Chapter 16
Sixteen
Ayla
Girlfriend. That was the word for a woman someone was dating. Partner. That meant more than simply dating. I'd learned that bit over the last week, and even thinking about it made me smile all over again. I had partners. They didn't own me, couldn't abuse me, and were men I thought of as friends.
Very handsome, very muscular, and very sweet friends.
For the first time in my life, I could understand the way Meri had gushed about Gideon, back before he'd become an asshole. I hadn't even known that word at the time, but it was the perfect way to describe him, and yet, Meri had been so giddy about getting his attention.
Now, Zasen, Rymar, and Kanik gave me theirs.
It wasn't that different from before, but those little things they were now allowed to do?
They made me feel silly and stupid - but in a good way.
Having Zasen wrap his hand around my waist as he moved past me?
Feeling Kanik move my hair over my shoulder when he spoke to me?
The way Rymar had taken to kissing my fingers every morning when he first saw me, and every night before I retired to bed?
This was everything I'd hoped for. It was all the romance from those books I'd thought were fantasy, but now I knew better. Up here, women really could have it all. I felt like I did! It was the Moles who twisted things, turning the best parts of life into something to fear.
And I was done with being scared.
Zasen had taught me how to fight. Kanik had taught me how to speak.
Rymar had taught me how to trust. Combined, I felt as strong as any man in the compound.
Of course, that was nothing like the men up here, but it was because they were better.
More handsome, brighter-colored, and kind in a way I'd thought was impossible for men.
And while I liked their kindness the most, over the last few days, I'd become fixated on the other parts. I couldn't get enough of how Kanik scrunched up his face when he thought too hard. I liked the way Zasen's muscles flexed every single time he moved. Rymar was weird, though.
His colors were hypnotic. His muscles were smaller than Zasen's, but defined in a way that made me want to feel them.
His face? If he'd been tailless, it would've been easier to call him the most attractive man I'd ever seen, but the addition of the brilliant colors over his perfect features made him feel almost unreal.
Then there were those brilliant turquoise eyes of his.
They stood out, making it impossible to miss when he watched me walk across the room.
Usually, that was with a gentle smile that made my mouth do the same.
Over the last few days, his gaze had started to crawl across my body, usually followed by a comment about my outfit looking nice, but it felt like more.
The kind of more I liked. The kind I'd thought I'd never want. The sort that still felt shameful, but shame was just a sort of fear, and I refused to give it any more power. Maybe that made me a brazen woman, but I liked being this way. I finally felt like I was being true to myself.
Heading into the kitchen, I opened the pantry and began to rummage inside.
Kanik would need lunch soon, and the guys always lost track of time.
But without food, he wouldn't get stronger, and he'd only just been allowed out of bed.
He was still restricted from lifting anything heavy or stretching, so I wanted to make sure he kept progressing.
I'd just found a loaf of bread wrapped in thin cloth on a lower shelf when a man chuckled behind me.
I was bent over, a somewhat indecent position, but my pants showed my rump no matter how I stood.
So, trying to figure out what was amusing, I glanced back to find Rymar with his tail swishing wickedly.
"What?" I asked, standing straight.
"I was just wondering if touching you would get me slapped." And he flicked his brow ridges up playfully.
I rolled my eyes at him and headed for the counter across the room. "Maybe if you startled me."
"I was talking about how you slapped Zasen that first day," he reminded me.
"Second," I corrected. "And I know, but I couldn't understand him back then, and I didn't know anything." I put the bread on the cutting block, and turned to face him. "I'm also not scared of men anymore."
"No, you are not," he agreed, shifting closer. "But I wanted to talk to you about something." And he flicked the heavy golden necklace I now wore constantly.
"About my torc?"
"Sort of," he admitted. "Ayla, usually when a family is formed.
.." He paused, grunting to show that wasn't right.
"Okay. Let me start again. Usually, families form a little at a time.
A man and a woman, another man, another woman, or whatever arrangement they want.
Us being friends and then shifting that into a family? It's a lot less common."
"Oh. Is that wrong?"
"Nope," he promised, "just surprising. But, when it happens, and the token is accepted? Most people have a celebration of sorts to let their friends and relatives know."
My hand unconsciously lifted to caress the circle that held his sign. "So they can see it?"
"So they know this thing between us is happening," he clarified. "So they can set their expectations, I guess? So we can brag about it? I'm not really sure why, but most of us invite people over and then show off the tokens."
"Should I get all of you a token first?" I asked.
"No," he said around a laugh. "That would be a mess, and you'd have to get three. No, as long as a token is accepted, it counts. You accepted it, and I'd like to brag about it."
I nodded quickly. "Okay, when? And maybe I can have Saveah there so I can brag too?"
"I expected she would be," he assured me. "My parents, maybe Kanik's? But then we get to the problem."
"Why is there a problem?"
"Because Zasen would like his mother and sister to be there. I would think you'd want to invite Meri, but Jeera would bring the baby..."
"And Meri doesn't want to see him," I realized, thinking quickly. "I don't think Meri needs to come, though."
He gave me a strange look. "Are you mad at her?"
"What? No!" I reached out for his hand, then pulled him a little closer. "Rymar, Meri doesn't understand Dragon things yet. She's learning, but I don't understand all of them either, so how can she? I also know she'd be worried for me. She'd think this was like marriage, and after Gideon?"
"Yeah, I can see that," he said, moving his other hand to my waist and shifting even closer. "So should we hide it from her?"
"No, I'll tell her on my own," I promised. "I'll have Lessa help. Then, it won't be just my word about it - because she'd think you three lied to me. Lessa will probably say something about stinging Zasen, and that would be the reassurance Meri needs." But I paused. "Oh no."
"What?" he asked.
"I did steal Lessa's guy! I need to apologize to her!"
And he laughed, shaking his head. "No, she knows.
Zasen went to the market to get that, and she ran into him.
They had a talk, and it seems Lessa's realized Zasen was never hers.
She liked the idea of them being angry together, but your friend Meri?
She's teaching Lessa how to finally be happy, Ayla. "
"I think Lessa likes Meri."
His mouth dropped open dramatically. "You're not supposed to notice that!"
"She said she likes women like that!" I huffed. "And when Meri had the baby? She was as worried as you were for Kanik! How could I miss that?"
"Okay, fair point," he said. "What would you think about Meri liking Lessa?"
I paused for a moment. "I think Lessa's perfect for Meri. She's loud, and beautiful, and strong. She's everything Meri liked about Gideon, back when he was being nice, but Lessa is nice. Well, mean too, but mean like Zasen is."
"Mean how?" he pressed.
"Mean to help. Mean because someone has to be.
The kind of mean that's good, even if you don't want it directed at you.
The sort of mean that yells at me to help Meri, or yells at Zasen to help me.
" I paused, knowing I wasn't explaining it well, but then the right word popped into my head. "Protective."
"Yeah, she is that," he agreed. "But I was wondering, would it be okay if my parents come? All of them?"
"Yes!"
"My mother will ask you about children," he reminded me. "She wants grandbabies."
I flicked a finger toward the living room. "I have a dog. She's enough work."
"Good answer," he praised. "And Kanik will want you to finally meet his family, if that's okay? They might ask the same thing."
"And I will tell them the same," I assured him.
"Good," he said, letting his eyes drop to my lips. "I have one more question."
"Hm?"
"How do I know when it's okay to kiss you? I want to all the time, ever since we went swimming, but I promised you I'd be a friend first. Ayla, I don't want to mess this up, so I'm asking. I thought it might be a thing the four of us can make ours."
"Asking?"
He nodded. "Yeah, so I won't worry if I'm moving too fast, or if you don't think of me like that."
My teeth had clamped down on my lower lip when his words sank in. Those looks, that was what they'd meant. He wanted to kiss me, or hold me - or more. He liked me the same way Kanik did, and he wasn't just being nice.
"How do I know when it's okay to kiss you?" I asked.
"Any single time you want to," he breathed, the words coming out a little deeper than normal.
"Good. I like that. Me too," I said, and then stepped in and stretched up, reaching for his mouth with mine. The hand on my hip pulled, tugging my hips against his. The other caught the side of my face, and this time, Rymar didn't stand quietly while I kissed him.
He kissed me the way men did in those books. The moment my lips parted, he was there, exploring my mouth with his tongue and holding me almost desperately. I grabbed his shoulder, feeling his silky Dragon skin, and pressed in the way I wanted. The way that felt right.
The way I could without shame.
His mouth moved over mine, shifting, undulating, and making my pulse drop lower. My hands moved higher until they tangled in the hair at the back of his head, but when his tail slid up my legs, embracing me even more?
The smallest sound slipped from my mouth. He caught it with another kiss, drinking it in, then groaned in the back of his throat. I had to touch him, to feel all those colors and the muscles they hid. He simply held me, making me feel like it was okay to lose control.
I staggered back. His hand shot out to brace against the counter, keeping me from hitting it, and our mouths refused to stop.
I could feel my body reacting, doing things I hadn't expected.
My breasts felt so heavy, my pulse was pounding in my belly, and I felt like I couldn't quite catch my breath. I wanted to pant. My heart was racing.
And I never wanted this to stop.
But a chuckle proved we'd been caught. I tensed, ready to jerk back, but Rymar's hands tightened, holding me there even as he lifted his mouth from mine.
"Do not," Rymar growled, the warning so vague I didn't know what he was talking about.
"Just grabbing something for Kanik," Zasen said, making it clear who'd caught us. "And if you throw her in a bed, I'm sending Holly in to bite you, Ry."
Rymar kissed me again, but this time quickly, and finally stepped back. "No beds," he promised. "We are doing a thing, though. Ayla's okay with announcing this to our families."
"Meri?" Zasen asked.
"I'll tell her later," I explained. "She doesn't want to see the baby, and she's still healing too, and most of all, she wouldn't understand. I think it's better for me to tell her when we're alone."
"Okay," Zasen said, flashing me a smile as he carried the bread further down the counter and pulled out a knife. "So how do we want to do this?"
His eyes were on me, but when Rymar turned to look as well, I knew they were leaving the decision for me. "Um, is this when we can have another cookout? I liked the last one, and I want Saveah and the kids to be there too."
"Kanik said cookout too," Zasen told Rymar.
"I'm good with a cookout," Rymar agreed.
"But when?" I asked. "Should we be done before sundown like last time?"
Closing his eyes, Zasen let out a groan. "Yeah, probably. We should also wait until after the next scheduled attack. I want to think the Moles won't come because they've decided to start hunting animals, but I also know they might not find any."
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because," he said, "they don't know where they'll be, how loud they are, or where to shoot to kill one."
"So, a cookout for lunch," Rymar decided. "And I'll make sure Jerlis lets everyone know to be careful around sunset. I didn't even think about that!"
"No, but Ayla did," Zasen praised.
"Because I'm worried about Callah," I admitted. "I know she's still down there, and I can't help her unless they come back, but if they do..."
"People will die," Zasen finished. "Yeah. So kiss him. I think kissing is a much better thing to worry about than Moles, Ayla. It's also something you can control."
"Or maybe," Rymar said, "I might kiss her." And he caught my chin, turning my face toward him.
Then he did exactly that.