Chapter 21
Iwas feeling really weird as I pushed on, leaving Fontana Dam, Claire and Maggs behind.
It wasn’t so much missing Maggs. Late last year when I’d tried to complete the trail the second time, Maggs had stayed behind in Rocky Start with Rose and Poppy.
She hadn’t been my dog to start with and I’d kind of always expected she wouldn’t be my dog to end with.
She was a dog for people who needed her the most.
Leaving Maggs was, in a way, a triumph for me. I was moving on. And I think Claire would move on too. Whether she would show up in Rocky Start, I had no idea. She was going to have to decide her future, but she wasn’t alone and that changed the dynamic.
So I was feeling all right, but habit rules and I looked for Maggs and she wasn’t there and then all of sudden my chest tightened and I felt out of breath.
My first thought was heart attack. I staggered and went to one knee.
I managed to pop one of the shoulder strap quick releases and the pack tumbled off my back to the side.
I was on both knees now, both hands on the ground, gasping. And then I started fucking crying.
Ah crap. Decades of whatever shit I’d stuffed down inside me came churning up. I went from crying to sobbing so hard it hurt to breathe. It felt like an eternity but was probably no more than a minute, before I was able to regain some control.
I slowly got to my feet. Wiped the moisture off my face. Got my breathing back to normal. Reconnected the quick release and slung my ruck on my back.
I took a deep breath, then moved on.