Chapter 19
Nineteen
Meri
Omden said I no longer had to be on bed rest but I still had to take it "easy.
" While I understood the words, I didn't quite know how to do that.
They'd tried to give me books the first few days, but I couldn't lose myself in the stories the same way Ayla did.
Probably because she read Vestrian better than I did.
But the sketch pad Lessa had given me? The colored pencils that went with it? Well, they let me keep my promise to Omden. He'd said he wanted a new wardrobe for Drozel, and I knew the fabrics and options up here well enough to at least give it a try.
Drozel's skin was tan with brown markings and some green along his sides.
All of the colors were muted, which meant he could wear any color he wanted.
I happened to like red. It was such an intense color up here, and since Omden had both red eyes and small red lines beside them, I liked how it tied them together visually.
I had the shirt halfway drawn when the front door opened hard. Jumping in place, a little squeak slipped out of my mouth, making Drozel pause halfway inside.
"Sorry," he mumbled, closing the door a lot softer than he'd opened it.
"I just didn't know you were home," I told him.
Which earned me a little smile. "Well, speaking of homes..." He came deeper into the room, tossing his things down in a corner without slowing. "I stopped by Lessa's place. She has her guest room empty, finally. All the fabric in there has been moved to the sewing room out back."
"Okay?"
"And," he said, moving to sit on the corner of the couch closest to the chair I was in, "she's trying to get some furniture. Unfortunately, when the Moles missed their last attack, a lot of businesses began shutting down early enough for everyone to make it home before dark."
"Because Moles hunt after dark," I said, showing I knew that part.
Drozel nodded. "Yeah. It also means a lot fewer hours of work in a day, so orders are taking longer."
"Is she in a rush?" I asked.
He shifted in place. "Well, she was going to offer the room to you, Meri."
"Oh." And I could feel my shoulders slumping. "I don't need much."
But I didn't really want to move again. I was just starting to get used to being here.
I knew the way Omden did things, and Drozel didn't ask for much.
I wanted to work with Lessa again, though.
These men said I could, but only after Naomi cleared me at my upcoming checkup.
If I lived with Lessa, it would be easier to do that, wouldn't it?
Yet the idea of living with Lessa felt strange.
Not bad, but definitely intimidating. She was so beautiful with her matching skin, hair, and eyes.
Being around her made me feel awkward and fumbling.
I couldn't imagine what it would be like to simply stay there.
To never go home, never relax, and always feel like I was trying to keep from looking foolish.
"You just got quiet," he said.
"I'm sorry."
Which made him grunt. Immediately, I tensed, but Drozel lifted a hand, making it clear he wasn't upset. "Meri, do you want to live with Lessa?"
"Lessa has been very nice to me," I hurried to say. "And I'm excited about sewing again!"
"But you skipped right over the living there part," he told me, making it clear he'd noticed my evasion. "You also just shrank about three inches in that chair, and you did the big-eyes thing again. So, why don't you want to live with Lessa?"
"I... But... No, she's nice!"
"But?" he pressed.
My hands were clutched in my lap now. I hadn't even realized I was doing it, but now that Drozel had said something, I was hyperaware of the way I felt like I needed to pull into myself.
"I just got used to being here," I said. "I know where all the things are, and when the sounds are from you or Omden - but I don't want to be in the way!"
"You," he nearly snarled, "are not in the way."
"Yes, sir!" I squeaked.
He slung his head away with a little growl of frustration. "Dammit, I'm doing it again."
"Doing what, Drozel?"
"Being too loud." And he pulled in a breath, pushing it out slowly right after.
"Merienne, you are not in the way. You're also welcome to stay here, but I thought.
.." He slowly looked over at me again, and I realized his eyes were the same green as the scales on his ribs.
Olive was the word for fabric that color.
"I thought you'd be scared, being stuck here with me. "
And the smallest giggle slipped out. "Sometimes, but it only lasts for a second. You get loud, and I wait for you to get mad, but you never do. I also don't think you'll hit me."
That growl immediately came back. "I will hit any man who tries. I'll sting them if they even try to hurt you - or anyone I care about!"
And I flinched again, but a smile took over when his words registered. "See?" I said. "I'm used to loud men being angry. You get angry, but not at me."
"Never at you," he promised. "Well, not that way. I mean, Omden and I fight, but those are disagreements, and we sort them out with words, not fists."
"Jeera and Brielle weren't like that," I explained. "They whispered to argue. I don't think women get loud like that."
"Some do," he said, flicking a finger toward Lessa's house next door.
"I know," I said. "And I don't mind it. Ayla gets loud too."
"Ayla?" Disbelief poured off that one word.
I nodded. "She would throw her hands around and rant about the things she didn't like. When we were alone, I mean. Never where she'd get us in trouble or anything."
And he sighed. "I can't even imagine the shit you've been through, Meri.
I'm trying, but I can't wrap my mind around abusing the person I was supposed to care about like that.
I also know all the men down there were like that, and trust me, Zasen and Kanik told me all about how scared Ayla was of them.
So, if you want to stay with Lessa, she has room now. "
"I..." I paused to lick my lips. "I suppose I could move there."
"And you just did the small thing again," he said, but this time he leaned in with a smile. "Care to share why? I thought she was your friend?"
"She is!" I hurried to say. "It's just..
. Drozel, she's been coming to check on me a lot lately.
And she's so nice about it. I feel like I'm going to mess up somehow and make her hate me.
If I lived with her, I'd feel like that all the time.
And my heart slams into my ribs so hard when she's here.
I think it's because I know I should be working, and I'm not, but she offered me a place when she didn't have to.
I'm grateful for that, and I love sewing with her, but it feels. .."
I just didn't have the words for how it felt.
Not the right ones! I wanted to say it was too fast. I wanted to tell him I didn't want to rush into something, but those were the things I'd said when about to be married.
That had been a big change in my life. One I'd thought I'd wanted, and now?
Well, I thought spending more time with Lessa would be amazing, but I was also scared of that feeling too.
"It's stupid," I mumbled.
"Nah," he said. "Meri, I'm usually good at being stupid. Trust me, my friends make sure I know it. This? I think this is you trying to be a little too nice." Then he tapped his chest. "But this is me, the not-nice one, remember? How about you help me out a little, and lay it all out there for me?"
"It doesn't make sense," I admitted. "The thought of living with Lessa? It makes me both happy and terrified. Even thinking about it feels like when I was about to marry Gideon - and that makes no sense!"
He tilted his head and murmured. "I dunno..."
"But I like being around her, and I want to keep sewing.
It's not that. It's... I think it's because I've moved so fast lately.
From the compound to Ayla's place for a moment, then Jeera's, then I came here, and it's like.
.. Drozel, every time I get comfortable, I move again, and I don't want to move.
I want to be somewhere I can just stay, but this is your home, and I know that. "
"And you," he said, palming my knee to make me look at him, "are welcome to stay, little sparrow.
We didn't think you'd want to, but if you do, you can stay here as long as you need.
You can stay until living with Lessa no longer feels like you're about to be given away.
You can stay until you get sick of us. You can stay here, Meri, for exactly as long as you need, and we are happy to have you here. "
"I'm not in the way?"
"No, you are not," he assured me. "Meri, Omden's been happy to have you around. He's enjoyed having someone to talk to about things he likes, and I think it's cute when he does that."
"He is kinda cute when he does that," I agreed. "But I know you two are, um... A couple? Is that the right way to say it? You're not married, but you are together."
"Partners," he offered. "That's what we call it."
I nodded. "In the compound, men said they had needs, and they didn't want guests because that might make it hard for them to get what they needed, and since I'm here, I don't want to make both of you not be happy. Not after you've been so nice."
"Sex," he realized.
I glanced away. "Yeah."
"Well." He chuckled. "I can promise that you being here is not bothering my sex life at all."
"Would me living with Lessa?" Since I knew he went to "visit" her quite often.
His mouth curled and twisted as he tried hard not to smile - and failed. "I have a feeling it wouldn't. And she can still come here too, if it makes you uncomfortable."
"For you and Lessa to... Consummate? Fornicate?"
"Fuck," he clarified. "That's a much better word for it. I can also promise she's the one starting it most times."
"But..." I dared to glance back. "You and Omden do fucking too?"
"Just fuck," he told me. "And yeah. I hear it's a Dragon thing to have more than one partner in your life.
Apparently Moles don't do that, but we do, and we do it because we like someone.
" He scrubbed at his mouth again. "We also don't care what the person we like is.
Male, female, or something else. If we like them, then it's okay to like them. "
I could feel my face heating up, but I was curious about this. "I was always told it's to make children."
"It's for feeling good," Drozel said. "Pleasure, I mean, which is about the same thing.
" And he cleared his throat, clearly as uncomfortable with this talk as me, and yet not shying away from it.
"But women can fuck women, men can fuck men, and women and men can fuck too.
In any combination they want, but want is the thing we do differently, Meri. "
"But not for children because you have birth control," I said.
"Because," he clarified, "tailed women can't have children. Men can't bear them. A woman can't get another pregnant. We fuck because we like it. We don't fuck if we don't, and I'm not sure how you feel about any of this."
"I'm not either," I admitted. "I know Gideon made me so excited at first, but then he just kept hurting me, and I didn't like that part. I liked kissing, though. And I like it when Lessa holds my hand like she does, but Ayla does that too."
"Does it feel the same?" he asked.
I made a face. "Not really. Ayla's my friend, and we've known each other long enough that I know when she's going to do it, so maybe - " I paused as the door opened again.
Both Drozel and I turned to see Omden. He froze in the doorway, none of his muscles moving at all.
"Relax," Drozel told him. "And come the rest of the way in, because this? Meri was telling me about how holding Lessa's hand is different from holding Ayla's."
"Ayla's her friend," Omden said, sounding as if that should've been obvious.
"Uh-huh," Drozel agreed. "And I got to 'anyone can fuck anyone.' We started with Lessa's place almost being ready for her, but Meri was doing that shrinking thing again."
"I didn't mean to," I insisted.
"We know," Omden assured me before looking back to Drozel. "So she doesn't want to live with Lessa?"
"Nope," Drozel said. "She doesn't want to have to move again. She likes it here."
And the biggest smile took over Omden's face.
"You can stay," he hurried to tell me. "We can make that room yours, and get you some things to fit your tastes better.
" But he paused again, locking up with his lips partially open.
Slowly, he forced his mouth closed and turned to Drozel. "I mean, if you are okay with that?"
"Mhm," Drozel said. "Ommy, I already told her she can stay. I had a feeling you'd love the idea."
"I mean, it's nice to have a friend around," Omden admitted.
"Good." And Drozel pushed to his feet. "So sit. Tell her about sexuality, because I don't think anyone has, and I'll tackle the hard part."
"Telling Lessa she can put the fabric back?" Omden asked.
"Telling Lessa I get to keep the little sparrow under my roof," Drozel corrected. "But close enough."