Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
COLBY
The words swim on the page, blurring together in a way that causes my eyes to ache. The peaceful silence of the library is being disrupted by the chaos running through my brain.
I’ll do it.
Tyler’s words have left me reeling since he said them yesterday.
I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything since.
I coasted through practice, going through the motions on autopilot, then again through my final class of the day.
I don’t remember anything from the textbook I read last night, and nothing seems to be registering in my brain right now.
I’ll do it.
Fuck. Why am I more nervous now than I was before I asked him?
“Staring at the wall isn’t going to give you the answers.”
I startle in my seat at the sound of Stassie’s voice, jumping so hard in my chair I hit my knee on the table leg.
“Shit, Stas, why did you have to scare me like that?” I curse under my breath and rub the sharp pain away from my knee.
She drops into the seat next to me and arches her brow. “I said your name three times, but you were locked in a trance.”
Shaking my head, I lower my gaze back to the textbook in front of me. None of it makes any sense, and I worry I’m not in the right headspace to retain any of the information, no matter how hard I try.
“What’s up with you, anyway? I came by to see you, but you’d already gone,” she asks, retrieving her textbooks from her bag.
I glance around the library. We’re the only ones in this section on the second floor. The table we’re seated at faces a large window, but the view is blocked by a large willow tree. Most of the other students prefer to sit on the other end, where they have a view of the quad and the magnolia trees.
“Tyler spoke to me yesterday,” I say in a whisper.
Stassie’s eyes light up. “Yeah? What did he say?”
“He said he’d do it.”
She lets out a choked noise, sounding like a baby bird, and claps her hands quietly. “So, he’s going to help you?”
I nod, unable to stop the smile from appearing on my face. “Yeah.”
“Eeep!” She beams, balling her hands into fists before grabbing onto my arm. “If you ever need me to go out, just say the word. We can have a code or something.”
Laughing softly under my breath, I shake my head. “We haven’t talked about what or where yet. Like, we leave for the regionals tomorrow, and we won’t get back until late Sunday night. And we can’t do anything in the hotel because those walls are paper-thin.”
“True.” She purses her lips in thought. “Why don’t you invite him over tonight? I’ve got a late class, then I’m meeting a few of my friends from theatre class at the diner. I could stay out until you give me the signal he’s gone?”
“I don’t want to kick you out so I can figure out when I’m gonna get laid.”
She swats my arm. “You’re not kicking me out; I’m offering. I mean, I can’t hear what you do in your room anyway, and I can always put on noise-canceling headphones, but it might make you feel less nervous if it’s just the two of you there.”
I glance back down at my textbook and idly draw on the Post-it note stuck on the open page. Knowing it’ll only be me and Tyler on our floor will make me feel more at ease, but I don’t think anything will settle it completely.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive,” she says without hesitation.
I offer her a small smile. “You’re awesome, you know that?”
“Yeah, I do, but it’s nice to have the validation.” She grins. “Now, shut up and let me concentrate. Just because your grades don’t matter because you’re going to be making millions soon being a super-hot hockey player doesn’t mean mine don’t.”
I scoff under my breath. She’s right, my grades don’t matter, but it’s still important to me to put in the effort. It’s all part of the college experience I was so desperate to have.
Returning my attention back to my own textbook, we fall into a comfortable silence. I try to refocus on reading about consumer behavior, though my attention is firmly set on Tyler Beckmann.
I manage to study for an hour with Stassie, then head to my economics class before making my way over to the practice facility.
With us heading to the regionals tomorrow, we have another video session, a workout, and some light drills.
Luckily, I don’t have any more classes today, so it’ll give me the chance to pack.
And maybe ask Tyler to come over so we can figure out how we’re going to make this work.
As usual, I’m the first to arrive at the facility, and now that I don’t need to avoid Tyler in case I burst into flames with embarrassment, I’m back in my normal routine.
I make myself a protein shake, grab a premade chicken and rice bowl from the fridge, and a blueberry muffin from the tray.
Taking my usual seat in front of the TV, I eat my lunch while watching the highlights from the Vancouver Steelheads game last night.
That is, until Tyler walks in and steals my focus.
He doesn’t notice me right away, so it gives me the chance to take him in.
Tyler walks with this air of confidence I wish I could possess. It’s so effortless. He has his headphones on, preoccupying his attention as he bobs his head to whatever he’s listening to.
His hair is slightly damp under his backward hat, curling at the ends where it meets the collar of his jacket. He opens the fridge and pulls out a few tubs of fruit before throwing them into the smoothie machine.
I can hear him humming to himself over the whirl of the mixer, and I take a sip of my shake to stop myself from smiling.
Tyler still hasn’t noticed me until he almost reaches the couch, and then his eyes land on me, head jerking a fraction, like he’s clearly surprised to see me sitting there.
He drops down onto the couch next to me, places his food and smoothie on the coffee table in front of us, and quickly removes his headphones.
“Hey. What you doing here so early?” He tilts his wrist to look at his watch. “We’ve still got, like, forty minutes.”
My lips twist in a wry smile.
“I usually get here like an hour earlier if I can.” I motion toward my almost empty bowl with my fork. “Saves me some money on food when I can eat here for free and watch some TV.”
He coughs out a laugh. “I’m sure you don’t need to save money.”
“I can’t spend it if I haven’t earned it yet.”
“Truth. Plus, the first few years of your paycheck need to be spent wisely. It’s a good time to look at long-term investment.”
I can’t help the wide grin I flash his way.
“Listen to you being all professional. You going to be my financial advisor or something?”
He gives me a droll look.
“Might as well, seeing as that’s what my future looks like,” he mumbles, ripping his muffin in half and shoving it into his mouth.
I watch him for a minute, noting the tension in his jaw as he chews, his hard gaze fixed on the TV. The instant change in his mood tells me there’s a story there, and it’s on the tip of my tongue to ask what’s so wrong about his future, but now isn’t the time or place.
So I swallow back my words, and we eat our food in a companionable silence.
“What do you think about the Steelheads’ chances in the playoffs this year?” Tyler asks.
I glance back to the TV, where the talk show hosts are talking about the team’s best player, Beau Rousseau.
“I think they’ve got a good chance, but it all depends on whether the rest of the team shows up when it counts. They seem to be solid throughout the season, then whenever it comes to playoffs, it’s like their whole dynamic falls apart.”
He nods in agreement. “I agree. I kinda feel sorry for Rousseau. The guy can’t seem to catch a break.”
“Yeah. He’s carrying the entire franchise on his back.”
My words linger in the air like a weighted admission.
I’m aware of the articles and statements claiming I’m a franchise-altering talent, but the pressure that comes with that is suffocating.
Will I be in the same position as Beau Rousseau? Will I be the one people blame for the team’s struggles or if they fail to secure the Cup? I don’t know if I could handle that level of scrutiny.
Like he knows I need a distraction, Tyler flicks his gaze toward the empty door before lowering his voice slightly.
“I was thinking about everything earlier.”
I cock my head to look at him. “Oh?”
“Maybe I can come over later? You can tell me more about, you know… your plans.”
“Uh, yeah… yeah, that would be good.” I clear my throat. “I was going to ask if you wanted to come over later because I’m like… a rookie.”
He tilts his head, a smile playing on his lips urging me to continue.
“Like, literally.”
His eyes widen a fraction. “In everything?”
I nod again.
“Okay, well, we can work with that,” he says reassuringly. “Well, I’ll come over like, seven? I’ll bring some food.”
“Yeah, okay. That sounds good.”
He flashes me a wide smile, though it does nothing to settle the nerves swirling inside me.
How am I going to get through practice now?
Thankfully, I manage to get through practice without falling over my skates or fumbling the puck whenever Tyler came near me.
I head back to my room and change into a T-shirt and shorts, and then I pace around like a caged animal.
Stassie has stayed out like she promised, but it hasn’t stopped her from lighting up my phone with encouraging messages.
Stassie
don’t stress, it’ll be fine. he likes you, remember?
he wouldn’t do this if he didn’t want to.
just be open and honest with him. let him know what you want out of it, and remember, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with or ready for.
Sighing, I drop onto my bed and bury my face into my pillow.
Can I really do this?
The need to vomit burns in my chest from the nerves bubbling in my stomach like a witch’s cauldron.
What if it’s awkward? What if he realizes that he doesn’t want to help me because I’m inexperienced at, like, everything?
I wasn’t kidding when I told him I’m a rookie. In every sense of the word.