Chapter 20
We packed up in silence and hit the trail, Maggs ranging ahead of us.
We covered the miles to the dam quickly.
I’d have thought Claire would want to take it slow, but she pushed the pace, moving ahead of me and just behind Maggs.
When we got close to the dam, after passing the AT shelter which was on the shoreline of the lake to the right, Claire hit a problem.
I think she had planned to spread the ashes in the river downstream of the dam, but the AT ran across the top of the dam.
To get down to the outflow would be a big loop on the far side with a long descent.
We stood on the dam on the near side, taking it all in.
Including Claire’s son with Boone.
And now they were back.
“There,” Claire said, pointing to a promontory on this side, extending out into the lake. She turned to me. “Time to say farewell, Max.”
“I can—” I began but she cut me off.
“I have to do this alone.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
I dropped my ruck. Unzipped a pocket on the outside and removed Maggs’ leash. I clipped it on her collar. Then I donned the ruck again.
I extended the handle of the leash to Claire. “Here.”
She blinked. “What are you doing?”
“Maggs needs you more than she needs me right now. Take her. Finish the trail with her. Or don’t finish. Just take her.”
“That’s insane. You can't just give away your dog. That’s not—you don't just—what is wrong with you?”
“Rose asks me that a lot, actually.”
“I’m serious, Max.”
“So am I.” I met her eyes. “Maggs was someone else’s before she was gifted to me. Now I’m gifting her to you. She needs a purpose. And she’s fulfilled the one she had with me. Now. You.”
“Max, that dog loves you—”
“And she’ll love you too. That’s what dogs do. Hell, last time I walked the trail she stayed in Rocky Start with Rose and Poppy and didn’t seem to miss me at all. Maggs needs someone. She needs structure, purpose, someone to care for. And maybe you need that too.”
“I need my family back.”
“Not going to happen, Claire. We both know that. Nobody can give you that. But Maggs can give you a reason to wake up tomorrow. And the day after that. And maybe that’s not enough, maybe it’s not what you want, but it’s what I have.
” I paused. “Plus, it’s only a lend. I’m letting you borrow Maggs.
You have to return her. To Rocky Start.”
Maggs was standing between us, looking back and forth. Not confused. Just waiting for the humans to get their act together.
I clarified. “You bring her back to me. Rocky Start. It’s on the North Carolina and Tennessee border. Only a couple of miles off the trail actually if you keep heading north.”
“This is—” she searched for the word. “Blackmail. Emotional blackmail.”
“It is what it is,” I said, which I knew was a bullshit phrase, but I’d run out of words.
“And what happens when I get attached?” Claire asked. “When she becomes my reason to live? I can’t lose anyone else, Max. I physically cannot survive another loss. I'm barely surviving this one.”
I noted she’d said ‘when’, not if. That was good.
“But you are surviving it. You’ve had the hardest lesson in life. To love and to lose those you love. But trust me, something I’ve learned recently. It’s better than never having anyone you love. Do you have a picture of your family?”
She blinked, surprised at the request. But she pulled out her phone, powered it on, then tapped the screen and showed me.
“Ken, Danny and Mary,” I said. “We have a thing in Special Operations. As long as someone remembers and says your name, you’re not really gone. I’ll remember their names and say them.” I shoved the leash at her, and she reacted before she realized, taking it. There were tears flowing.
“I’m out of here,” I said. “See you when you’re ready to bring Maggs back.”
I turned and walked away, heading across the dam. I half-expected her to call after me. Or to unclip the leash and let Maggs chase after me. I didn’t look back.
She didn’t call for me. And I didn’t hear the click of Maggs’ nails on the concrete walk.
The farther I got the more I felt the tension of the past days seep out of me.