TEN
I look at the bars of the kennel, taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out. Daddy has been gone for some time. I don’t know when he is going to come back. Will it be soon?
I miss him.
I never thought I would think like that, but I miss Daddy. Even when we went to the office, he was in my line of sight all but twice. And now… Now he is gone, and there is no way for me to contact him or figure out when he is coming back.
At least Daddy could have put his picture somewhere, so I don’t feel so lonely. I don’t like this.
The feeling of doubt slowly creeps in. What if he never comes back? What if he decides to leave me here and has someone else come pick me up to send me back to the space station?
I should never have gotten comfortable with him. I should never have started to believe his words about wanting to take care of me and make sure I am happy for the rest of my life.
It was all a lie.
Sighing, I lie back down and snuggle into the blanket. Maybe if I fall asleep, I won’t miss him as much. Maybe time will pass by faster, and when I wake up, he will be back in the apartment and will pick me up right away.
“Get yourself together,” I whisper to myself. “This isn’t the end of the world. Everything is going to be okay. You just need to make it through this.”
I told myself that Daddy was going to be the one to suffer if he left me alone in the apartment and went to do something, but I was wrong… so wrong. I’m here suffering all by myself, wishing that I had gone with him instead, but I just had to be confident that I would be okay here alone.
“Never again,” I mumble as I close my eyes.
A loud, blaring noise goes off in the apartment. I scream and look around. What’s wrong? What is going on? Everything looks normal in the apartment. The alarm continues to sound, and my eyes dart around the room, but I can’t see anything out of the ordinary.
“Daddy?” I call out, hoping this is some sort of prank and it will be over soon. “Daddy!”
But he doesn’t come out. Placing my hands over my ears, I try to block out the sound, but it’s still very loud.
“Fire. Please evacuate through the stairs,” a robotic voice instructs.
Tears well in my eyes as I lurch forward, yanking on the kennel door, trying to get it to open. But of course it has to be strong and won’t budge even a little bit. I let the tears fall freely from my face as I pull and push at the kennel door.
“Please open,” I beg it, knowing full well that I won’t be able to open it.
I let go of the bars and sit in the kennel, accepting my fate that Daddy isn’t going to come and get me.
I should have trusted him a long time ago and lived my life happier.
He took such good care of me and wanted the best for me, and I decided not to trust him and push him away at every opportunity.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I bury my face into my knees.
I continue to cry as the alarm blares in the apartment.
“Nora!” Daddy yells as he runs into the apartment. “I’m right here. You’re okay.”
Sobbing, I launch myself at him as soon as he opens the door.
“Daddy!” I shout as he holds me tightly against him.
He holds me close as he starts walking out of the apartment.
“Everything is okay. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers into my ear.
I hold onto his shirt tightly, sobbing into his chest, the relief of him coming to get me overwhelming me. I’m never going to let him go now. He came to save me, and I’m never letting him out of my sight again.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone,” he apologizes as he stops walking. “Daddy is so sorry you were in there alone.”
I don’t pull my head out of his chest as he talks to me. Daddy just runs his hands through my hair as he bounces me in his arms.
“Everything is going to be okay. You’re safe now,” he coos at me. “Daddy has you.”
Daddy and I stay like this for a while, my cries lessening with each second.
“There was no fire,” a deep voice says, one I don’t recognize.
“Do they know what caused it to go off?” Daddy asks.
Silence fills the surrounding area, and I pull my head back slightly and look around. Whoever is talking to Daddy is right in front of him, so I can’t see what he looks like.
“They don’t. It was tripped. They are looking into it. You can go back to your apartment,” the man says.
“Thank you. Please let me know what you find out,” Daddy says before he starts walking.
“We-we’re going back up?” I stutter as I grip onto his shirt even tighter.
“Shh, you’re okay. There was no fire, so you don’t need to worry. Everything is going to be okay. Daddy is right here with you,” he gently coos at me. “We’re going back up, and we are going to snuggle on the couch.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath as he continues to walk. Daddy is here, and he’s not going anywhere. I don’t have to worry about it. I don’t have to worry about going back into the kennel.
I shudder at the thought of the kennel. I never want to go back in there, even if Daddy is close by.
“You’re okay.” He kisses the side of my head. “Daddy is here.”
Daddy sits down and places me on his lap, still holding me close. He wraps a blanket around me, and I finally relax in his embrace.
“Did you know that you called me Daddy?” he gently asks. “Daddy didn’t have time to really appreciate it since I was so worried about you. I hope you’ll call me that again.
“Daddy,” I whisper.
“Such a good girl.”
I snuggle into his embrace, letting Daddy warm me up, keep me calm, and protect me.
“Daddy is not going anywhere. Why don’t you get some sleep?” he whispers.
“Promise?” I murmur, slowly falling asleep.
“Daddy promises he isn’t going anywhere,” he repeats, and I let myself fall asleep against him.
***
I move my head back and forth, feeling the blanket against my cheek.
“So soft,” I mumble.
I move my hands around, and my eyes shoot open. When I look around, Daddy is nowhere in sight, and I’m back in my kennel. Tears run down my cheeks.
“Daddy!” I call out as I look around, trying to find him. “Daddy!”
My breathing picks up, my skin feels like it’s crawling with each passing second.
“I’m right here.” He walks into the room.
“Daddy!” I whimper.
Panic flies across his face, and he quickly comes toward me, opening the top of the kennel and picking me up straight away.
“You’re okay. I’m right here,” he whispers.
“Where did you go?” I ask. “You said you were never going to leave me.”
“Daddy had to go put on a different shirt,” he informs me.
“Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me,” I beg him. “I don’t want to be in the kennel alone. I don’t want to be in the apartment alone. Please.”
I sound hysterical, but I don’t care.
“Whoa, Little Pet. You’re okay. Why don’t you take a slow breath in and let it out?” He holds my face with his free hand. “Everything is going to be okay. Daddy is right here. I am not going anywhere. I was just changing my shirt, but I was coming right back.”
I shake my head and grip onto his shirt, not caring that I am getting it all wrinkly.
“Don’t leave me alone.” My voice sounds so broken as I whisper to him. “Please don’t leave me alone. I can’t handle it.”
Concern is painted all over Daddy’s face as he looks down at me. “Little Pet, what’s wrong?”
I open and close my mouth several times as I look at him, wanting to tell him the truth but not knowing if he will truly understand what I am trying to say.
“Come on, Little Pet, you can tell Daddy anything,” he gently says. “You know that. We’ve already had some tough conversations.”
He’s right, but this is slightly different.
I don’t want to make him feel guilty that he left me in the cage.
But at the same time, I don’t want him to leave me alone.
I know he will have to do it again at some point.
It has become more frequent recently. I thought it was okay, but I don’t think it will be.
“How about we just sit like this for a little while? Then you can tell me after you have calmed down?” Daddy suggests. “I think that will be a good idea. Then you can get all the snuggles you need. I will patiently wait for you and also slow my racing heart down.”
“Your racing heart?” I whisper as I lean my head on his chest, taking in a deep breath.
My head is right above his heart, and it is steadily thumping. It doesn’t sound like it is fast to me.
“It was speeding when I heard you calling my name. I thought something was wrong, and I came as soon as I could,” he explains.
“My heart is racing any time I am away from you. There are so many different possibilities that are running through my head that could happen to you, and I don’t like any of them.
I want to protect you, but I can’t do that if I am away from you. ”
Maybe Daddy feels the same way I did when I woke up.
Maybe he will understand what I am trying to tell him, and he will keep me by his side.
I don’t care if I have to go to the office with him and have other people look at me.
Not to feel like I am panicky, that anything could happen, and I would die in the apartment, is better.
Daddy starts to slowly run his hand up and down my back. “I felt that way from the moment I saw you in the cage. I felt that way before I even met you, constantly wondering if you were okay and if you had everything you needed.”
I snuggle into his chest and let out a sigh of contentment.
“Such a good girl,” he murmurs and kisses the top of my head. “Can you tell Daddy why you were so scared now?”
I take a deep breath in and close my eyes, gripping onto his shirt.
“You said you wouldn’t leave me before I fell asleep.
But when I woke up, you were gone, and I was all alone in the cage.
It reminded me of when the fire alarm went off, and I didn’t know whether I was going to survive or not.
” I whisper toward the end. “I don’t want to die.
I don’t want to be put back in the kennel where I can’t get out if something goes wrong in the apartment.
I don’t want to go back to the space station.
I don’t want to be away from you because when I’m not with you, I don’t feel safe. ”
I slowly take several deep breaths in and out, trying to calm my breathing once again. I feel the same emotions creeping back inside me as I think about him not being in the room when I woke up.
“I think it’s because it just happened recently, so please don’t leave me until I calm down,” I practically beg him.
“Shhh, Daddy won’t leave you alone for a while. I was so terrified as well when I heard that the fire alarm was going off and knew that you were home alone. I think we both are on edge right now,” he gently says. “So don’t worry. Daddy isn’t going anywhere.”