’d need to take that step sooner rather than later.
I simply had to remind myself that I wanted this.