Chapter 15
Fifteen
Ayla
There was a tension in the house lately that I didn't understand. It had started just before the last battle. Then the Moles hadn't shown up, and for the last week, Zasen, Rymar, and Kanik had spent a lot of time whispering to each other and sounding worried.
I did my best to ignore it. I could understand the concern, because I kept thinking about how I'd get my letter to Callah if I didn't see Tobias again.
And without him, I couldn't get the code, so I wouldn't be able to open the door and get her out!
As much as I hated to admit it, we needed them to attack again.
But we'd lost too many people last time.
I wanted to save Callah. I felt like I had to, but was it fair to risk so many lives to get one person out? I wanted to say yes, but I knew better. Sadly, I just didn't know what to do, so when Zasen announced he was going to remove Kanik's sutures and asked Rymar for help instead of me?
I didn't like this. I didn't like any of it, but I did understand.
Still, Kanik was healthy enough to finally have his sutures removed, which meant he was going to be okay.
The antibiotics had worked, and he didn't have an infection even after the filth in his wound, so I was going to focus on that.
I also really wanted to throw something.
"Holly?" I asked my dog, pointing to the back door. "Want to play fetch?"
Immediately, she was up, running that way. I grabbed one of her balls from the floor and decided it would work today. I didn't want to hunt down sticks every time she chewed one in half, and she'd always bring back a ball.
But in Kanik's room, I could hear the men talking softly. For a moment, I debated checking on them, but I knew that if they'd wanted me, they would've yelled. None of them had an issue with screaming in the house.
Outside, the sunlight made it better. It was still bright to my eyes, but manageable now after so many months here. Beside me, Holly kept trying to sit - her way of begging for me to throw the ball.
"Fetch!" I said, throwing it into the empty land beside the house rather than toward the hill behind it.
She tore off, running so hard she slid as she grabbed the ball. Then she came back with as much speed, dropping her rump to the ground before she was finished moving. I took the ball from her mouth and did it again - and it helped.
Throwing the ball felt like lashing out at the unfairness of all of this. Working with Holly reminded me why it was so good up here. I loved this dog so much. I'd never expected to feel this way about anything but a child, and yet I had never wanted one of those. Holly was so much better.
Somewhere in there, the back door creaked open. I turned, intending to ask how Kanik was doing, and my eyes landed on brown scales, lavender ones too, and a beautiful smile as Kanik gently made his way onto the grass. Behind him, Rymar and Zasen followed.
"Kanik!" I gasped, forgetting all about Holly to hurry over. "You're walking!"
"He's officially cleared for meandering around," Zasen said.
Rymar just nudged the man in the back.
So Kanik cleared his throat. "Um..." And he lifted up a large circle of gold. "Ayla..."
"What is that?" I asked.
"Let him finish," Rymar said. "Trust me, Ayla."
I nodded, so Kanik cleared his throat again. "So, do you remember what I said before I got hurt? The part about liking you?"
"Yeah. I can't forget that."
"Well," he said, offering me the golden circle.
"Ayla, there's a thing Dragons do, and we know you don't know about it, but we'd like you to accept this as a token of our feelings for you.
We've all marked our signs on it, and if you choose to accept it, all you have to do is put yours in the empty spot. "
"I don't understand," I said softly, looking at the thing.
It was beautiful. Four colors of yellow metal were twisted around each other, but both ends were decorated to look like something I'd find in the forest. Each color ended in a circle of the same metal just big enough to hold a sign, and on the side with three, I saw one for each of the guys.
Rymar's rose was at the top, Kanik's dragonfly was below it, and Zasen's wyvern rested on the lowest loop of the three.
On the other side, the bright gold circle was empty.
"Ayla, not all Dragons marry," Rymar explained. "We still give gifts to show a relationship is meant to be serious."
"No, no, no," Zasen grumbled. "We need to start before that."
"And I really wouldn't mind sitting," Kanik said.
"Here," I told him, moving in to wrap my arm around his waist. "Holly, get your ball!"
"Come," Rymar said. I didn't know if he was talking to us or the dog, but he headed to the table the men kept back here for cookouts. "Lie." And he pointed to the ground. "Sit." This time, he pulled out the closest chair, clearly meaning that for Kanik.
"Do you feel okay?" I asked as I helped him into it. "Still sore?"
"Yeah," he admitted, "but I wanted to stand for this."
"And you sit beside him," Zasen said, claiming the chair across the table.
Rymar took the one beside me. "Okay, so where do we start, Zasen?"
"Tokens," Zasen said, pointing at the thing I held.
"That is a torc. It's a type of necklace that's meant to be nearly permanent.
You can take them off, but you don't need to.
The metal can be worn when bathing, fighting, hunting, and more.
It's just a necklace, though. What makes something a token is when it's intended to mark a relationship, Ayla. "
"Okay?"
Rymar opened his mouth, but Zasen lifted a hand, stopping Rymar so he could finish.
"Ayla, Dragons don't always get married.
We do have partnerships. We can also change our minds.
From a divorce like Meri got to simply breaking up because it's not working, we always have options.
And yet, from meeting to spending our lives together, there has to be some way to mark the difference in intentions, right? "
"That makes sense," I agreed, feeling like I was missing something obvious.
"And," Rymar said, ignoring Zasen's best attempt to make him wait, "I told them about our discussion. You wanted to know how to date, and I said I'd check to see what they thought about it, right?"
My face immediately began to heat up. I didn't even know if that was something to be embarrassed about, and yet I was. I felt overly exposed and was sure I'd done something stupid again.
"And this is my answer," Kanik told me. "Ayla, my dragonfly on there means this is my way of asking you to not just date, but to be my partner.
I want to have a relationship with you. One of friends, and maybe some kissing.
Definitely hand-holding and hugs. I like you, and I like you enough that I don't want it to be casual or meaningless. "
"Yeah?" I asked.
"I don't want to make you feel pressured," Rymar said, "but you have no idea how hard it was to not just say yes when you talked to me about it.
Ayla, I want to be more than merely a safe friend.
I want to be silly with you, and take risks, and make mistakes.
I want to think I might be able to kiss you again. "
So I looked at Zasen, aware his sign was stamped on the gold as well.
He glanced down, a smile twisting his lips.
"I thought you'd pick Kanik. We all tried to make your options clear.
" And he chuckled. "When I was trying to explain families to you, I said you could have three boyfriends because I was thinking about us.
The four of us work, Ayla. I'd like to think we've proven we can be trusted, and you set the pace of this, but you're beautiful, strong, and brilliant.
I already think of you as my partner. This would do nothing more than declare to others that we are a family. "
"I still don't want children," I reminded them.
"I'm good with that," Rymar said.
"We all are," Kanik promised while Zasen nodded.
"But if you want to try this with us," Zasen said, "You just have to stamp your phoenix on the empty space. But!" He glanced up, catching my eyes with his orange ones. "Doing that is like telling us it's okay to touch you."
"Like holding hands or putting an arm around you," Rymar hurried to clarify.
So I looked at Kanik. "And kissing?"
"I have no problem with kissing," he assured me.
"Kissing too," Zasen said, but the glint in his eyes felt like a dare.
"But you get to set the pace," Rymar said, shooting Zasen a warning glare. "Ayla, we like intimacy, but there's a lot between holding hands and sex. Now, I think all of those things are great, but you're the one who gets to decide how much you want, and how far you'll go with someone."
"Us," Kanik clarified. "Accepting a token means you're agreeing to just be with us. If you find yourself interested in someone else, you'd talk to us first."
"Or it'd be..." I paused, trying to remember the word. "The thing Lessa said. The not-right thing."
"Cheating," Rymar supplied.
"And that's like adultery?"
Zasen huffed out a laugh. "Yeah, basically, but because Dragons do families different from Moles, our rule is that your partners," and he gestured to him, Rymar, and Kanik, "would have to agree first. If they all do, then it's not cheating. If you hide it or lie about it, then it is."
My eyes dropped to the golden torc in my hands. A necklace? It didn't look like the cord I still wore around my neck. This was stronger. It felt more powerful, and I liked that. The curved ends of it were both delicate and beautiful, making it feel feminine in a way I liked.
But I'd been taught to be careful as a girl. Proposals weren't something to jump into, yet I couldn't find any reason to hesitate. This? It was what I wanted. It was the thing I'd been trying to get Rymar to explain to me that night on his bed.
I liked Zasen because he always made me feel so brave. I liked Rymar because he never made me feel stupid. I liked Kanik because he was so patient with me but never hid things from me either. I trusted these men. They were my friends, but lately that word didn't feel like enough.
I didn't feel the same way about them that I did with Meri.
I didn't love them as much as I did Holly, though.
This? It was somewhere in the middle. A wild feeling that made me want to act foolish, but they were still the ones I turned to when I was scared or unsure.
There was just one more thing I needed to know.
"So, is this how you ask someone to date?" I looked between the three of them, making it clear any of them could answer.
"This is a little more than that," Kanik admitted. "This would make us a family for as long as you wore that. If you change your mind, you simply take it off and give it back."
"You'll probably need a jeweler to help you get it off," Zasen mumbled. "Um, but Saveah, Lessa, Jeera, or even my mother could show you where to do that."
I nodded, letting my fingers play across the shiny metal. "And I just stamp it to say yes? How does one say no?"
"They hand it back," Rymar said, sounding like he was bracing.
Which made me realize I hadn't given them hope. I hadn't led them on. Worse, I'd been a bit too careful, making them think I wasn't sure! While that was the proper response as a Mole, I was a Dragon now.
"Then I'm going to need the mallet," I said. "I also don't know how to put it on."
"I'll get the mallet," Rymar said.
"And I know how to put it on," Zasen promised. "I just have to squeeze it."
"Really?" Kanik asked. "You pick the one piece of jewelry that will make her feel like you're going to choke her?"
"But he won't," I said, finally letting my smile show. "He never would, and I know that."
"Yeah," Zasen said. "But, Ayla? This means we're all going to kiss you."
"Yeah?" Even I could hear the excitement in my voice.
Which made Kanik chuckle. "I think I get to go first."
"I think Ayla does," Zasen said as Rymar hurried back out. "So, Phoenix, do you have an answer for us?"
Grabbing the hourglass-shaped metal around my neck, I slipped it over my head and held out my hand for the mallet. Rymar put it in my palm. Setting the torc on the table before me, I checked my sign to make sure it was facing the right way, then struck the top of it once.
"I say yes," I told them, lifting the die to show all of our signs arrayed before me.
And Kanik pushed to his feet, leaned across me, and cupped my face. "This," he said, leaning in, "is how you deserve to be kissed."
I looked up, my eyes closed, and his mouth found mine. Like at the hospital, I knew Zasen and Rymar were there, watching, but they'd proven this was okay. Kanik had seen me kiss Zasen. Neither of them cared, and this was a Dragon thing. I was a Dragon - their Dragon.
So I parted my lips and met Kanik's tongue with mine. The sound he made? That proved I was definitely doing it right.