Chapter 20 #2
Through Marshall’s actions, I felt loved. He made me feel good when we had sex, but despite the happiness he brought me, he never managed to do what Lucas did. I won’t tell him that too soon. He’ll get all high and mighty, or he’ll look at me with pity. I don’t want any of that now.
As for Marshall, I managed to get orgasms with him just when I was helping.
If I could do that, given the positions he sometimes put me in.
Almost every time after we had sex and didn’t get some help, he let me in the room to satisfy myself.
Only the presence of his dick was not enough, however horny I was.
I thought that something was wrong with me, that I didn’t finish like I read in books or saw in the movies. Then I read some articles about that, and I saw how normal I actually was.
Why didn’t I think about this before? I asked him to come down, but he wasn’t patient and didn’t stay long. His genital organ needed a tight space to spread his sperm, and his hands needed to always be on other parts of my body.
He accepted my help, but he never let himself finish in my mouth because he didn’t want to feel his taste when he was kissing me.
That was the excuse. I didn’t comment, however much I wanted to feel his taste on my tongue.
I didn’t like to know that I upset him, especially since I’d seen how he acted when he was really angry.
I remember that he was on the phone in his office one day when he received some bad news. He started to scream with an unrecognisable voice, and he scared me so much when I heard a strong noise. I went into his office to make sure he wasn’t hurt.
There was broken glass everywhere, from a big vase in his office, and a gigantic hole in the wall next to Marshall.
When he saw me, he got so furious that he closed the door in my face.
Then he punched it hard, making me shiver.
I’ve never seen him so angry before. I didn’t think it was possible, given how calm he always was.
He scared me horribly, and I thought that if he hadn’t closed the door, I would’ve become the victim of his nerves too.
That night, he walked away and didn’t come back until morning.
I let him bounce back. I didn’t insist on stupid questions about what happened or what I could’ve done to make him feel better, even though I wanted to do that.
He didn’t talk to me that day either. Just at night, he came next to me in bed and hugged me from behind.
He said he was so sorry for his behaviour and swore to never react like that in my presence.
The truth is that he hung onto his words.
I never saw him that angry after that moment.
When he was about to become like that again, he went away and blew off steam elsewhere.
I was okay with knowing he didn’t take his anger out on me, but at the same time, I wanted to calm him down.
I said it was better this way and didn’t even think about what these alarming signs he gave me could really mean.
“Wow… and I thought I had some nasty experiences,” Lucas says, getting me out of my thoughts and making me realise I still haven’t answered his question.
“Not that I had bad experiences…”
“But?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.
“Uhm, it is strange to talk to you about that. I don’t even know what to say…”
“Anmara,” he distracts me from my babbling.
“Hmm?”
“Did he take advantage of you?”
He amazes me with his questions every day. They sound so sweet, even though his voice tone is serious.
“No. All we did was by mutual agreement.”
“Good, then answer my next question: did he make you feel as good as I did?” he asks, biting his bottom lip.
“That is not the original question. What are you going to do if I say yes?” I lie, instigating him.
“If you ask me that, it means no. So I can just be happy and want you even more. To make you feel better than Marshall ever did, or, sorry, as he didn’t," he says, and I seriously start to think that I should’ve brought another pair of lingerie due to the wetness on this one.
“I just don’t want to take it easy with you.
I lost too much time far from you to appear in your life and take it from the beginning.
I don’t want to go on first dates as I already met your body.
But I will give you some time to decide what you really want.
Then, you will be treated like a princess," he says, making me laugh.
“What makes you think that I wanna be treated like a princess? We’re not in Bridgerton and, if I look down at me, I don’t even dress that elegantly.”
“Any girl wants to feel good, whatever she wears or not,” he winks at me, making me melt on the car seat.
“Marshall never talked to me this way,” I say out loud without thinking.
My eyes go big when my voice reaches my ears, and I take my gaze far from Lucas’s.
“As for how much you’re blushing, that was an inside thought, and you didn’t intend to get it out from that beautiful mouth of yours, but I will consider it as a compliment.
When everything returns to normal, you will explain what you just told me, because if you do before all of it is over, it is possible that Marshall won’t live to see another day.
We’ll have to run away and hide on the most remote island," he says with a smile on his face, while his knuckles turn white on the steering wheel.
I’m too surprised by his words to talk, so I put an invisible lock on my lips and just nod.
However, I wouldn’t get upset to see Marshall lying in a million pieces at the bottom of the ocean, where he couldn’t hurt anybody anymore.
I would feel more relaxed.
?
The rest of the journey was quiet. Neither one of us spoke, even if the tension in the air was so thick you could only cut it with a sharp blade. I don’t know whether the sexual or emotional tension was stronger.
Both felt strong as hell.
Lucas stops the car in a motel’s parking lot, and it is so strange that it kinda feels like a kidnapping. One that continues to excite me.
I’m curious which one of us will give in first.
I get my answer when Lucas takes off his seatbelt and jumps at my lips, getting them in a kiss full of desire, even if he said he’ll wait for me to decide if I want him or not.
My mind is warning me to stay out of a relationship with a man who works for a crazy one and who could kill a person only by pressing a button, but my body is so attracted to Lucas that I let him mix his tongue with mine in a delicious dance.
I don’t know if it’s just a physical attraction or a long-forgotten emotional one. Probably a bit of both. The latter makes so little sense to my burned-out brain cells that I don’t know how to react further.
I feel like things are getting crazier, and I hurry to jump to a conclusion regarding Lucas.
I don’t know whether to believe him or not when he tells me he won’t leave me this time.
It’s extremely hard with my past full of shitty relationships and the emotional implications that nearly destroyed me.
Lucas gets away from my half-open lips and takes my face in his palms. He looks at me with a gaze that tells me to trust him, but also how passionate he’s about this small moment.
Only his eyes make me believe in him, and in his ability to solve anything, and in making me feel worshipped, like in the small moment we shared just a couple of days ago. The one where he handed me a small piece of his desire for me, helping me create an orgasm of rare beauty.
How Blake also…
Shut the fuck up!
“I cannot help but ask you about Blake," he says, like he is guessing what is going through my head. “About your first experience. I want to know, even if I know it’s not my place.”
“You’re right,” I say while opening the car’s door. “It’s not your place.”
I get out of the car and slam the door shut behind me. I take a few steps away from Lucas in the parking lot. I can hear him getting closer, but I don’t mind him.
“I know it’s not the right moment, but…”
“Lucas, shut up. Just… do not ask those stupid questions anymore.”
“I just need to know you don’t want him back.”
With that, I stop and turn on my heels with a frowny expression.
“Are you serious? Are you that obsessed with me to be scared that I would want what I never had with Blake back?”
“I already admitted how obsessed I am over you, Anmara,” he smiles. “It makes me happy to know that you gave yourself away and you just shared a moment. But, I’m sad that you didn’t have your first one with me.”
“From what I remember, you weren’t in my life for a long time back then. It couldn’t have happened anyway,” I say with more acid in my voice than I intended.
“You didn’t let me finish," he says while getting closer. “I wanted to tell you that whatever experiences you had until now, they won’t compare to what I’ll offer you.
I will make you erase the two of them from your mind, all that they tried to give you.
Actually, all of your past relationships.
I know there were more,” he winks. “I will make you have me in your mind and inside of you,” he whispers the last part, making me shiver and close the distance between us.
He smirks when he sees that I am next to him, his chest touching mine. Unfortunately, a voice breaks the attraction between us.
“I hope you’re not manipulating her too, Lucas. You’ll suffer more than your victims.”
I smile when I hear Bianca and run to her, jumping into her arms.
“No way. She was the one manipulating me,” Lucas says, making me roll my eyes. “Hello to you, too, Doom.”
“You and your crazy aliases,” Bianca rolls her eyes, but smiles. “He’s playing with my substances with the mad men, and he calls me like that. At least he is helping the world become a better place. With small exceptions, of course. Even if I would’ve loved to reach that area too.”
“I told you that you can do that if you wanna risk Paul not having a wife anymore,” Lucas says, making Bianca’s gaze get darker, her smile disappearing. “Sorry, I didn’t want it to sound like that,” Lucas tries to defend himself, but the words were already spoken.
“Let’s get to work before you get more shit out of your mouth,” Bianca says, moving to one of the motel’s rooms.