67. Rose
ROSE
My feet are numb, my legs feel like they could give out at any second, and my shoulder screams in pain, but I’m home.
Well, I’m at my loft. I’m not sure if it actually feels like home anymore.
I was starting to feel like Dante’s place felt more like home than any other house or apartment I’ve lived in, but not now.
Now that I know everything we had between us was based on secrets and lies.
Luckily, my building and loft can be accessed with a security code, considering I don’t have keys or any belongings with me outside of the clothes I’m wearing.
But after the events of this evening, everything I’m wearing will need to be thrown out.
I don’t want a single item to remind me of what happened tonight, and what and who I’ve lost.
Walking through my front door, I don’t pause at all, knowing it will lock behind me.
I go straight to my bathroom and my walk-in shower, stripping every layer of clothing off as I go.
The water is barely warm enough as I step under the spray, but the pain of losing Luc and the exhaustion from everything I’ve been through tonight takes the strength from me, and I sink to the floor, my back sliding against the cold tiles.
I wrap my arms around my legs, hugging them to my chest, careful not to aggravate my sore shoulder, and I sit there under the water, letting it wash away the dirt, blood, and tears from my body.
How could Dante do this to me? How could he lie to my face after everything we shared?
After I gave him my heart and my body? It’s at moments like this when I wish I did have a mom to call and cry to and have her tell me that everything will be okay or offer to murder whoever hurt me.
But apparently, she’s gone too, so even though I once had a mother, I will never be able to meet her, even if I didn’t know who she was until tonight. Liliana. Lily. My mom.
I still have so many questions about everything.
Like, why would Angelo want to find me after all this time?
And why send Dante, instead of, I don’t know, calling me on the phone like a normal person?
I’m sure if they could find out who I was and where I was living, they could’ve easily found my phone number.
And why did those men come to Dante’s tonight?
From the way Angelo and Dante were talking, it sounded like they were after me? But why me? Maybe they were actually looking for Dante. He seems to be involved with some less-than-legal activities if he is willing to stalk someone for almost a year.
That’s something to unpack later for sure.
And why am I not safe anymore? And how did Luc know I was in danger?
With that thought, a new round of sobs racks my body, and I can barely breathe thinking about the last thing he said to me.
Decaf. I can’t believe I only just got him back in my life, just to lose him again, for good this time, and the last word he said was “decaf.” Dante pulled me away before I could even respond.
Before I could tell him I never stopped loving him and wanted him back in my life.
How was I so foolish to waste the time we had these last few weeks holding onto the past instead of living in the present?
As the water from the shower turns cold, I find the strength to stand and dry myself off.
I don’t bother with clothes as I climb into my bed with my towel still wrapped around me.
I just want to sleep, and with any luck, I will wake up tomorrow and everything that happened tonight will have just been a nightmare, and I will never have met Dante or taken his job.
Even if that means I never reconnected with Luc in real life.
I’m okay with that if it means he is still alive somewhere out there.