Chapter Seven #2
“It still doesn’t feel real, D. I knew things were going to change, but I guess I didn’t anticipate how much. I don’t recognize myself, or my life. I’ve lost so many people I thought were my friends.”
“If they didn’t support you coming out, they weren’t your friends to begin with. Fuck ’em.”
I smile at his bluntness.
“Tell it like it is, Damien.”
“You know I always do. Things suck right now and you’re under a shitload of stress, I’m not denying that, but think about what starting over means. Whoever comes into your life from here on out is going to be aligned with who you are as a person, not just as a hockey player.”
I’m wading through the shock of change—friends, cities, teams, homes—but Damien’s comment makes me pause.
Lately I’ve been questioning whether I made the right choice, even though I know in my heart that I did.
It’s like sitting in the sin bin; I’m frustrated but it doesn’t last forever.
And he’s right, now I know who my real friends are, even if there’s not a legion of them.
I think back to the messages I got from several players on different teams. I’m not totally alone.
And then there’s Finn. He’s been the biggest surprise of all.
“I didn’t think of it that way.”
“Mark my words, a couple of months from now, you’re going to be living your best life. Better than anything that came before. Better than anything you can imagine right now.”
I want that more than anything.
“I wish I had your confidence, D.”
“You’ve got it, Sel. It’s taken a hit, but it’ll come back. You’ve got the passion and you’re a fighter, and I’m so fucking proud of you—” Damien pauses. “There are people in your life who have your back. Let us support you.”
My chest warms, and I feel like a fool for avoiding him for so long.
“Ever consider a career in psychology instead of coaching?”
“Please,” Damien scoffs. “This is the extent of my life advice.”
“Well, I appreciate your perspective all the same. And I could use it on something else. I’m not supposed to tell anyone but fuck it—”
“What’s going on?”
“Between you and me, the team’s PR director, Hugo, wants to set me up with a fake boyfriend for my image. A football player who’s also come out.”
“Are you joking?”
“Do I sound like I’m laughing?”
“I wasn’t expecting that. I’d have thought they’d suggest a girlfriend. Does this mean the league is finally evolving?”
“New York wants to be a champion when it comes to inclusivity. Or so they say. I guess as long as I’m only seen out with one man, they’re good.
They think it’ll get positive press until the next breaking news hits.
I pushed back on the idea, but it’s coming from management, and Hugo made it sound like I don’t have a choice. ”
“How long is this PR relationship supposed to last?”
“Two months.” I sigh. “I don’t want to jeopardize my contract, but I feel weird about it.”
“If they force your hand, play them at their own game, and put a strict time limit on it.”
“It still doesn’t feel right,” I murmur, running a hand over my head. “Anyway, I’ll figure it out.”
“I’m around if you need to talk. Speaking of which, we haven’t discussed tonight’s game or your new teammates.”
“We played, we lost. Not much else to say.”
“By one goal,” Damien adds. “It wasn’t a total disaster.”
“No, it wasn’t. And to be fair, Finn and I only had a week’s training with the team. Most of the players seem friendly, staff too.”
Except for Brady and St. Clare. I don’t want to worry Damien, so I keep that to myself for now.
“And what’s it like playing with Finn? I’m so proud of him too. Who would’ve imagined this summer that you’d end up on a team with one of my former players?”
“I know,” I chuckle. “And he did so good, D. For his first game, I was impressed.”
“Silas texted him earlier. The Rush were partying, you didn’t join them?”
My gut tightens.
“No, I skipped it. My sleep’s been fucked and I’m just starting to get back into a routine. Maybe next time. But I’m sure Finn’s having a blast.”
He’s probably got beautiful people crawling all over him.
“I sent him a congratulatory email, but give him my best,” Damien adds.
“I will.” I sigh and look out my window at the city skyline. “Now, enough about me and the Rush, how’s married life?”
“Incredible,” Damien replies with a dirty chuckle. “Silas and I connect on a level that I can’t even put into words.”
“That good, huh? Highly recommend?”
“A hundred million out of ten.”
“Even after the shit you went through with your ex?”
Damien’s ex-wife wasn’t a supportive partner. Not when he got injured and he never returned as a player. When his professional hockey career was done, she was done with him. Silas, however, is so in love with Damien that there’s no question he’s the priority.
“Fuck yeah. But you know what? I wouldn’t be the husband I am now if I hadn’t gone through all that. What doesn’t kill you, right?”
“And how’s the job?”
“Still good. But I’ve been scoping out NHL teams about an assistant coaching position. I want back in the league so bad, Sel.”
“And Silas?”
“There’s been some buzz, so we’re still hoping. Maybe he’ll get called to a training camp next year like Finn, fingers crossed. But Si also talked about coaching as another possibility. I’ll let you know as soon as we know.”
“That’s going to be challenging for you guys.”
“We’ve got a plan. I’m waiting to see if he gets an offer, and I’ll make my decision based on that. As long as we’re on the same coast, we’re good.”
I couldn’t imagine my life with a partner at this point, never mind balancing two careers that required so much travel.
“I guess I’m not the only one dealing with major life changes.”
And my instinct told me the biggest change had yet to come.