Chapter 10
Ten
Zasen
Iwove back through the stalls on my way home, but my attention was on the torc in my hands. Slipping it from the bag, I was shocked to find it was so heavy. Not unbearably so, but it weighed enough she might not like it.
And yet, the colors were perfect. Four different shades for four very different people, and they all worked together to make something better.
The design was simple enough to be sturdy, but beautiful enough to be something I hoped she'd like wearing.
I also knew it wasn't solid gold, but the weight proved there was more than I'd expected.
Turning the corner, I was lost in all the fine details when a tail smacked me in the ass.
Shocked, I sucked in a breath and turned, ready to tell someone off - and my eyes landed on Lessa.
She smirked, obviously proud of herself for the smack, right up until her eyes landed on the thing in my hands.
"What the fuck is that?" she demanded, storming to close the distance between us so she could snatch it from my hands.
"It's a torc," I said, struggling to keep from snatching it back.
Pulling in a hard breath, she lifted her chin and demanded, "And who the fuck are you getting a token for, Zasen?
Do you know how many of these I had made for you?
Do you remember how many times you turned them down, and then you do this?
" She waved the thing in my face. "Torcs aren't meant to be removed! "
"That," I said, taking the jewelry back from her, "is the point."
"Who?" she snarled.
The look I gave her was both exhausted and making it clear she knew that answer. "Really?"
"Ayla?" Her voice was nearly a growl. "You are giving that woman a fucking torc?!"
"We," I said, emphasizing this wasn't just me, "are offering it to her. I also don't care if you approve, Less."
"That woman is scared to death of marriage."
"I'm not marrying her."
She clenched her teeth so hard I swore I heard them crack. "And you think she's going to be okay with this?"
"I think," I told her, "that she asked Rymar about dating. I think the three of us talked. More than all of that, Less, I think it's none of your business."
Her jaw finally released - and a smile took over. "Good!" she said, lunging in to throw her arms around my neck in a surprisingly hard hug. "It sounds like you have it all figured out, and I'm so glad you've finally found someone, Zasen."
"What?" I leaned back, making sure no one had replaced this woman with a happier copy. "I'm so confused."
"Omden pointed out that you and me? We'd kill each other, Zee.
Worse, we'd make each other miserable in the process.
We're too much alike. Too serious. Fuck, too angry most days.
But that girl of yours? She's cute." She rocked her head from side to side.
"Which is why I was jealous when you had me make clothes for her. "
"She's more than cute," I explained. "Lessa, she's everything. Strong, soft, driven, naive, brilliant, and any description you can think of, Ayla is exactly that when she needs to be. And yes, she's beautiful, but so are you. But things with her..."
"Work?" she offered.
"Yeah," I breathed, nodding slowly. "That's the best way to explain it."
"And I am happy for you," she assured me. "I just wanted to make sure you three aren't in this for the wrong reasons. You know, like I was."
"We're not," I promised, skipping over her little admission. It was safer that way. "Rymar made sure she knows how to say no. I made sure she knows how to defend herself. Kanik made sure she feels safe enough to talk instead of run. More than all of that, she's started asking."
"Yeah, but all three of you?" She made a face. "Zee, that might be a bit much for her. Down there, those girls were not treated well."
"Trust me, I know." And I huffed out a laugh. "Makes me want to kill them more." Then I changed the subject. "How's your little apprentice doing?"
"Meri?" The softest smile took over Lessa's face. It wasn't an expression I was used to seeing on her. "She's healing. She's confused about the whole concept, too. Omden took some time off to keep an eye on her, because the one time she was home alone, she started cleaning."
"It's what they know," I agreed. "But give her something to do, Less. I know for Ayla, she felt useless and like her debt was growing. She needed a purpose to make her feel like there wasn't a catch."
"Oh, Ommy figured that out already," she said. "He has her designing a new wardrobe for Drozel, because the lug has no fashion sense. And in doing so, he's showing her they have a few things in common."
"Does she understand that he's gay?" I asked.
Lessa paused with her mouth open. "I think so, but I don't honestly know."
"Brielle and Jeera have a boyfriend," I pointed out. "You have plenty of -"
"Not anymore," she said, cutting me off. "I happen to have one very nice man who is not at all what I thought I wanted, but ended up surprising me."
"Drozel?"
"Yeah." She glanced away. "And he's encouraging me with Meri, but I don't know if she's attracted to women at all."
"She probably doesn't either," I pointed out. "That wasn't an option. For Ayla, we rewrote the rules. Marriage, as she knew it, was for producing children. Relationships, as Dragons do them, are for emotions. It's taken her a bit to figure it out."
"Yeah, and Meri was raped."
I murmured, showing I understood what she meant. "So go slow. Be a friend first."
Lessa simply flicked a finger at the torc I was still holding. "So when are you giving that to her?"
"Soon."
"When?" she pressed.
"When she understands it's not a proposal." I shrugged. "We want to do it soon, but we're playing it by ear."
"No, makes sense," she said. "I'm also happy for you."
"When are you getting Drozel one?" I teased.
She made a face and rocked her head again. "I don't know if I want that anymore. If I'm honest, I thought claiming a partner would ensure someone missed me when the Moles took me. I thought you'd get revenge for me."
"Makes sense," I agreed, since her entire family had been killed by them. "So what do you want now?"
"I want to be happy," she said. "I don't really know how to do that, but seeing Meri working the sewing machine and hearing her gush over the fabric? I don't know. It made me realize how much crap I'm taking for granted. I mean, my life is pretty good."
"And you made it that way."
"Yeah," she breathed. "But I can help Meri do the same. It doesn't have to be all about me, you know? And Ommy's been stealing scraps of cloth for Meri to embroider. He doesn't know it, but I'm using the finished pieces on clothes for him."
That made me do a double take. "Wait, you and Omden?"
"He's gay," she huffed.
"Doesn't mean you two aren't working as partners," I countered. "With Drozel, but still. Less, this? I'm so happy for you."
"Yeah?"
I nodded. "It sounds like you've finally found the people you belong with. I think Omden just wants to not be excluded, and Droz? Well, you know he has a wandering eye, right? Means you won't have to worry about him trying to tie you down."
"Shit," she said around a laugh. "I'm one of those things his eye wandered to.
And yes, I made sure Omden was okay with it first, but it sounds like that's their thing.
Omden's libido is lower than Drozel's, but they like talking about it.
Droz seduces someone, then gets all cute about it with Ommy, and it works for them. "
"All relationships are different," I agreed. "But what about you? Would you really be happy with only one man?"
She paused, clearly thinking about that for a moment.
"I don't know," she finally admitted. "I like the chase.
I'm also so tired of the chase. I think my problem is less about who I fuck and more about having people in my life I can spend time with.
Ommy works for that. We talk, we're on the same page, and I dunno. It scratches that itch."
"I think you finally have your first real friend," I told her. "Well, at least the way our refugee girls use the word."
Again she paused. This time, her brow creased and her tail twitched behind her.
"Huh," she finally said. "Okay, that does put things in perspective.
When she had the baby and turned to Ayla?
Zasen, I about lost my damned mind. She was my friend, and I'd been helping her, but Ayla was the one she trusted in that moment, and it fucking hurt.
But then Drozel pointed out that Ayla's family.
Not a friend, and certainly not a lover, but her damned family, and one she wasn't even allowed to have. "
"Yeah," I grumbled. "The fucking Moles tried to isolate those girls. Their women are put in a situation where they don't have help. They can either take it or lean on their husbands. There's no other option, so all these choices we're giving them up here?"
"Yeah," Lessa said, nodding like she was thinking. "And Meri is my friend. I honestly like her. She feels like Saveah did back before she met Tasult."
I made a little noise, letting her know that did not sit well with me. Falling in love with a man who'd been my dear friend was not something to resent. Worse, since he died protecting his family!
"I mean to me," she hurried to explain. "Meri's the one who gets me.
Saveah did too, but back then we were chasing boys, not clothes.
When Saveah settled down, that stopped. I didn't realize how much I missed it until Meri started sewing, and it's the same feeling.
The same rush? I don't even know how to explain it, but I do like it. "
"So be her friend," I suggested. "I know that sounds obvious, but Less, these girls? Friendship is what they need. It's how to get them to relax. It also seems to be the one thing that made Ayla give us a chance. I don't know, but maybe Meri's the same?"
"And probably straight," she reminded me.
I shrugged. "I don't know. It's possible, and she's probably not ready for anything more than hand-holding. Move slow, okay? And if she is straight, do not abandon her when she needs you most?"
"I have no intention of that," she promised. "If nothing else, Ommy needs a girl in his life. Drozel wants to protect her. Those two feel so bad about their first meeting with Ayla, and Meri's a lot easier to handle. She's open and honest - and it sounds like Ayla wasn't."
"Ayla," I reminded her, "didn't speak Vestrian, didn't want to show a weakness, and was completely confused. She was trying to save herself from us, not realizing we're actually the good guys."
Which made Lessa roll her eyes. "Keep telling yourself that, Zee. I think that proves it, though. You saw a girl trying to fight back with silence. The rest of us saw a threat. You would probably want to wring Meri's neck most days, but she works with us."
"Us," I repeated, making her aware of what she'd just said. "Sounds almost like a family, Less."
"Fuck off," she said, laughing again. "You know what I meant."
"But do you?" I asked. "I mean, if you ever need a good jeweler..." I lifted the torc, making it clear what I was implying.
"I bought you plenty of those from Tania," she shot back.
"I'm the one who showed you the good jeweler, so don't try that shit.
" She gestured to the bag. "And put that away before everyone in the market knows what you're doing.
If you want this to be a surprise, Zasen, you can't do the bragging first. You have to actually wait until she puts her sign on it. "
"Yeah," I agreed, sliding the torc back into the bag. "That's the part that scares me, though."
"It should," she said. "A torc is serious. This isn't a passing thing for you. It could go completely wrong..." And she clasped my upper arm and stepped closer. "But it won't. You are a very good man. Not an easy one, but a good one, and that Phoenix of yours is smart enough to see it too."
"Yeah," I said. "Thanks, Less."
"Thanks for never saying yes to me." She gave me one last smile, then turned and walked away.
But she had a point. This? Asking Ayla? It felt so right, and that scared the shit out of me. But when I tried to figure out why, it all came back to the same thing.
She could say no.