Chapter 9 #2
“I—I couldn’t even think about it, Bree.
I was in panic-mode.” I clutch the wine tightly.
The emotions from that night flood my body, and my chest constricts.
“I didn’t tell anyone. I made an impulsive decision to leave, knowing my career was the perfect excuse.
I’d been considering relocating to LA already and it was the best place I could think of to start over and make my degree useful.
I found the first apartment I could online, packed up my shit, and left.
” I drink from the bottle, letting it rest in my lap as I sit cross-legged on the bench.
“The truth is that I ran away—ran from Ronin and that wounded look in his eyes. How was I supposed to see him everyday and pretend that my very presence wasn’t hurting him?
Reminding him that I rejected him not once, but twice now?
I had to leave to protect his heart, protect him from me.
At least, that’s how I justified it.” I close my eyes and sigh.
“Really, I was selfish. I never stopped to consider leaving might actually hurt him more than staying.”
Bree grabs the wine, taking a big sip. “You know, I always wondered what had gone down between the two of you. But when time went on and neither of you opened up to me, I just figured maybe it was as simple as Ronin being pissed you left. I don’t know.
” She rubs at the label on the rosé. “I had no idea it was something as huge as this though, Mellie.” She frowns at me.
“Was the idea of being with Ronin so terrible, then?”
That’s just it. It wasn’t so terrible. Not then, and not even now, if I’m honest with myself. And that is what scared the life out of me back then.
“No, I suppose not. It was weird, though. It was just out of nowhere.” I pause.
“One day, everything was normal. The next day, Ronin’s confessing his love and saying things like he wants to spend his life with me, and I’m—what?
Supposed to just agree to this? Be happy about this?
We were best friends, Bree, that wasn’t supposed to be what happened.
” I shake my head. “We made that mistake once and it ended horribly. It almost ruined us. I couldn’t understand what he was thinking, risking our friendship again with words like love and marriage.
It scared the shit out of me.” I sniff, tears threatening to erupt once more. “God, I was so stupid.”
“That mistake—are you referring to when you slept together?” Bree asks, and I nod.
“Ronin wanted to give us a real shot back then, did you know?” My heart twists as I recall the look on his face when I said no. “I don’t think I ever really told you why we fought afterward. I was so scared of losing his friendship, and I almost did.”
“I remember,” Bree says. “You guys didn’t talk for months after Ronin left for college.
I had to deal with both of you being all mopey and miserable.
” She passes the bottle back to me. “I’m not sure why you thought it would have been a disaster, Mellie.
The entire town has been rooting for you two since you were teenagers.
But we can circle back to that.” Her subdued gaze catches mine.
“I can’t believe you kept this from me all these years.
We dated, Mellie! For a whole fucking year!
And you didn’t think to mention any of this about Ronin being in love with you?
Ready to marry you?” Bree shakes her head.
“You know you’re my best friend. But Ronin is my friend too, and now that I know why you left Blue Fields, I kind of feel like a shitty friend for dating you.
” Her eyes drift to the emptying town square as she searches for the right words before continuing.
“Ronin is such a good guy. It’s not like he would have said anything to me about it, either.
He just pretended to be happy for us, meanwhile, he was probably heartbroken. ”
The tears that were threatening moments ago finally spill over.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. Honestly, I was scared.
I felt like if I said it out loud, it would make it more real and I’d have to deal with it.
I’d have to actually consider if I wanted a future with him.
Running away and not telling anyone, it was easier.
” I sniffle, wiping my face. “And I know it was a shitty thing to hook up with you after telling Ronin we couldn’t be together.
I don’t know what I was thinking. He should hate me for all the shit I’ve put him through. ”
Bree scoffs. “That man could never hate you.”
“Yeah, well, he should. I don’t deserve him.”
She’s silent for a few moments, her features softening the longer she’s lost in thought.
Finally, she tilts her face back to me. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you and I were a mistake.
Maybe a bit ill-timed, now that I know what was really going on.
But I don’t regret being with you.” Bree levels me with a stare.
“We both knew it was never going to be anything serious. Whatever we had, it’s not the same compared to what you and Ronin could be. ”
I nod, but I don’t say anything in response. We sit together in silence, watching the rain and passing the wine bottle back and forth until it’s empty.
“These kinds of conversations are never easy to have.” Bree tucks a strand of her pink hair behind her ear.
“When I met Brooke, it was like something clicked into place, and I knew she was it for me. But I had to tell you, and I was terrified of hurting you or ruining our friendship. But sometimes you have to take those risks, or you’re never truly living.
” She bumps my shoulder with hers. “Thankfully, my girlfriend was also my bestie, and she didn’t hold it against me when I left her for another woman. ”
I snort. “You don’t know about the glitter bomb research I did before you left.”
Bree cocks an eyebrow. “I have no idea what that means and I get the feeling I don’t want to know.” She shakes her head with a small laugh before continuing, “This thing with Ronin? I think it’s worth the risk. If there is still anything there between you two, you owe it to yourselves to find out.”
“Yeah, well…that’s if Ronin still wants to talk to me after I stood him up tonight. And if he can forgive me for being Blue Fields’ biggest asshole all these years.”
“Ronin is an understanding guy. Like probably the most understanding guy. I’m sure if you tell him you fell asleep, he’ll get it. He saw how drunk your ass was last night.” She shoots me a teasing smirk. “He might be hurting right now, but you can always call or text him.”
Bree pulls me in for a hug. “I love you, you stupid asshole. I just want to see you happy. I hope you know that.”
“I don’t even have his number anymore,” I sigh.
“I’ll send it to you.”
More sniffles follow before I whisper sheepishly, “Okay. But after we finish that other bottle of wine you brought.”
Bree laughs as she twists the cap open on the second bottle of rosé.
“I got you, Mellie. What else are best friends for?”