Chapter 2
two
. . .
I didn’t dare tell my parents what I’d just done.
The next night, I was eating dinner with my mom and dad, trying to remind myself that what we were doing was normal…and that if I stayed calm and acted like nothing had changed, they wouldn’t figure out that I’d done something they would be disappointed in.
We sat at the dining room table eating one of my father’s favorite meals: dry aged steak, medium rare (although my mom knew I much preferred it medium well or well and cooked mine longer), truffle mashed potatoes, and asparagus.
It almost made me laugh that this meal reminded me of when I was little and we ate meatloaf with mashed potatoes and salad.
But ever since we’d moved into this larger house when I was in second grade, the food had slowly changed.
I didn’t necessarily hate the food—but it was often too much. Seared scallops, caviar, charcuterie boards…those had been the latest food items on the menu, especially when my father had guests over.
I missed spaghetti and hamburgers—which was why I sometimes liked the cafeteria food at school.
This evening, my mom and dad were discussing his day at work, and I was thinking about the application I’d just sent off…
to the University of Colorado. There was no way I was going to tell mom and dad about that now.
They wanted me to go to Harvard with the idea that I would then slide into Harvard Law School.
But now that my senior year in high school had just begun, I’d been thinking a lot about my future with Jason.
If I went to school in Colorado, it would be much easier to maintain our relationship.
Boulder was one hundred miles away as opposed to thousands.
Besides, CU was a respectable university with a solid law school.
I’d already done the research: Two hours by car to Boulder.
Almost six hours by plane to Cambridge, Massachusetts. And that didn’t even include the time to drive to DIA in Denver to catch the plane. Another two hours.
But I hadn’t stopped there. Boulder was close to the mountains, which meant I’d probably be surrounded by people who loved Colorado and the adventure it had to offer. Harvard was practically a world away, and I imagined it had much older buildings and ivy-covered walls. Would I even fit in there?
Would it change me?
Any sane person would know what a strain that choice could put on a relationship.
If I chose Harvard, I wouldn’t be able to come home every weekend or even every month.
And even though I liked New England, I didn’t want to live there for all the years it would take for me to get through school knowing Jason was so far away.
We’d talked vaguely about what would happen after graduation. He was hoping to make it big with the band. Even though they might wind up traveling, Pueblo would continue to be their home base.
So was I worrying too much about it? We had a whole school year to?—
“Allie, your mother asked you a question.”
Oh, crap. I’d really tuned them out. “Sorry. What did you say?”
“I asked what your plans were for the evening.”
We all knew they already knew exactly what my plans were—but maybe they were hoping I’d change my mind. “I’m going to hang out with Jason.”
“What’s the homework situation?” my dad asked, cutting another piece of steak.
“It’s done.”
“Are you rushing through it?”
“No. I’m doing good work.” Refraining from letting out a frustrated sigh, I shut my mouth. I was a senior in high school, on the verge of becoming an adult. They wanted me to act like one but then they didn’t trust that I was.
“Honey,” my mom said, and at first, I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or my dad—but then I realized it wasn’t directed at me. “She’s never given us a reason to not trust that she’s doing her best work.”
“Yes, but she didn’t have her head in the clouds like she does now.”
I’m right here! Why was he talking to my mother as if I weren’t in the room?
Then my mother did the same damn thing. “She’s never been in love before.”
I let go of my fork so it dropped on the plate, making a loud rattling noise—forcing them both to look at me. Then I threw back that tired phrase they’d always pushed on me. “My eye is on the prize, okay? I’m still working hard to graduate with honors.”
“Valedictorian,” my father said as if underscoring what I’d just said.
“Yes, but?—”
“No buts . If you let yourself believe the competition’s too fierce and you’ll be happy settling, then you won’t give it your best shot.”
He was impossible—and I didn’t want to argue. We’d been over this same topic a million times. So I simply nodded, grateful that he was at least talking to me again.
“You’re our good girl,” my mom said, “and I know you’re doing your best. Just…try not to get too serious about Jason.”
Oh…too late. I was already enamored of the boy. No, more than enamored. I was completely in love and surprised my mother hadn’t seen it on my face.
Or maybe she had and that was why she was bringing it up .
When she called me her good girl , she was reminding me that, until Jason, I’d blindly followed their every wish, wanting to be the daughter they wanted.
I’d strived to make them proud, to excel in everything I did—and they’d rewarded me with praise and affection.
Although I didn’t believe they’d withdraw it if I made a misstep…
I did know they’d be disappointed if they knew where my head was today.
Applying for acceptance at CU was one of those actions that might be viewed as a mistake by them, so I wasn’t going to say a word about it until I knew for certain what I wanted to do.
But my heart felt much like the knot on a tug-of-war rope, torn between the need to make my parents happy and my own personal wishes.
I had to figure out a way to make those two needs meet in the middle—and acceptance at CU-Boulder was key.
“Allie? Are you going to answer your mother?”
“I’m sorry. What?”
My mom stabbed a spear of asparagus on her plate, having barely eaten more than I had—while my dad was close to cleaning his plate. “You’re not getting too serious with Jason, are you?”
“What does that even mean, too serious ? He hasn’t proposed to me if that’s what you mean.”
“You know that’s not what I mean, Allison Rae Lancaster.”
“Then what are you saying?”
My father placed his knife and fork on his now-empty plate. “She’s reminding you to not drop the ball. You’re so close to the goal, baby girl, and we don’t want you to flub it up.”
Mom agreed. “And I know how easy it is to fall for a boy who sweeps you off your feet and makes you feel special.”
In my defense, I quickly said, “You and dad met in college.”
“We did,” my dad said, “but we waited until we graduated.”
“To get married,” I added, “but didn’t you fall in love before that?”
My mother’s face said it all—of course, they had.
So I’d won the battle…but I wasn’t sure about the war. And fighting about all this might lead to something I didn’t want—like them forbidding me to see Jason. I wasn’t eighteen yet and still lived under my parents’ roof—not to mention that I wanted to maintain a civil relationship with them.
And that was why I resumed my good girl facade and lied through my teeth. “But it doesn’t matter. Jason and I are just having fun. It’s not serious.”
But I wondered if my parents believed my words any more than I did.
Before I knew it, it was Friday after school, and I was changing clothes for the party at Walker Adams’s house.
I hadn’t told my parents where the party was, because I didn’t want them to know it would not be chaperoned.
At least, that was the impression I’d been under, and I didn’t want anything stopping me from watching Jason and the band play for a live audience.
More than a tiny audience of just me and a handful of cheerleaders.
Usually, I dressed in fashionable but muted earth tones, but tonight I wore blue jeans and a black Slipknot t-shirt Jason had let me borrow for the occasion that wasn’t too big on me—but, because it was his, I would never want to take it off.
Paired with black sneakers, I looked like I could almost fit in with kids at a concert.
When Emma and her boyfriend arrived out front, I headed out the door with my purse and a water bottle, locking it behind me.
My parents had gone out to dinner and had even invited me to come along, but I told them I had plans.
Again, that was for the best, because I really didn’t want them questioning what I was wearing.
When I hopped in the back of Cameron’s Charger, Emma turned in the seat to look at me. “Oh, my God. I need to take a picture of you later.”
“Don’t you dare.”
“I swear I won’t post it on my socials—but this might be the only time in my life I’ll see you in a rock band t-shirt—and years from now, when my memory is failing and I question it, I’ll have the picture to look back on, confirming it wasn’t a figment of my imagination.”
Rolling my eyes, I laughed. Emma always knew how to help me see the lighter side of life. “Hey, Cameron.”
Her silent boyfriend with dark hair simply nodded. “ Allie.” Although he drove a sports car, he’d always seemed to be calm on the road and his driving had never made me nervous. Plus, it helped that he was eighteen and could legally tote us around.
“What are you wearing?” I asked my friend, unable to see much over the seat.
“That cute top I wanted at Kohl’s,” she said—as if I would remember something she’d wanted to buy when we were clothes shopping a month ago.
The fabric of the blouse was a dusky blue in a gauzy fabric, perfect for making Emma’s blonde hair and blue eyes pop.
“Cam likes it, so that’s all that matters. ”