18. Melissa Domaine
Romantic-free.
That’s what I kept tellin’ myself I was.
No boo, no label, no “text me when you home” echo in my ear.
Just me.
Babies and brunches and bridal shit.
And it worked… kind of.
We decided to do Fee’s baby shower at my place, bigger space, better parking, plus I already knew how I wanted to decorate.
Balloons, banners, all that Pinterest shit I acted like I hated but secretly lived for.
I was standin’ on a chair tryin’ to tape up a banner that said: “DOUBLE THE BLESSINGS” when Charlee yelled from the couch, “Bitch, if you fall and break your neck, I’m not raisin’ nobody kids.”
“Shut up and pass me that tape,” I shot back.
Fee laughed from the other end of the room, foldin’ little favor bags. She was big and beautiful and over it, but she’d still pulled up early to help.
“Y’all both need to sit down, really,” April said, walkin’ in with a tray of cupcakes. “One wrong move and we gon’ have a baby and a broke leg on our hands.”
“I’m fine,” I said, stretchin’ the tape. “Almost done.”
Once the banner was up, I hopped down and stood back, hands on my hips.
“This shit look good,” Charlee said. “Go on, Martha Stewart.”
“Don’t hype me,” I said, but I was lowkey proud.
The room looked cozy, blue and yellow, little elephants, pictures of Fee and Trend on the walls, ultrasound pics on a string.
Despite how me and Charlie Mac met, I’d somehow ended up… here.
Surrounded by these women, this noise, this love.
I glanced at Fee, who was starin’ at the ultrasound banner, eyes glassy.
“Don’t start cryin’,” I warned. “You gon’ fuck up your lashes.”
She sniffed. “Shut up. This just… a lot.”
“Good lot, though,” April said, settin’ down the cupcakes. “Y’all really built a village.”
I thought about that.
All the ways we met.
Me and Charlee lowkey beefin’ at first. Me side-eyein’ Fee over Jordan bullshit.
April comin’ in quiet and now ridin’ hard with the rest of us.
If somebody had told me back then this would be my circle, I would’ve laughed in they face.
But here we were.
My phone lit up on the coffee table outta habit.
I looked at it, and it wasn’t Roman.
Just a notification.
Funny thing was, I’d still been textin’ him.
Not all day, not every day. But here and there.
He’d switched up.
Less pop-ups and less “where you at?”
More simple shit like did you eat?
How the shower prep goin’?
Tell Fee I said congratulations.
No extra pressure.
It threw me off more than the stalkin’ did.
“Who that?” Charlee asked, nosy as ever.
“Nobody,” I said, lockin’ my screen.
She smirked. “Nobody got a name?”
“Mind your uterus,” I shot back.
She made a face. “Since you brought it up… I got somethin’ to say.”
We all turned to her.
She suddenly looked… small.
“I took a test,” she said. “Three, actually.”
Fee’s eyes widened. “And?”
She sucked her teeth, like she was mad at the result. “I’m pregnant.”
Silence came over us. Then all at once we all said at the same time.
“Bitch!”
“Ahhh!”
“I knew it!”
April damn near dropped a cupcake. Fee clapped her hands and then winced ‘cause her fingers were swollen.
I rushed over, grabbin’ Charlee’s hands. “How you feel?”
She blew out a breath. “Scared. Irritated. Hungry. Like my titties too big and my pants too small. But…” Her voice got quiet. “Happy? Lowkey. Don’t tell nobody I said that.”
We laughed.
“What Truce say?” April asked.
“He don’t know yet,” she said.
All of us: “Girl.”
She held her hands up. “Before y’all jump me, he do know. He just don’t know I know he know.”
Fee frowned. “What?”
“He been lookin’ at me like I’m a bomb for two weeks,” Charlee said. “Runnin’ me baths, rubbin’ my feet, cookin’ me food in the middle of the night. I caught him orderin’ prenatal vitamins off .”
We all cracked up.
“He told his brothers he know,” she admitted. “I overheard him on the phone. He said he just waitin’ to see how long it take me to say it out loud.”
“That sound like him,” I said.
“So what you gon’ do?” April asked.
Charlee chewed her lip. “I don’t know. Part of me wanna be like, ‘Fuck you, I’m not ready.’ Another part of me… scared if I say that, I’m sayin’ I don’t want us.”
She looked down at her stomach, barely showin’ yet.
“Truce already said we keepin’ it no matter what,” she went on. “He told me that before I even took the test. ‘You not gon’ deny me fatherhood,’ he said. ‘We gon’ figure it out.’”
Her eyes glossed.
“I ain’t never had nobody so sure about me,” she whispered. “It’s overwhelmin’.”
We all went quiet.
Fee reached over and squeezed her hand. “Welcome to the ‘scared but showin’ up anyway’ club.”
I watched them both, Fee rubbin’ her huge belly, Charlee holdin’ hers like she was just realizin’ somethin’ was in there.
April cleared her throat. “Since we announcin’ fears…”
We looked at her.
“I been freakin’ out about the wedding,” she admitted. “Royce been freakin’ out too. But lately… he been showin’ up different.” She smiled a little.
“He set up sessions with Nana,” she said. “Like, real sit-downs. No food, no jokes, just talkin’. We been draggin’ our fear to that table every Sunday instead of lettin’ it sit between us in the bed.”
“Aww,” Fee said. “Look at growth.”
“It’s not perfect,” April added quick. “We still argue. He still gets in his head. I still get in mine. But he not runnin’ no more. And that… that make me feel like we actually got a shot at forever, not just a pretty day with a nice dress.”
Her eyes got shiny too.
Everybody was leakin’ in my damn living room.
I sank back on the arm of a chair, lookin’ at them.
My girls.
Fee: about to be a mama of two, terrified but ready. Charlee: knockin’ on motherhood’s door, cussin’ and secretly excited. April: walkin’ toward a husband, scared but honest.
All of them scared.
All of them showin’ up anyway.
Me?
I was sittin’ here watchin’ my phone like a teenager, hopin’ it buzzed with a name I swore I wasn’t pressed over.
“Where your head at?” Fee asked, lookin’ at me.
I shrugged. “Just takin’ it in.”
“You thinkin’ ‘bout Roman,” Charlee said. “I can see it in your forehead.”
“I’m thinkin’ ‘bout all of y’all,” I corrected. “How life not waitin’ on none of us to be ‘ready.’ It’s just… happenin’. Babies. Weddings. Niggas.”
“And you?” April asked softly. “What’s happenin’ with you?”
I hesitated.
“I don’t know yet,” I said, honest for once. “I been so busy tryin’ not to fall into nothin’ that I might already be in it and just refusin’ to say it.”
“Girl, we been knew that,” Charlee said. “You late.”
We laughed, but my chest felt tight.
Because the truth was startin’ to feel too big to keep hidin’ behind jokes.
Roman had actually pulled back.
No random pull-ups this week. No cars lurkin’ outside nobody house. Just simple, steady check-ins.
And instead of feelin’ free, I felt…Seen.
On my terms for once.
I glanced at the banner again.
DOUBLE THE BLESSINGS.
Everybody in my life was steppin’ toward somethin’ that scared them.
Maybe it was time I stopped pretendin’ I was the exception.
‘Cause the more I watched my girls walk into they next chapters scared but honest, the more it hit me:
I could keep runnin’ from Roman forever.
Or I could finally stop actin’ like he wasn’t already holdin’ pieces of me I hadn’t given to nobody else since I got my heart broke.
And if I was really honest with myself?
I was tired of runnin’.
Even if I wasn’t quite ready to say that out loud yet.