Chapter 31
Thirty-One
Lessa
The days had a way of continuing on like normal. In the mornings, Meri and I headed to my sewing room - which was more of a building - and got to work. I had quite a few orders that needed to be filled, and Meri really wanted to make something for Drozel. She said she'd promised Omden.
Yeah, that sounded like something those guys would do. Ommy would make sure Droz looked good enough to seduce whoever he wanted. Meri would feel like she was giving back, and everyone would end up happy.
The only problem with this setup was me. Playing house with Meri was much nicer than I'd expected. She did her fair share of the chores - and then some. I actually had to make her stop more often than remind her we'd missed something. And that girl loved cooking!
Spices were a new thing to her, but rather than teach her, Omden and Drozel had shown her their collection, then told her to try what she wanted and to judge by the smell.
Yeah, I could do a bit better. So, breakfasts, lunches, and dinners all became a chance for us to discuss what was commonly done, what could be done, and to experiment with anything she wanted to try.
And most of it was good. There had been the goat leg that neither of us could tolerate, but I'd used that as an excuse to take her to Rymar's cafe for a meal. Seeing her wide eyes and excited smiles? The girl was fucking beautiful under all her meek manners and gentle nature.
She was also learning how to be independent.
The first day the guys were gone, I'd taken her to the market with me to pick up things for the day's meals.
The second day, she'd asked if she could learn the money.
Today? She'd done it on her own, picking the things she liked and flipping through the colored bills to find enough to pay the total.
She'd also asked me if it was okay to go on her own now, since she knew the way.
Naturally, I'd shown her where the men kept their money, and told her to use that.
I knew they'd want her to. Fuck, the truth was, I'd seen how Drozel looked at her.
Ommy had to. Drozel tried to say he was protective and just helping, but that big lug of a man had a soft spot for pretty things - like Omden and me.
So, over dishes that night, I decided to test the waters.
Ayla had been opposed to any talk about relationships with anyone.
I could only guess Meri was worse, since her husband had tortured her for so long!
But if people were starting to notice her and get close to her, then some of us needed to know how far would be too far for her to tolerate.
Yes, that someone included me.
"So," I said as I passed her a plate to rinse, "you've never mentioned if your husband turned you off all relationships."
"Me?" she asked, sounding surprised.
"No, the other woman in here," I teased.
"Yes, you, Meri! I'm curious who you think is cute, who you can't stand, and all those things.
Gossiping about it has always been one of my favorite things.
Considering you're now living with a pair of amazing men.
.." I let that dangle, hoping she'd give me something to work with.
She glanced away with a little giggle. "Drozel used to scare me. I mean, back before I had the baby. He's so big!"
"Was Gideon a big man?"
She made a face. "Not like that. Tobias is, but not in the same way. He's tall, but not muscular like Dragons are."
"So, are muscles a good thing or a bad one?"
She shrugged. "I think they look nice, but it's hard to remember they won't be used against me, you know?
In the compound, we have to pick between young men and old.
The young ones are handsome, but so very strong.
We know they can kill us if they lose their tempers - and you know how men are. But the old ones were... old."
"Yeah, I'm not into old," I agreed. "I think a decade more than me is about as much as I could tolerate. More as I get older, though. When I was your age, it was closer to a few years."
"How old are you, Lessa?" she asked.
"Twenty-eight."
"I'll be twenty-one in a few more months," she said. "Just after the new year."
"Child," I teased, winking to make sure she didn't take it wrong.
And her laugh? Wow. I didn't often get to hear a completely honest laugh from her, but every single time one slipped out, it took my breath away. This woman was amazing - and young. And naive. I had to remind myself of both those things, because to Meri, they were important ones.
"But do you like the muscles on the men up here?" I pressed. "Like maybe Drozel's?"
She smiled and her cheeks flushed slightly. "Is it stupid that I like his limbs?"
"Limbs?" I asked incredulously. "That is not the way I'd say it."
"Well, his forearms and his thighs. I mean, calves too, and his hands are amazing. Then there's his tail!" Then she winced, a little grunt coming out with it. "Oh, but I shouldn't say that about Omden's partner. Or... yours?"
"I'm not sure Drozel and I are at the partner stage," I admitted.
"But would you be?"
"Would you be?" I countered.
And she paused, forgetting to even rinse the glass she now held. "But he's with Omden."
"And you just asked me about him," I reminded her.
"Meri, they have an agreement that works for both of them.
Drozel entertains himself with whoever catches his eye and tells his best friend - Omden - about it.
Ommy gets to laugh and cuddle while they talk about it, and sometimes that turns into more, and sometimes it doesn't."
"They're best friends?"
I nodded. "Have been for a while. They have a relationship that's based on friendship first and lust comes after. Drozel wants to have sex a lot more than Omden, so this is their compromise."
"And Omden doesn't get jealous?"
I made a face. "Not usually. When he does, he admits it, and they figure out why. I mean, would you have been jealous if Gideon had sex with someone else?"
"No, I'd feel bad for her," she said. "But Moles and Dragons aren't the same about sex. Moles hurt their partner. Dragons like it. I would probably be relieved he wasn't harassing me, though."
"That last bit is the same," I told her. "Well, close enough. Omden's happy he can be intimate with his partner without it always turning into sex. Drozel's happy he can get his fill and not need to hide it or be ashamed of it."
"And you?" she asked. "I don't quite understand how that works with them."
"I am one of those things Drozel is entertained by, but I also made sure Ommy's okay with it. See, Omden's my friend, and I knew him first. I also don't mind if Omden wants to join in and seduce Drozel with me. It works, we all like it, and everyone's happy."
"Oh."
"And," I said, "you're allowed to do the same. With them, with someone else, or not at all. I'm just not quite sure where your head's at, Meri."
"I like Omden," she said. "He would've fit right in with Callah, Ayla, and me. He said he doesn't like women, but I think his green color is amazing to look at. It's not like any other green I've seen before!"
"I know," I agreed.
"And Drozel has a lot of muscles, but he always tries to be too gentle with me. Lessa, I survived having a baby. I'm not going to break or anything!"
"True," I agreed, "but to him you are so tiny and delicate. Like a little piece of glass he doesn't want to accidentally crush."
"Yeah, but he won't," she said, waving that off.
"And dating?" I pressed. "Kissing, holding hands, or being romantic? Is that completely off the table?"
She picked up the glass and started washing it all over again, even though it was clean. "I've been doing a lot of thinking about that."
"Yeah?"
She nodded. "Everything is different up here.
The rules, I mean. I don't have to mourn for months for a man I despised.
I don't need to be ashamed because I'm not raising the baby.
It's okay for Drozel to have sex with who he wants - and for Omden to know!
" Then she stilled again. "And it's okay for men to like men and women to like women. "
My heart slammed into my chest hard. "Yeah," I said. "It is."
"But the one thing I don't get?" She set the overly-clean glass aside and turned to face me.
"Lessa, how does someone know? Ayla only likes men.
In the compound, we knew a man liked us if he smiled at us.
It didn't matter if we liked him back. So how do I know if someone likes me or if they only want to be friends? "
I couldn't help but notice she'd mentioned Ayla liking men. Not herself, but Ayla. The smallest little spark of hope sprung up in my mind, but I didn't want to make this talk about me. I'd intended to see if Drozel had a chance with her, but now I couldn't help but hope that maybe I did too.
"Well," I said, thinking hard, "I usually just ask. It's not always easy, and sometimes signals can get mixed. People don't always think of things the same way, like clasping a hand or holding one."
"What's the difference?" she asked.
"I tend to clasp my friends' hands but hold my lovers'."
"Oh. I hold Ayla's all the time."
"The same way you do with someone you like?"
She shrugged. "I don't think I've held hands with anyone but Gideon like that. I thought I liked him back then."
"So it counts," I told her. "But did it feel the same with Ayla?"
"No." And she swallowed. "Ayla and Callah are like sisters.
Not real ones, but we always said we were the only family we'd ever know, and it's true.
She has a real sister now, but me? My mother's dead.
My father doesn't remember which of his daughters I am, and my siblings despise me.
I don't have a family the way people up here do. "
"Except Ayla," I said. "And she is your family, Meri."
She nodded. "So what happens if I ask someone if they like me and they don't?"
"Then you accept it and either move on or become their friend. Why?"
She wrapped her hands in her skirt, partially to dry them, but also from nerves. I could tell she was working up to something, but when she lifted those royal blue eyes of hers to mine, I never could've predicted her next words.
"Do you like me like that? Because I think I might like you like that, and I want to be your friend first the way Omden and Drozel are, but you make my heart race and - "
"Yes," I broke in before she could start talking herself in circles. "I do like you like that, Meri, but I like your friendship too, and that matters just as much."
But I heard what she'd said. I did, I just wasn't really sure how to take it.
She liked me? She was into me? I made her heart race?
A whimsical smile was taking over my face, and I was sure I looked like an idiot, but there was something so completely pure about the way it felt, and I wanted more of it.
"How do I know if I really do?" she asked.
"Would kissing me be disgusting?" I shrugged. "That's basically how we know, Meri. If you want to kiss and touch and be close to someone, then it's romantic. If you don't, then that's okay too."
"I..." Spinning, she reached for another plate.
I couldn't tell if she'd just cut me off, if I'd pushed her too far, or if there was some Mole fear taking over. Fuck! She'd just given me a chance to... I didn't even know what, but I was sure I'd just ruined it.
Then she mumbled, "I sometimes think about what it would be like," she said. "When the bed in the men's room squeaks, I try to imagine how it would be to kiss you."
"Meri..."
"And thinking about kissing Gideon was never like that. I wanted to be his wife because it would be respectable. I liked that he was important and I'd been chosen by a handsome and young man who was rising quickly. When he smiled, it made me feel silly..."
"Meri..." I tried again.
"You don't make me feel silly," she said, setting down her latest dish. "You make me feel breathless."
"Meri," I tried for the third time.
Finally, she looked up, so I cupped the side of her face and shifted closer. "If you pull back, I will stop. If you say no, I will stop. But if you want me to kiss you, all you have to do is close your eyes."
Her lids slipped closed and her face tilted up to mine.
That was a yes. That was the most obvious consent these Mole girls knew how to do, so I leaned in, trying to savor every second of this.
Gently, so very softly, I brushed my lips across hers.
One little kiss, I told myself. Just for her to see.
Just for us to know if we were only friends or maybe more.
And then her mouth parted and she leaned in. A wet hand landed on my waist, pulling me closer, and that was all it took. I kissed her the way she deserved to be kissed: like she mattered. Our tongues met, swirled, and explored. Our mouths moved, caressing each others', and my pulse picked up.
Slipping my fingers into the hair along the back of her neck, I found that knot she made to hold her hair up and freed it while our mouths kept going. Kiss after kiss, this woman took as much as she gave, and I realized she wanted this as much as I did - and I refused to let it go too far.
"Meri?" I breathed, pulling back so I could see her eyes. "Do I need to stop seeing Drozel?"
"No!" she huffed.
"But what if I want to see you instead? To make our friendship... More?"
She reached up, tracing a finger down my hairline, along my scales. "We don't steal from people we care about, Lessa. Women know how to share so that everyone can be happy."
"So I can kiss you again?"
"Yeah," she breathed.
And I knew our dishes weren't going to get done. I also realized I'd underestimated this girl, because at this rate, I might actually find someone who could make me fall in love. At least one. Maybe more.