Chapter 23
Twenty-Three
Ayla
Two weeks after Meri's appointment, I lay in my bed, listening to the noises the house made as it settled.
Staring up at the ceiling, I tried to quell this feeling inside me.
So many good things had happened in that time, like Meri and Kanik both being deemed healthy again.
But this one thing had me nervous all over again.
They hadn't come.
Again.
We'd prepared for another scheduled attack by the Moles. Rymar had been sure they wouldn't come back. Kanik had been worried they would. Zasen and I had still gone out last night, almost hoping they might.
Naturally, they hadn't - and it made me sick with worry.
For seven hours, we'd waited in the woods.
From the early afternoon until midnight, we'd bided our time, listening, and yet we'd found nothing.
Drozel thought we were wasting our time.
They weren't coming back, he'd said. Tayle, the medic, had pointed out how they had to be eating something.
All I'd been able to think about was Callah.
She was getting married. For all I knew, it had already happened. She should have a few more weeks, but they'd lowered the age, or so she'd said in her letter, and now I was worried it would be the last time I'd ever hear from her.
So, all day today, I'd tried to keep busy. The house had been dusted, the food for tomorrow was prepared and ready to cook. I'd made sure our house was not just presentable, but respectable even. But when we'd all gone to bed, I hadn't been able to find sleep.
Now I was lying here, replaying those moments, wondering if this would be the time they came a day late.
Across the foot of my bed, Holly lay quietly, but her eyes were open too, and watching me.
In the darkness of my room, only the sliver of moonlight coming in through the window lit her up, but it was enough.
Was Tobias Callah's husband now? Was he a good one, or did he torture her like Gideon had with Meri?
Or maybe the elders had found out she was getting messages from me?
I would hope she'd be sacrificed to the Dragons for that, but it wasn't one of the commandments.
For all I knew, they could've thrown her in quarantine!
A soft whine from my dog jerked me from the spiraling thoughts. "What, Holly?" I asked.
She crawled closer, putting her head where I could reach it, so I petted her. I wasn't sleeping, and the truth was I would do nothing but lie here all night at this rate. There was so much wrong, and I didn't have a way to deal with it, but tomorrow was supposed to be a good day.
So I gave up and tossed the covers off. Trading out my night dress for a shirt and soft pants, I didn't even worry about a bra, but I did slip on my sandals.
I just wanted to check. I needed to be sure the night was still quiet, because if someone was moving out there, I could hide Tobias in here, get the code from him, and then have a way to save Callah.
That would be something to celebrate!
"Holly, outside," I whispered, aware the rest of the house was asleep now.
She raced me to my bedroom door, and the moment I opened it, headed straight for the stairs.
I followed at a slower pace, worrying more about not making so much noise, but my dog didn't care.
Granted, she wasn't that loud either, but it sounded worse in the middle of the night than it did during the day.
At the back door, I stopped her again. "Holly, guard," I whispered.
She looked up at me, back to the door, and her tail stilled. When I opened the door, she didn't rush out. Instead, she sniffed before heading out, checking around us the same way Zasen did in the forest - but there was nothing.
"Okay," I told her, letting her know she could relax.
Immediately, she sniffed her way across the yard to do her "business." I looked toward the trees outside town, straining both my eyes and ears for any hint of people out there.
Maybe I'd counted the days wrong? If I was off by a few, that would explain this, right? Then again, the previous attacks would've been wrong, so that theory didn't work. In truth, I was simply trying to find some excuse that would mean Callah wasn't gone forever.
And my throat clenched hard. She could be.
If the Moles didn't come back, Dragons would be safe, but my very first friend wouldn't be.
She was alone down there, and probably desperate by now.
Following the edge of the house, I moved toward the short wall, torn between relief because they'd no longer kill the people who'd saved me, and worried sick that Callah was the one who'd paid the price.
She'd convinced me to try. She'd stood by me every single time I did something foolish, but she should've gotten out earlier.
Tobias should've made her! Or had my letter convinced her to stay?
Had I done this by telling her about our mothers?
She'd said she wanted to destroy them from the inside, but that was much easier said than done.
The back door creaked softly. I flinched, spinning around to see the dark hole where our door normally was, and then a large form filled it.
"Ayla?" Zasen's voice was soft but still carried.
Across the grass, Holly stopped, watching both of us.
"She had to potty," I lied.
He murmured, then came the rest of the way out. "Yeah. I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd check."
"For Moles?" I asked.
He didn't answer, simply made his way closer. Then, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, he turned both of us toward the forest.
"Do you think your friend's okay?"
"No," I admitted. "I think she's married now. I hope Tobias is her husband, but he could be as bad as Gideon. They all are, Zasen."
"Are you sure?" he asked. "Ayla, that other man looked at Tobias adoringly. Maybe Tobias looks back at him the same way?"
"Doesn't matter," I said. "If he's married to Callah, she'll still be the one to suffer. They don't do love, Zasen. They breed for children. Women serve the men, and the men kill us. That's all they have, and to them it seems like enough - and I don't know how to get her out unless they come back."
"Yeah," he breathed. "Me either."
"I know one of the codes," I told him. "It was to quarantine, but I remember the pattern of presses because I saw them so much. Do you think that would work?"
He stayed quiet for a little too long. Then, "I don't know. Do you think it would work?"
"It might open the door, but they have intruder alarms. The hallway is a long one, with few places to hide, and completely dark when the lights are out. When they're on, there'd be too many Moles, and someone would scream."
"Yeah," he said, sounding like he wasn't surprised. "But what if diplomacy did work, Ayla?"
"Or what if Tobias betrayed us?" I asked, because that was one of the many worries spinning in my head. "What if he told the elders what Callah did, and they punished her for it? What if she's dead because I was dumb enough to trust a man?!"
"I'm a man," he reminded me.
"I meant a Mole," I assured him.
So he pulled me a little closer against his side. "Ayla, Holly doesn't think they're out here. That means they aren't."
"I know," I admitted. "I didn't really think they were, but I sorta hoped."
"Me too," he agreed. "I can't stop thinking about you girls when you both showed up.
The fear, you know? I'd never seen anything like that in my life, and while you and Meri handled it differently, it was still there.
" He shifted, turning to face me. "Ayla, I've seen men die.
I've faced certain death - and somehow survived it.
I watched them kill my father. Never, in all that time, had I seen the sort of fear that made you bolt and Meri scream. "
"There are things worse than death," I said softly.
"And I wish I couldn't imagine what they are," he said, "but you survived them. So let's make a deal? If they don't come next time, you and I will go to them, okay?"
"But we can't get in!" I hissed.
"We can try the code you know," he said.
"Or we can wait for a month, camping outside the doors where they won't see us.
I've thought about that too. If we wait, someone will eventually come out.
They have to at least get the tribute from the Reapers, right?
If we need to, we'll take all the bullets, a few of the guns, and fight our way in so we can find her. "
"Yeah?" I asked, feeling the faintest spark of hope.
"We'll probably die," he pointed out.
Which was true, but I still felt like I had to do something. "But we always kill more of them than they kill of us. Maybe it'd work?"
"Maybe," he agreed. "So let's agree to think about it, because I don't like this either." He reached up to brush my loose hair away from my face. "And because we might die, let's not tell Rymar or Kanik? They wouldn't understand. Instead, let's make sure they won't have any regrets, okay?"
"Yeah," I breathed. "Our cookout is tomorrow, and Kanik's nervous about it."
"Mhm," he agreed. "Rymar's excited, but you've already met his parents. Kanik's?" He breathed out a soft laugh. "He wants to show you off. His mother will ask about children, but just tell her Holly's enough for now. That will make her stop. I can't say the same is true for Rymar's mother."
I chuckled, remembering how intense she'd been. "But his fathers are nice, and his other mother too."
"Yep," Zasen agreed. "And we have seventeen days until the next attack. So let's make sure these are the best seventeen days of our lives, okay? Tell Meri how much you love her. Let her know you're proud of her. Kiss Kanik and Rymar, because they like that."
"And you don't?" I asked.
His tail flicked behind him. "Seventeen days, right?
Means I have nothing to lose." He pulled in a deep breath like he was bracing himself.
"Ayla, I wanted to hate you when I saw you, but the moment I shoved you to the ground so that coyote wouldn't eat you?
I saw that fear. I knew something was different, but I tried to ignore it.
And when you slapped me? I realized you weren't a spy. You were an escapee."
"Yeah," I agreed.
But he caught my chin, lifting my face so I had to look at him.
"No, listen. I'm saying that the entire time you've been here, I've wanted to protect you.
I also realized the moment your hand met my face that you didn't need my protection.
You needed my assistance, and those two things are not the same.
" A soft smile flickered across his mouth.
"And my favorite color has become blue."
"Like your tail?" I asked, knowing it wasn't.
"Like your eyes," he breathed, sliding his thumb just under my lower lip. "Brighter than a summer sky, harder than steel, and softer than a cloud. Eyes that trap me every single time you look at me. So yes, I want to kiss you, but there's something I want even more."
"What?" I asked.
His dark tongue flicked over his lips. "I want to give you everything they took. The happiness, the trust, and the confidence to know you really do get to make your own decisions. Ayla, I've pushed you, and I thought you'd hate me for it..."
"I don't," I promised.
"Yeah, I know." And he moved his hand to the side of my face. "That's why I put my sign around your neck. It's not a collar; it's a shield. It's a promise."
"But you don't want to kiss me?" I pressed, aware he'd avoided answering that.
And he shifted closer, pressing his brow against mine, his hand at the back of my head, holding us together under the moonlight.
"Oh, I do. I want to kiss you every time those blue eyes meet mine, but I want to hold you more.
To feel you relax against me just like this.
To know you don't tense up or pull away anymore. "
"I'm not right now, Zasen."
"No, you're not," he agreed, shifting back to look at me again. "So come inside with me? Since we're not going to sleep, at least let us relax?"
"Or maybe I'd sleep if I wasn't alone in my room?" I said, the words coming out a little too softly.
"I do make a good pillow," he promised. "And you're my partner now. That means it's expected. Not required, but expected."
"Yeah?"
He stepped back, catching my fingers to tow me toward the door with him. "Holly can sleep on my bed too, since Kanik isn't in it anymore."
"But is it okay?" I had to ask.
"Ayla, everyone who sees that torc on your neck will assume we're having sex. I promise sleeping beside me is not wrong at all."
"No!" I said, a little giggle slipping out. "I mean because of Kanik and Rymar."
"Well, if you sleep beside me," he said, letting go of my hand to catch the door. "Holly, inside." And he held it while leaning toward my ear. "They might hope you'll do the same with them, and you should. Rules are for Moles, Ayla, and you're not one of those."
"But you're hard and lumpy," I teased as I followed my dog inside.
"And I still make a good pillow," he promised. "I also don't get grumpy if you can't sleep and want to talk about this more where my toes won't get so cold."
"Boots," I told him. "They're good for that."
"And still don't fit my feet comfortably," he pointed out as he secured the back door and gestured to his room. "But tonight, I'm all yours. Holly will keep guard so we can get some sleep, because tomorrow?"
"We tell everyone we're partners?" I asked, pretty sure that was what he meant.
"Mhm," he agreed. "Tomorrow, all of this becomes official. That means you can kiss us, touch us, or do anything else with us you desire." And a sly smile took over as his tail flicked wickedly. "Now go throw yourself in my bed, Phoenix."
I caught his hand, liking how it felt to do it, and pulled him with me. "You're bigger than the doll I had as a girl, but nicer to look at. Tonight, I'm going to cuddle, okay?"
"Completely okay," he agreed, but the words came out sounding like a purr.