Chapter 24 #2
Tossing my diploma and cap into the back seat, I pull off my gown and throw that in too. Colby watches me with a cautious expression, like I’m a wild animal and he’s gauging how I’ll react.
When I open the door and get in, he slides into the passenger seat.
“Tyler?” he asks, and I hate the hint of fear in his voice.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
Dropping my head forward, I chew on my lip, hard enough for my teeth to break the skin. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”
Colby’s breath hitches, and I flinch like I’ve been slapped.
“What?”
“I need to pack tonight, ready for the removal company to pick it up in the morning, then I’m leaving to catch a flight back to Arizona.”
“Did you talk to him and tell him you didn’t want the job?”
I squeeze my eyes closed, fighting off the burn in my eyes, and he must take my silence as my answer.
“So, what? That’s it? He shows up and makes demands, and you just let him treat you like shit?” Frustration seeps into his voice as he continues. “I thought we had a plan.”
“We did, but that was before I realized it’s not going to be that easy.
I have nothing, Colby. If I tell my dad I don’t want his job, I have no doubt he’ll disown me and cut me off.
” I tilt my head to face him, and pain laces through me at the panic written across his face.
“I can’t just walk away because I don’t have anything to my name. ”
His lips press together in a flat line, but it doesn’t do anything to stop them from quivering. I lower my head again, shame and heartbreak washing over me.
The tension in the air thickens as minutes tick by in silence. My palms sweat where they’re trembling in my lap.
“Are you giving up on me?” he asks so quietly my heart breaks.
“No,” I whisper. “I just need some time to figure things out so I can be worthy of you.”
Colby lets out an unamused scoff that has me glancing over at him. He shakes his head as he stares out the windshield. His jaw ticks, and then his next words come out quiet and defeated.
“I’m fucking terrified of what happens once I leave Whilton U.
I don’t know where I’m going to be living or what team I’m going to be playing for.
I don’t know how I’m going to handle everything that gets thrown at me, knowing it’s going to be heavier than what I’ve experienced so far, but you know what I do know? ”
He turns his attention onto me, pinning me with those eyes I’ve loved since the moment I saw him. Only this time, they are full of pain that I’ve caused.
“I know that I love you and that I can get through anything with you by my side.”
Biting the inside of my cheek hard, I swallow around the sour ache in my throat and say, “I love you too.”
Colby’s mouth twists in a sad smile. “You won’t let me help you with this, will you?”
I shake my head, and he gives a small nod. His chest rises as he takes in a deep breath, and nothing could prepare me for the overwhelming ache that takes over when he asks, “Were you even going to say goodbye, Tyler?”
A tear falls down my cheek as I choke back a sob.
Fuck, did he really think I would do that? Does he not know how much he means to me? That I could just walk away from this—from us—without looking back?
Reaching out, I take Colby’s hand in mind, not caring that I’m clammy and shaking like a fucking mess.
“Yes. Please don’t think I would ever do that to you,” I sniff, wiping my face with my other hand. “My head is all kinds of fucked-up right now, and I’m not thinking clearly. But I promise you, I would never leave without saying goodbye.”
Tears cling to Colby’s lashes as he stares at me, his nostrils flaring with each deep breath he takes. I squeeze his hand and try to steady my voice as best as I can so he knows I’m being serious.
“I just need some time, okay? We’ve been living in a bubble for so long, and I need some time to figure things out.
Whether it’s working remotely for my dad or something else,” I say as a small seed of hope blooms in my stomach.
“You’ve got the combine coming up soon, right?
So while you’re focusing on that, I’ll work on finding a way for us to be together. ”
His exhale is long and heavy, and I don’t let go of his hand as he closes his eyes. I’m aware of the people heading back to their cars who will no doubt see us if they’re looking, but I can’t bring myself to pull myself away.
A minute goes by, then another, and I’m about to beg him to please say something when he opens his eyes again.
“Okay.”
I furrow my brows and cock my head slightly. “Okay?”
“There’s nothing I can do or say to change that voice in your head that’s making you believe you’re not worthy of me. Because you are worthy, Tyler. You’re worthy of every good fucking thing in the world, and I want to be the one to give it to you. So, when you’re ready, I’ll be waiting for you.”
Colby slips his hand out from mine and reaches for the door handle.
“Wait!” I yelp, grabbing hold of his arm to stop him.
He turns toward me, and my pulse pounds erratically in my ears as my head and heart fight for dominance.
I want to kiss him. To let him know that I love him, and I will come back for him.
But the parking lot is filling with people, some with cameras as they take photos to immortalize this special day. And I refuse to risk outing Colby just to satisfy my own need.
Colby’s eyes search mine, and he must be able to read my inner turmoil on my face because he gives me a pained smile.
“We can’t,” he whispers, the two words coming out like they’re being dragged over broken glass.
“I love you,” I profess.
“I love you too,” he replies, then opens the door.
My hands drop from his arm, and I can’t do anything except watch him get out of the car without looking back. The door slams shut, and I flinch.
Then I just sit there, numb, as I stare out the window. People walk by as they return to their cars, smiling and full of joy.
Blissfully unaware that I’ll always remember this day as the day my world fractured into pieces.